Husband is ruining our honeymoon getting drunk …

[inkyspells]

Today is our first proper day here
We are in Mexico
He doesn’t listen to Any sort of advice or seem to have any common sense.
Anyway he started drinking at 9am this morning in the drink up pool.
Whiskey /cocktails and shorts but no water or soft drinks.
He was with a couple,and let me go for lunch alone as he was drinking with them.
We had plans to watch the England match ,he didn’t even come to the room to get his England shirt -just drank with this random couple.
I went to meet him at 3pm and it’s now just after 4 and he can’t stand ,being sick ,dizzy and still won’t drink water .
I have put him into bed
In going out to the beach and grab some Food soon I think.
Im honestly so sad and feel really alone
Am I being ott or would you be sad too ?

I think I would change my flight and go home. And maybe I would accidentally forget that I had put his passport in my suitcase for safekeeping…….

Is it holiday madness or a long standing problem?

This with bells on, high volume, a million times.

Hopefully he's feeling sorry for himself today and will apologise. I would make it very clear how hurt you're feeling though and that if it happens again, you'll be flying home without him.

Was he looking forward to the honeymoon? The wedding? Did you not plan the honeymoon together and get excited about where you were going, what you would do there?

If he's old enough to get married, he's old enough to understand drinking alcohol first thing in the morning with no breaks for water, food etc is stupid. Let alone leaving his wife alone on their honeymoon...! So odd.

Is he learning disabled?

It sounds like a long-standing problem. OP says he's done it before.

She presumably chose to ignore the red flags when it happened before because she loves him and no doubt he assured her it wouldn't happen again etc.

This is a cautionary tale for people to not just stick their fingers in their ears and ignore behaviour like this and hope it will go away after marriage. If anything people with addictions tend to let it rip after they are married as they feel less vulnerable.

And obviously nine times out of ten having children makes things a million times more stressful and can break all but the strongest marriages. A vulnerable alcoholic who can't deal with his own new wife on honeymoon is not going to do well with squalling infants around him.

For the love of God OP, if you're still reading, don't have children with this man.

Presumably you knew he was a drinker before you married him, so I don't really have any advice. Alcoholism is an addiction that is very difficult to get out of. My father was an alcoholic, so I married a teetotaller. The image of my father disappearing on our holiday or our home to drink beer in the open and blabbering nonsense is still in my nightmares. Once he got so drunk on a trip that he didn't know where we were, pissed his underwear and slept on the tiles in our bathroom. We were kids and couldn't use the toilet, I had to do it in a container in my room. Mother all the time pretended all is fine and still pretends like nothing ever happened even though he's been dead for 3 years (his addiction finally killed him). Don't be my mother.

Best reply on this thread !

A woman after my own heart !

You go girl !😄

Too late now but I wonder why you married him when you knew he was like this? You know it’s not going to get better right? Don’t double down on your mistake by having kids with him.
Ignore him and try to enjoy a nice evening to yourself.

He is showing you who he is.
Leave now and never look back.
Marriage to an alcoholic is a whole new realm of misery and most likely poverty and debt.

This is what me and DH do together on holiday! We go to the swim up bar and meet loads of new people. We drink most of the day, have a nap around 5pm, then get up at 7pm and go for dinner and a show.

Ok, sorry - just seen your other posts.

January - partner won't drive 5 minutes to help you safely travel when it was dangerously icy, but helped his friend instead.

March - partner said he couldn't pay his half of the holiday (presumably this holiday)

March - refused to help around the house when you were ill, refused to do any cooking, often lies in til 11am and does no cleaning.

March again - partner has a massive gambling problem

April - partner never wants to do anything with me, despite having lots of free time

So there's two takeaways here: The first is that your partner is a moron, and will absolutely not change, and almost certainly get worse.

The second part is that your partner has very explicitly clearly shown what kind of person he is. You chose to marry that person, and elected to spend the rest of your life with him.

