Partner forgot my birthday again, should I mention it or leave it?

[MiserableMrsMopp]

My partner forgot my birthday. I'm not particularly a birthday person, although appreciate a card and maybe flowers or a small, low value gift. I always do that for him. It's not the first time. 5 years ago he forgot twice in a row. After the 2nd time, I did nothing for his birthday. He was upset!

Do I remind him? (YANBU)
Or just forget it. (YABU)

I'm not particularly upset, just a bit peeved that he's either selfish or so self absorbed he'd forget.

No excuse. Low effort men making you feel like this. Its one bloody day a year. Drastic I know but it would have been the end for me after doing it twice in a row

That isn't what OP said. She said she wants her partner at least to acknowledge her birthday to show he cares. She just doesn't want a big deal made out of it. She's perfectly consistent, notwithstanding people's attempts to portray her in some other way.

God. I don't know why it's so hard for people to just use their phone calender to input birthdays, and make it a recurring yearly event! Everyone is glued to their phones yet no one can manage that one thing. Including my group of friends 2 years ago who ALL forgot my birthday.

Yes it's lazy and hurtful. I honestly don't know how so many people mess this up.

I’d do this then move on and forget it. One less thing for you to remember! Although given we all have phones etc, if you know you forget these things why doesn’t he put them in his phone with reminders… that does seem lazy, as there’s no real excuse these days.
PS I hope you had a lovely birthday anyway op.

So he forgot your birthday two years running 5 years ago, so you ignored his and he was upset?

How long ago was this and what’s happened on your/his birthdays since!

Anyway, OP, Happy Birthday, and treat yourself to something to celebrate.

OP have you received cards from family and friends? Surely he must have noticed them and realised he has forgotten?

I think he's probably lazy and thoughtless. But there is a difference in "forgetting" someone's birthday and purposely ignoring it. Deciding in advance that you are not going to acknowledge your partner's birthday knowing that will upset him is pretty shitty behaviour. What do each of you do to demonstrate your feelings for one another? Do you love/like him?

After forgetting for 2 years, then getting stroppy about you not doing anything for his and then being told, you’d think he’d put a reminder in his phone to pop up the week before!

OP congratulations on another trip round the sun.

I was literally about to ask if any of your family and friends have given you a card. Surely somebody has?

I’d match his energy by forgetting his birthday too. When he gets stroppy just say, you forgot my birthday too! The year you remember my birthday will be the year you get one too!

OMG I'd be so annoyed!

Yes tell him.

But a calendar, mark all important days in it hang it where it's visible.

What else does he do that shows he doesn't care about you?

And I may just not bother with his either.

Don't bother. If birthdays aren't worth remembering it needs to go both ways.

Has he not noticed your other birthday cards?

It's awful hes forgotten your birthday 3 times in 5 years? Is that right? For me it would come down to how he is in all other aspects of your relationship. If hes selfish and thoughtless in other areas then maybe you need to start to reconsider if hes worth it. If hes just forgetful and you are very happy in all other areas of your relationship then let it go if you are truly not bothered about birthdays. but that means absolutely no birthday celebrations of any kind for him either. Something tells me hes not the perfect partner though and there are deeper issues.

Its not hatred 🙄

Forgetful, uncaring maybe...but it's a long way from hate.

He should rememebr on his own, it's not about big blow out birthday, but basic respect, care and decency.
I would not be in that relationship after it happened for the second time. If he can't be bothered to out one day in his calendar, he would not be a man for me. Mainly because it never ends up as just that one thing

Lots of people send texts or emails rather than cards.

I don't know how you couldn't say something. I'd be fuming. I know some people genuinely struggle with memory but after the first time he forgot he should have put something in place like reminders on his calendar. He's shown a complete lack of care.

@DancingNotDrowning

oh and not mentioning that someone forgot whilst being sad that someone forgot is practically the definition of martyr behaviour

Ahahaha, nope.

Joan of Arc called, she wanted to remind you that a martyr is someone prepared to die for
their cause. Thomas More is on the line too, in case she needs back up.

So what happened on your birthday? Did you say good morning, how are you? Then just go about your day?? And never once say, you know it’s my birthday today???

Do you get cards/presents from other people? Doesn't that jog his memory?

To forget your birthday 3 times in 5 or 6 years is really bad.

I wouldn't do anything at all for his birthday.

If he mentions it ahead of time, tell him that you will be treating it as he treats your birthday ie an event of absolutely no importance at all. No card, no gifts, no special dinner, no verbal good wishes.

Id find it hurtful that he forgets, you shouldn't have to remind him , he sounds a shit husband who lacks care towards you. Keep forgetting his and don't acknowledge it.

I would never say anything this because 1) I choose not to celebrate my own birthday and 2) it looks a bit greedy/grasping to be reminding folk that I had a birthday coming up.
We're all different - I would find it weird to even mention my own birthday.

She doesn’t want to remind him. She doesn’t want to have preparatory chats. She doesn’t want to pretend she needs a dinner out when she doesn’t.

She wants him to give enough of a shit about her to give her a card without any of that. Just as (we hope) our partners give enough of a shit about us - after many years together - to remember basic stuff like whether we take sugar in our tea and if we hate peas.