My Dad has asked my opinion on a proposed change to his will.

[Shewas]

I have no idea what he's worth but he's always going on about inheritance tax, so I guess the estate is not insignificant.

He has two DDs and four DGCs (two each).

DSis is married to a man from a wealthy background, so DF is assuming she and especially her DC will do well from that side of the family.

My DH is deceased and we are not in touch with his family. I am full expecting DC will not inherit from them, and even if they did, I doubt there'd be much value.

I have always told DF to spend everything now and live as comfortably as possible, but that's not in his nature, so I'd expect what he has to be split equally between me and DSis, or as we don't need to money, perhaps equally between GC.

Dad is now talking about making things "fair" but not equal, by leaving a greater share to my DC, as the other GC will be so much better off anyway. I know no inheritance is guaranteed, but the other GPs have already set up trust funds for them.

So, I could see my DC advantaged, and I can kind of see the reasoning, but the whole thing makes me feel very uncomfortable. I'd hate there to be any kind of family rift, but also it doesn't feel right to advise against the interests of my DC.

FWIW I think Dsis would be hurt by Dad's actions but wouldn't take it out on me or DC, but people sometimes act out of character where wills are concerned.

WWYD?

It is unfair for your father to do this. It will only cause bad feelings between siblings. He should split equally between his 2 children if your sibling decides to give you some of hers then that’s up to her. However what if her husband runs off with someone else in the future & leaves her destitute. No your father should do the right thing and treat you both equally and you should be encouraging him to do that if you want a relationship with your siblings in the future.

I'm with your dad on this.

If I had money to leave to my children and one was significantly better off financially than the other (including factoring in provisions for DGC), I would also adjust the inheritance in favour of the less well off DC.

It's your Dad's decision to make but no-one knows what the future holds do they?

In my opinion, everything should be split equally regardless - it could potentially cause issues between you and your sibling later down the line.

Whilst it's lovely that your dad wants to even things up for the grandchildren, he presumably doesn't know the details or amounts of the trust funds so it would be difficult to make things even. Is the money untouchable or could a parent use some of it and leave the gc without? If your DS & BIL divorce, and he remarries, his kids might not end up inheriting anything from that side. Could he find out how much those gc have in their trust funds and set up funds for your kids, then leave everything to be split equally betwern you and DS or the 4 gc? Then everyone would end up with an equal share without causing a rift between you and DS.

It is my belief that parents should always divide their estate equally between their children, regardless of how rich or poor they are, or how many children they may have.

It is particularly unfair that your DF has talked to you and not to your DSis. I agree you need to encourage him to have a rethink and to treat you and your sister equally. No one has any idea what her future holds.

Also agree with making sure he doesn't go without himself in the meantime.

No. I would ask him to split equally. It sounds like they will all get a happy sum, and its actually grossly unfair on your Dsis dh in a way. Imagine if they also disinherited because they fell out or something

If I was your sister, I'd agree with your dad. A lot of people are obsessed with things always being an even split but some are more interested in doing things to give equal opportunities.
I think your dad has put you in a difficult position asking your opinion. It would have been better if he asked your sisters opinion and explained his reasoning to her so she could understand it.

There’s a bit to unpack in your replies OP but I will stick with the original post.

my opinion is when you see him next, say let’s get Sis on the phone for a family conference and discuss it with her involved. That you feel uneasy at not having her included in the discussions and that it may cause problems after he has gone and he rightly should be including her.

it may be a case of making an appointment with her due to different time zones etc, but just do it.

I suggest this out of experience. DH’s cousin excluded one of his Son’s and it ended up in court along with other interested parties. But it’s broken the brothers trust and friendship they had before.

IMO it should be split between you and your sister. There are no guarantees anyone gets any inheritance so I don't think you can leave someone less because you think the other person will get more.

My advice is always to divide the estate between your children equally, with maybe a small legacy to GC. Anything else will cause problems down the line.
If he really wants to help you out more than your Dsis, could he give you something now to make your future more secure - perhaps pay into a pension for you. Anything he gives you would fall out of IHT after 7 years and might be more understandable from your sister's POV.