Most men are not problem gamblers, problem drinkers, feckless misanthropic toddler-minded oafs with no self control or emotional intelligence. But a reasonable portion are, and somehow some women keep choosing not only to date them, but also to marry them.

Most people get married to someone who they're basically best mates with, who they love unconditionally and would do anything for. They put their husband/wife over pretty much everything (until kids come along and nudge their way into the top spot!).

Some people don't marry that kind of person, but that's a choice, not an obligation. And we have to live with our choices.

My ex did this on our honeymoon, but then he also had a hip flask at our wedding and kept swigging from it. I went back to our villa but realised we only had one key so at around 11pm went to walk back to the bar. As I was walking back to the bar I bumped into him being carried back by the couple he was drinking with.

He came to bed, then I heard something that instantly made me think he was going to be sick so I kicked him out of bed and lo and behold he vomited all over the bathroom. I made him clear it up and had no sympathy whatsoever. It was vile.

The next day I made him come down to breakfast early and made him carry on with what we had planned. Like hell was i going to give him any form of sympathy or get out for his own selfish behaviour.

@Komints Most men are not problem gamblers, problem drinkers, feckless misanthropic toddler-minded oafs with no self control or emotional intelligence. But a reasonable portion are, and somehow some women keep choosing not only to date them, but also to marry them.

Worst still, some women choose to procreate with them, just adding to their workload and compounding their problems.🙄

....and then come on MN multiple times to complain but frequently only make a few posts before moving on to the next drama.

If you haven't had sex with him since you got married, don't! Keep your options to annul open. If he has form for this behaviour and an alcohol problem, and never listens to advice and common sense, you were mad to marry him.

The point is the OP has no desire to drink her head off during the day on holiday & speak to strangers. Her husband does which literally leaves her on her own. If this is his regular free time behaviour at home then he is an alcoholic. It's up to the OP if she wants this type of lifestyle for the rest of her living years or whether she decides she made the wrong decision & leaves him with view to a fresh start.

I'd love to know the reason why you went ahead and married this man.

Family pressure? too invested in the ' Princess for a Day' aspect? thinking you want kids so you got married first?

Unless there is a massive drip feed about WHY you married this scumbag, I'm not sure I have much sympathy to be honest.

I'd be considering annulment!

And I wouldn't be sitting in the room nursing him. He could sort himself out whilst I went exploring / swimming / whatever.

I'd be expecting a massive apology.

Welcome to your future. If you don't walk away now your life will always be like this. He thinks it is ok because not only did you let him away with it last time but you married him so in his thick head you really don't mind. Show him that you do mind, fly home and leave him to it. Have the marriage annulled or live a life of hell. Your choice.

Surely this behaviour hasn’t sprung out of no where? If he’s done this before why are you surprised or even still with him?

You can’t be upset when someone continues to show you who they are and you do nothing about it.

Honestly after looking back at the other posts, I am thinking the same.

He drinks too much, he doesnt want to do anything with the OP, she runs around after him doing all the cooking and cleaning and when she is ill he refuses to help her. She has been told over and over again what a twat he is and she married him. Some people will just never see it but then I do not understanding complaining about them.

OP you knew what his behaviour was like, this man doesnt give a shit about you. You cant marry someone like that and be shocked they continue acting selfish and like they dont give a shit. He isnt acting any different to normal, so why are you surprised?

If this has happened only a few times and he is sorry after (or is when you explain how you feel), then you can work on things. If this is a regular occurence for him and he is not at all apologetic when you explain how you feel and that it's not acceptable, I would look at divorcing.

Basically, if this a rare blow-out which he feels bad about after or is he an alcoholic/problem drinker? That will give you your answer.

As someone who has been married to someone like this for 16 years (but not quite as bad now we have kids) this is your life if you choose to accept it he won’t change they just don’t. If you aren’t ok with it get out now and I’m so sorry for you but believe me they don’t change.

He is showing you who he is.