My Dad has asked my opinion on a proposed change to his will.

[Shewas]

I have no idea what he's worth but he's always going on about inheritance tax, so I guess the estate is not insignificant.

He has two DDs and four DGCs (two each).

DSis is married to a man from a wealthy background, so DF is assuming she and especially her DC will do well from that side of the family.

My DH is deceased and we are not in touch with his family. I am full expecting DC will not inherit from them, and even if they did, I doubt there'd be much value.

I have always told DF to spend everything now and live as comfortably as possible, but that's not in his nature, so I'd expect what he has to be split equally between me and DSis, or as we don't need to money, perhaps equally between GC.

Dad is now talking about making things "fair" but not equal, by leaving a greater share to my DC, as the other GC will be so much better off anyway. I know no inheritance is guaranteed, but the other GPs have already set up trust funds for them.

So, I could see my DC advantaged, and I can kind of see the reasoning, but the whole thing makes me feel very uncomfortable. I'd hate there to be any kind of family rift, but also it doesn't feel right to advise against the interests of my DC.

FWIW I think Dsis would be hurt by Dad's actions but wouldn't take it out on me or DC, but people sometimes act out of character where wills are concerned.

WWYD?

Your dad needs to talk to your sister not you, before he decides anything. She may be fine with it, better to be part of a discussion than be presented with an unequal split after his death

Your dad is being very unfair to drag you into this and put what is entirely his decision onto you.

DSis is married to a man from a wealthy background, so DF is assuming she and especially her DC will do well from that side of the family.

Or they could divorce and she and her kids may get nothing.

I'd tell your dad to keep you out of this as it's his business.

Your DF should treat all his DC equally and all his DGC equally. Anything else will destroy the relationship between you and your sibling, DGC and their cousins.

If you want to give away a portion of your inheritance to your children, that is up to you ( you can do that by varying the will after your DF has passed, so he doesn't need to be involved in that).

I think the only fair way is to split it equally between you and your sister and then you both are responsible for providing for your children.

It shouldn’t be done according to circumstances as these could change. Also, how would the grandchildren feel if some were getting more than others? I think they’d feel a bit unloved.

Yes, that's Dad's point though, he wants to favour me and my DC. Anything he leaves to me will ultimately end up with my DC anyway. Leaving it directly to them saves it being taxed twice.

I think he needs to ask your sister how she feels. She is the one whose children will end up with less from your dad if he goes ahead.

fwiw my parents have two kids, who each have two and three children respectively. My parents plan to leave their estate equally between the five grandchildren (the two kids have already had substantial amounts) but still asked the parent of the 2 kids for their view before setting up this way

You can vary the will so that your portion goes directly to your children after his death if you want to give your portion to your children. This a legal exercise which is exactly the same for IHT purposes but without the pain of your DF actively showing he favours your children over his other GC.

He should not leave more to you and your DC than he leaves to your sibling and their children. It is hurtful and unfair.

Have you told him this could ruin the relationship between you and your sister?
It should be a strategy split between the 2 of you and then you can decide if to govern some to your children. Anything else is really unfair and your sister may well feel really hurt. I would.

I know, but it's not that he wants to favour my DC, it's that he wants to (as he sees it) even things up by favouring me and my DC. I.e. he wants to leave more to me and 2DC than he leaves DSis and 2 DC.

How he splits that between DDs and GDCs is still under consideration, but isn't the bit he's asking me about.

My DF left his grandchildren equal money. That’s the only fair way IMO

In my opinion wills HAVE to be split equally. It just causes too much hurt and upset if not. Obviously if one person is in prison for a heinous crime or whatever there might be exceptions.

I’d tell him to please not do this and split everything. He could always be generous to his grandchildren whilst still alive.

You don’t know what goes on behing closed doors and what your sister has access to etc.

Imvho inheritance should not skip a generation unless the child died in which case it goes to their children. If it’s all divided equally, between children and grandchildren you’ll get a situation where a sibling who has more children get more than a sibling who has less.

Your dad should divide his estate equally between you and your sister with token amounts and gifts to grandchildren.

Can you guess I have a complicated family and are NC with most of them? Money make people crazy.

How he splits his estate is entirely up to him. But he should sit down with you and his sister together to discuss. Not fair on you or your sister if he doesn’t do this. At some point, hopefully a while off, you two will have a lot to sort and will be grieving. Not a good time and it takes its toll. Good luck.

But it doesn’t sound like he’s just skipping the double tax (which would mean that they got some of “your” half. It sounds like the three of you, in total, would get more than the three of them. Or did I misunderstand?

He needs to talk to your sister, not just you.
He is proposing to disinherit her and her kids, so that you and your kids will benefit because her husband comes from money.

You will have had a decent life insurance payment from when your husband passed away (you had kids so I’m assuming you made the sensible arrangements of a large life insurance policy for you both). Does that payment not leave some money for your kids futures? So they do have something from their dad.

Yes, he wants to leave more than half to me and my DC. He may leave it directly to DC to avoid the possibility of it being taxed again on my death (or I suspect, going to any future DH I may have).

It needs to be split equally imho.

It needs to be split equally in my opinion

dh learned at the weekend that his dad was thinking of leaving him less in the will (unlikely to actually happen)

it would be the end of the relationship with him and his brother and if it was likely, the duty visits to his dad would stop

In your shoes I would tell him that you’d be more comfortable if he split any inheritance equally between you and your sister. It’s almost always a bad idea to do anything else, IMO, and resentment from some corner is inevitable.

I’d decline to advise him. It needs to be his decision, not influenced by any beneficiaries, because that could be seen as genuinely unfair. If he wants to, he could leave a letter with his will, explaining his reasoning to all of you, whether it’s flawed or not.
All of us here can have opinions on what’s the right thing to do, and there are different opinions on this thread already. It’s irrelevant, because people’s ideas on what’s right or fair vary wildly and the person making the will only choose one option, so there’s always a good chance the beneficiaries will disagree between themselves.

Op your Df should leave a sum equal to you and your dsis
She may be married into wealth now but divorce happens and if you got more and she ended up divorced and no money it can cause loads of issues.

However it's perfectly reasonable for him to leave the GC more from you becusee they will very probably inherit .that said ...again anything can happen

Is there something he can do for your kids now ? Pay university fees? Pay for sports clubs ?

Your dad should talk to your sister. Why is he talking to you about this?

He would have done better to either quietly get her view then make his decision, or make his decision then inform you both separately.

What he does with his money is up
to him and any rift would not be your fault or responsibility.

I personally am not a believer in treating your children differently unless there is real need on one side and cast iron lack of it (if DS’s DH ran off or dropped dead tomorrow there’s enough that she’d be fine) on the other. GC shouldn’t really figure I don’t think.

Probably because I see him several times every week and she lives away, doesn't call much, and he's always been odd about the phone.

I don't think it's that he prioritised speaking to me, just that I was there while he was thinking about it.

Life is not fair and even.
But favouring one sibling and their family other the other most definitely is a choice.
He needs to talk with your sister, the person this impacts negatively, not you.

The only fair thing to do is equal split, and what I would tell my Dad if I were you.
It does read like you support the version you’ve put forward though.
Your life not being fair, should not impact your sister’s life.