My Dad has asked my opinion on a proposed change to his will.

[Shewas]

I have no idea what he's worth but he's always going on about inheritance tax, so I guess the estate is not insignificant.

He has two DDs and four DGCs (two each).

DSis is married to a man from a wealthy background, so DF is assuming she and especially her DC will do well from that side of the family.

My DH is deceased and we are not in touch with his family. I am full expecting DC will not inherit from them, and even if they did, I doubt there'd be much value.

I have always told DF to spend everything now and live as comfortably as possible, but that's not in his nature, so I'd expect what he has to be split equally between me and DSis, or as we don't need to money, perhaps equally between GC.

Dad is now talking about making things "fair" but not equal, by leaving a greater share to my DC, as the other GC will be so much better off anyway. I know no inheritance is guaranteed, but the other GPs have already set up trust funds for them.

So, I could see my DC advantaged, and I can kind of see the reasoning, but the whole thing makes me feel very uncomfortable. I'd hate there to be any kind of family rift, but also it doesn't feel right to advise against the interests of my DC.

FWIW I think Dsis would be hurt by Dad's actions but wouldn't take it out on me or DC, but people sometimes act out of character where wills are concerned.

WWYD?

I'd think of it more from the grandchildrens p.o.v.
my grandparents favoured other grandchildren over my sister, she lives with that rejection to this day not knowing why because she was literally just a child who did nothing wrong. If thats how you want your nieces/nephews to feel then by all means keep encouraging your dad to favour your kids. But I would hope the guilt would eat at you.

How is it not the same?

Life happened to both sisters. Why is that a reason why the split should be unequal?

So your dad will only treat his children and grandchildren equal if they marry men of equally rich/poor backgrounds?

However way you say it, unequal splits just lead to resentment and beliefs of favouritism. What a legacy.

The fact you are saying it goes to your kids rather than you doesn’t make any difference. It’s still you that’s benefiting. It might make it feel less grabby to you but you are still treating your sister unfairly. You know she will be hurt but are trying to make it ok for yourself.

I'm not trying to do anything. It's all his idea and as is so often said on here, it's his money. I'd much rather he spends it all.

It's not a mythical inheritance, it's trust funds they're already taking an income from.

You know your sister would be hurt.

You know your Dad won’t ring her.

So you tell her and let her talk to your Dad.

Nobody can see into the future. It’s very dangerous to try to “even things up”. What if your sister
ends up divorced? If it’s a very wealthy family, they presumably have all that sewn up tightly and she could end up with very little.

As pp said your dad needs to talk to your sister. My uncle was very wealthy with 4 dc, 1 was also very wealthy. Uncles estate was split 4 ways as that’s what uncle thought was fair & then the wealthy cousin gave his share back to his 3 siblings.

But so what? Your children might marry millionaires! Your nephews and nieces might end up disabled and unable to work. Your Dad can't compensate for all the different things that life might throw at his Grandchildren.

Your Dad needs to treat his grandchildren (and his children) equally and not play favourites.

Totally. Anything could happen.

Dsis tried this one with my dying dm: wanting her to give dsis’s dc a direct share because she was “poorer” than the other gc. Well, fast forward a few years. That dc inexpectedly inherited a large sum from a relative on the dh’s side, and she also married a wealthy man.

The very easiest and least controversial thing to do would be for your Dad to share his estate equally. You know that and you know your sister will be upset if he doesn’t so why wouldn’t you tell him to split it fairly. Cutting people out of wills often causes a lot of upset. Why would you choose to encourage your Dad to do that. By not telling him you think he should split it evenly is sending him a clear message that you want your kids to get more.

It’s up to your dad but I personally see wills and inheritance as a gift indicating your love for someone they carry so much meaning. For that reason no matter what I leave everything split equally between my children. It’s not a given your nieces and nephews will benefit in the way you all think and even if they do I personally don’t think it’s for your dad to try and “even it up”. But as you say you won’t want to advise against your children so it comes down to yours and his morals and values really.

Personally, I think a 50/50 split between you and your dsis or 50/50 between the two sets of dgc is the only fair way. However you/your dad tries to justy it, treating DC/dgc differently can lead to real upset and affect relationships. MIL chose not to treat all her dgc the same, and it has really affected the relationship between DH and his siblings. It's also left DH with so many unanswered questions about why his mother chose to be so spiteful. It has also left him doubting that she ever loved him because she did the one thing she knew would hurt him deeply. He won't even speak about her now.

I think your DF needs to talk to your sister. She might be really upset by his plan and resent him and your for it, in which case assuming that DF and you both love sis and her kids, he shouldn't do it. Or Sis may love the idea that her dear sis and nieces/nephews will get money that they need much more than she does...!

That's possible but the worst thing is the other sister is in the dark re his plans.

If he wants to skip a generaifine. He still needs to split equally between DGC. If he leaves more to your DC their cousins will feel unloved by their Grandfather.

I think this could cause a rift with DSis. Especially if she thinks you influenced this. I would also be hurt that DF would disinherit you because you might marry again & he doesn’t trust you to protect your DC’s interests. You say you are comfortable now, but who knows what the future holds.

I think the other relevant information is how old are the DGC and their current situations. Also is DF well off now, or is he thinking of assets like his house. I am just wondering whether generosity to your DC now eg driving lessons or money towards a flat deposit etc would be financially possible for him and make him feel that he is balancing the scales a little.

Otherwise I would be suggesting an equal split between all 6 of you is fairest.

This is really quite easy for your dad - 3rd to you, 3rd to your sis, 3rd to the grandchildren or 40% to each of you and sis and 20% to the grandchildren. Ultimately it's up to your dad what he does but I'm well impressed he is talking to you all about it now rather than surprising everyone on death because that's where the almighty rows start as dad isn't there to answer why he has done something. Another alternative is to gift to grandchildren in lifetime eg pay into an ISA or pension for them then split the estate equally between you and sis.

This.

50:50 is the best approach irrespective of who has what now, things can change overnight. Most people are all only 6m away from financial ruin.

If one of your children moves into a top paying career, wins the lottery or marries a multimillionaire would you be happy if your DF changed his Will again and disinherited them? It's understandable your father wants to use his money to help those he thinks need it most but maybe having a good relationship with their cousins might do more for a happy life.

It might not cause a rift? My DF (who knew he was dying) left more to my sister than me as I am more financially secure than she is and he was supporting her financially up to his death and that would obviously stop. But he spoke to me about it first - asked if I could continue the financial support. I said I’d rather he just left her more money rather than her having to come to me for money as that would damage our relationship- so that’s what he did. I know he didn’t love me less. It all made sense for us as a family.

It will poison the family to do this. The other grandchildren will feel less loved, the sister will feel shunned and nothing good will grow.

I would point out that none knows what the future holds. Your bio could die what would happen to your sister then? his parents could lose everything or have to spend everything on care so there is nothing left

indeed he could spend it al on care home fees

it should be split 50/50 between you and your sister

I don’t know why you are impressed.

He’s telling the family that benefits. Not the family that will be treated differently.