I agree with your Dad that you should benefit more to equal up future prospects for you and your child. If I were him, I would do that now as it relates to current circumstances. If matters have changed in the future, he can always change his will again. Currently there are two wage earners in your sister's family plus trust funds already in place for their children. Obviously I don't know your position, but presume life is financially more difficult for you unless you benefitted from a large life insurance on your deceased husband. The gap between your finances and that of your sister, will widen with time and you are unlikely to accrue much in the way of savings unless you are already in receipt of substantial interest on savings. It would be better if he discussed this with your sister too to show that you have not initiated this.

It’s up to your dad what he does with HiS money! Leave him at it

I remember listening to a radio prog about wills
The majority of people felt equal splits was nearly always the best
Possible exceptions being re estranged kids or severe disability in one "side"
I felt they were sensible exceptions

Regardless of context unequal wills can tear families apart - ive witnessed this.
Additionally life happens so assumptions made about circumstances can end up wrong when lady luck steps in and gives someone a kicker. Divorce, deaths, long-term health issues, redundancy ...... no one can possibly know what the future holds for anyone. Even if none of those things happened, just an unequal sharing out can set the cat amongst the pigeons. Id advise staying equal but whatever he decides its best that he discusses it with all of you so there are no surprises and ill feeling after his death in which you all get to live with the consequenses.

He needs to gift you the money before he dies, silently, and split what is left equally in his will or in uneven gifts while alive. If he wants to give you more and you can use it, let him do it. This is for your children.

Well i think given Dsis kids have trust funds which are paying them incomes, I can understand your Dad wanting to even things up a bit.
I think him leaving a bit more for your kids is probably reasonable as long as everyone is on board ie he's talked to the whole family about it. And that he does leave something to the other GC as well. Ie the split is just slightly different rather than 0 and 100pc

I think he is talking to everyone?

Haven’t read the full thread and appreciate this situation is different because my db doesn’t have children but the way we dealt with it in my family was

• my db is vastly better off than me - had been v successful in his career
• my parents left everything equally to my db and me - it was important to them not to penalise my brother’s success and seem to favour me - and I totally agreed with this
• My db did a deed of variation after parents died to give his share directly to my children (his dniece and nephew)

Crucially it was up to db to make this decision.

I think unless there are definite care needs (eg one child or grandchild having a significant disability) then parents should always split inheritance equally. I’m obvs grateful that db shared his inheritance but it was his decision to make, not mine.

I am your DSis in this situation. My DM is still alive but has told me she will leave more money to my DSis in the will as she may need more financial help and my DH is a high earner. It also happened in DH's family where one sibling inherited more than the others.

It really, really hurts. It also feels unfair as so much can change. My sister could win the lottery, DH and I could divorce, we've already been through redundancy, illness happens etc etc. DH's sister inherited more than him and his other siblings because she was less well off....but she had always been feckless and had decades of living for free with her parents and still hadn't saved any money despite having a decent job. DH and his other siblings felt they had been penalised for working hard and rightly or wrongly felt like their parents loved them less.

It's all well and good saying your DF should ask your DSis what she thinks but that also puts her in an awkward position. When my mum has talked to me about it I've felt very hurt but also very uncomfortable as it is her decision and she can do what she likes with her own money.

Chris Evans’ mum left her modest estate divided equally between her 3 children. I think it was exactly the right thing for her to do.

https://www.dailymail.com/tvshowbiz/article-6069405/Chris-Evans-late-mother-leaves-133k-brother-sister.html

As far as I can see he’s asked the Op but not her sibling.

The language around it is interesting. He’s “asked” the Op (as per her post) but the Op thinks he should “tell” the sibling.

This is the only fair way.

No, sorry, circumstances changed all the time. He divides everything equally between you and your sister. And you then pass down to your children.

It never ends well. What if she falls on financial hardship? What if there’s a difficult divorce? No, no, no, keep it fair.

what he leaves you @Shewas upon his death should be equal, but if he wants to make things better/more fair etc, then he can give you gifts before he dies so you’re helped now.

Agree. Always equal shares. Saves a lot of distress. Giving you gifts now seems a good solution