Partner forgot my birthday again, should I mention it or leave it?

[MiserableMrsMopp]

My partner forgot my birthday. I'm not particularly a birthday person, although appreciate a card and maybe flowers or a small, low value gift. I always do that for him. It's not the first time. 5 years ago he forgot twice in a row. After the 2nd time, I did nothing for his birthday. He was upset!

Do I remind him? (YANBU)
Or just forget it. (YABU)

I'm not particularly upset, just a bit peeved that he's either selfish or so self absorbed he'd forget.

Have you had a conversation about your birthday in the last week/month?

Is he lazy in other ways?

Tell him, and say you're shifting your birthday forward one week so you'll celebrate then. He can get a card and small gift in the meantime.

YANBU- sounds like you could do better!

Someone will be along soon and tell you it's your own fault because you didn't remind him that he needed to remember it was your birthday.

I think I'd just tell him since he's forgot again then it's easier that no birthdays either way happen anymore and go to bed.

That way you won't begrudge him getting upset if you don't bother.

Just say something like "as we're clearly not doing birthdays anymore, here's fair warning that I shan't do anything for yours either."

And that you’re an adult and ‘no adults I know bother with birthdays’.🙄

People who say shit like that are usually just married to selfish husbands who can’t be arsed making any effort, so they convince themselves birthdays “don’t matter” instead of admitting the bloke they share their life and body with simply doesn’t give a fuck.
Then they act like women with normal expectations are the problem.... probably because facing the reality that their husband’s a selfish cunt would sting a bit too much.

They’ve been together for at least five years. If he still needs a reminder after five years, then he either has significant memory issues or he simply doesn’t care to remember. How many phones don’t have the capability of sending birthday reminders? Moonpig even send you a reminder email. It takes 30 seconds to set those things up.

I don’t make a big deal out of my birthday. All I want is a card from my DH, and a chance to eat a slice of cake somewhere. If he forgot once, I’d let it go. Twice I’d tell him I was bloody hurt and he had some serious making up to do. Three times and I’d tell him he was a selfish fucker and Hell would freeze over before he got a Happy Birthday out of me, let alone have a fuss made of him.

I love birthdays so I would always have a conversation in the week or month beforehand about what I want to do for my birthday, if there's a gift I want or we need to arrange babysitting etc.

I do find it a bit odd to not mention your birthday at all until afterwards and then be upset it wasn't marked.

Ltb. It isn't being needy/grabby expecting a bit of fuss on your birthday imo.

LOL. There is no way I'd remind him ahead of time. I'd prefer he forgets than I have to remind him. I'm not his parent.

Everyone I know bothers with birthdays. I mostly go along with mine because others like to do something. I'm of an age now where it's all very 'Meh' to me.

There won't be a row. If he doesn't remember that he's forgotten on his own, I won't be telling him. And I may just not bother with his either. Again, without warning him. Unless he comments on my 'forgetting' his at which point I'll refresh his memory.

LOL.... Why should she have to remind him?

I bet he doesn't need to remind her about his birthday...

I just find it really weird to not say 'it's my birthday next week I'd like to go out for dinner' or 'I'm out on Saturday with the girl's for my birthday'.

You find it odd that someone she’s been in a ltr with for at least five years can’t trouble his arse to remember her birthday without her needing to remind him?

Because this man supposedly is the person that loves her most in the entire planet.... He can fucking put a a reminder in his phone to repeat every year for eternity....

He has absolutely no excuse for forgetting.

Do you not want to go out and do something for your birthday or get a gift or anything though?

I’m with you OP - birthdays are such a non-event for me, but I’d be hurt to not have any acknowledgment, even if it’s a cup of tea and a happy birthday kiss.

What’s bad is that he expects attention on his birthday, how hypocritical! Personally though, I’d have mentioned it before. Not necessarily to remind him, but surely it comes up in conversation?

Yep absolutely, I always want to do something for my birthday, see my family go out with friends etc.
I just can't imagine not having any plans or gift preferences at all 😂

I wouldnt get him anything or acknowledge his in anyway. If he asks about it I'd say that you thought this was how your doing things now seen as he didn't get you anything.

Of course she does! But it’s pretty meaningless if she’s had to organise it herself because the man who is supposed to love her can’t be bothered to remember it. What’s the point?

Happy Birthday!

Does he show hatred towards you in other ways?

Sorry girl but happy birthday from me ❤️