How do you react if your child is rude to you ?

[yesyeah]

Dd 8 is very rude to me, tells me to shut up, or just speaks with such attitude.
She came in the door and threw her shoes and bag down in the hallway so I couldn’t get the door shut be because her things were just dumped and I was manoeuvring a pushover over them so I asked if she would pick her things up and she looked at me said erm no and walked into the lounge and shut the door while her sister picked up her things and hung up her bag and coat and put her shoes on the shoe rack as she always does with her own.
After I opened the door and said excuse me, she said shut up and stuck her tongue out while pulling faces.

I have just called her down for dinner and had no reply so I called again and she says alright idiot I know, so again I say don’t speak to me like that and she says shut up.
On the way home she was eating a sweet that’s someone at school gave her as it was their birthday and I said it smells nice and she said that’s because it is nice stupid why do you think I’m eating it.
I am fed up of the way she speaks to me, I know kids have attitude but this is so disrespectful and everytime I say anything she is more disrespectful calls me more names and says to shut up.

I wouldn’t say she’s ever hit me but she swiped at me to indicate she’s imagining to but she’ll only brush my sleeve or something just to show she wants to.

So as my title how would you react if your child was rude to you?

It sounds like she walks all over you, has no respect for you and that you’re tip toeing around her.

This is appalling behaviour. What consequences do you give her for it? Mine would get one warning to remind her that she is to speak to me properly, and then if repeated in short order there would be a consequence where she would lose something of high value to her - eg screen time.

This level of disrespect is only happening because you allow it. I would respond very robustly if my child behaved like this to me, consequences would be immediate and they would be real.

You cannot continue to allow this.

I don’t think I tip toe around her, I just don’t get any results, she absolutely has no respect, does exactly as she wishes and if I give her any consequences she shrugs and says shut up or don’t care.

Appalling behaviour… what are the consequences?

They would be severe for that kind of behaviour in our house.

Wow, sounds like you let her get away with a lot Sorry OP unless she has consequences she has no reason to behave nicely

What consequences are you giving OP?

Has she always been like this?

What sort of consequences do you give.

I do but then she carries on with the attitude that’s she’s lost her privilege now so she may as well carry on.

And what do you do next?

What consequences would you give.

To be honest I would have stopped the moment she dropped her things, if she refused to pick her stuff I would be staying right there until she picked it up. The evening would not continue, dinner, snacks nothing until she had picked it up. They learn pretty quick. The next night she will pick it up.

This is ridiculous. If you can't sort this now you've no chance in 5 years time. I can't believe you can't think of any suitable consequences.

Take away iPads/TV time.

Stop letting her attend any clubs or activities.

When she asks for a play date you say no.

She wants pudding after dinner, it’s a no.

She wants to stop off at the shop for a treat after the park, it’s a no.

Keep a sticker chart and only on days that she gets happy faces is she allowed to pudding or tv etc. Days where she’s been rude and has sad faces she gets nothing.

If this has become a habit, you probably will have to stick out a few (possibly epic) 'may as well keep going' sprees of rudeness if you suddenly start enforcing boundaries. That's okay – you need to be the adult, stay calm, and keep reiterating the boundary. She's lost the screen time regardless of what she does now. She can try again tomorrow. (I would not personally keep piling on the consequences at this stage, as you don't want to get into an endless spiral – she needs a chance to try and do better quite quickly.)

Do you ferry her to any clubs? I don't do things for people who are rude to me, so a child consistently mouthing off might find themselves missing football/swimming/gymnastics/guides (after suitable warnings that if they didn't apologise and start speaking politely, this would be the consequence).

I suspect this started when she was much younger, and you've let it slide. It's a lot easier to use a firm tone the younger they are.

The punishment thing is tricky becuase some children then just seem to go "fuck it".

I agree immediate consequences.

DD, come here and pick this up right now in a very firm tone. "If you don't pick this up, i hope you aren't expecting me to make you a snack/do whatever it is she will want you to do." "Please go to your bedroom - I don't want children who can't do basic chores in the lounge with the rest of us right now."

If she speaks to you rudely around dinner, tell her that in future you'll call her once. If she doesn't come down, then that's fine. But she will have to eat her dinner cold and she won't be getting pudding or whatever.

But to be honest, I'm not really sure what to suggest because I can't imagine letting it get this bad in the first place.

Also, the flipside is the positive. Lots of praise for positive behaviour. Even small things.

I say "woah, you do not speak to me like that!" Usually I get an apology straight away, if not they'd be sent to their room to think about what they've said. In extreme circumstances, devices would be removed. But in all honesty, maybe once or twice has it been extreme, rarely are they sent to their room and speaking rudely isn't common - it was nipped in the bud early, they respect me and we generally all speak to each other nicely.

Your dd is bang out of order, at 8 you need to get this under control or you'll have no chance when she's older!

You aren't telling us what the consequences are, with my DC the consequences would get harsher and harsher until they did as they were told and stopped the attitude. She is only 8 if you don't put very firm boundaries in place what will she be like in a few years - once they start secondary school they usually start feeling their feet anyway. You are in for a nightmare unless you show her who the parent is

Blimey. Her feet wouldn't touch the floor if she were mine.

Stop everything for her. She needs a very strong talking to about the way she speaks to you. How DARE she tell you, or any other adult, to shut up and call them an idiot.

I'm with the pp that the minute she'd refused to pick the stuff up there would have been one warning and then consequences. You say that if there's no screen time then she carries on being rude? I'd say in a bored voice 'You've lost the phone for tomorrow now as well. Keep going with the rude behaviour and life will get even more unpleasant for you'. And I'd stick to this. Don't make idle threats. Make life unpleasant for her if she is rude. If there are no consequences to poor behaviour then there is no point in being good.

I'm not going to tolerate being spoke to like shit by a child. And if you don't sort it now you'll have no chance when she hits her teens. I suspect it's too late already, you sound like you feel helpless.

I don’t know what to do next, I run out of ideas once she’s lost screen time, had toys confiscated and lost pocket money, she still carries on and I’m wracking my brain for another consequence that will bother her.

She would just walk away or go upstairs. I’d be the one standing there all night, she couldn’t care less.

Crikey, why on earth did you let her sister pick up her stuff? She would've been made to come and pick up her own stuff and apologise and if she had carried on being rude or refused there would've been no tv and she would be going to her room.

Ideas for consequences - Tidy the hallway, no tv for the rest of the day, do a chore,no treat at the weekend, no going out to play, removal of a prized toy or possession. mine are teens so it's always the phone but in the past it's been the x box.

For calling you an idiot about the dinner make her clean up afterwards and then send her to bed with no tv. Honestly, she is running rings around you.

How long have things been like this, OP?

Agree with this. When mine's done the 'I don't care that I've lost my privileges' bluster, I do a 'Oh, don't you? Thanks for letting me know that. So you can lose X/Y/Z as well then'. And so on, until she gets it. The key is to stick to it. She'll learn.

Don't expect her to just roll over straight away, she's clearly got away with a lot for a long time. SHe's going to kick off more to begin with, once you start implementing effective boundaries and consequences. You have to keep going till she gets it, no matter how much she creates a fuss.