Partner forgot my birthday again, should I mention it or leave it?

[MiserableMrsMopp]

My partner forgot my birthday. I'm not particularly a birthday person, although appreciate a card and maybe flowers or a small, low value gift. I always do that for him. It's not the first time. 5 years ago he forgot twice in a row. After the 2nd time, I did nothing for his birthday. He was upset!

Do I remind him? (YANBU)
Or just forget it. (YABU)

I'm not particularly upset, just a bit peeved that he's either selfish or so self absorbed he'd forget.

I didn’t call you weird for saying your non focus on a birthday was weird.

i called you weird for starting a thread about being peeved your DH had forgotten your birthday and then snippily telling a poster “but you do you” at the suggestion that you might have casually referenced your impending day.

You’re response was a mean and unnecessary reaction to someone who had taken the time to post a decent response. clearly living up to you user name.

For the final time. The person I was responding to wasn't you.

The person I was responding to said some things which I quoted. And it was then assumed they were my words. Which they weren't. They were direct quotations. She called me a martyr, told me I was playing games and said I felt crap among other things. None of which were true but all of which were a tad rude and, yes, by your standard, snippy.

Now, it may have been that if her birthday were forgotten those things might have been the case for her. But they're not the case for me. She gave snippy and I gave it back.

If you want to think that a random poster (me) on the internet is weird. Fine. Not a problem.

You've been a fair bit more unpleasant in this response than OP was in any of hers.

Fair enough - you quoted me and I was the only person who called you weird so easy mistake.

not sure why my one response to you warrants a “for the final time…” but as you said “you do you” 🤷‍♀️

Unpleasant because I referenced OPs attacking a PP as “miserable” 🙄🙄🙄

crikey 😂

She didn't attack a PP - she said "but you do you".

However if you think she did make a personal attack, you know where the report button is.

You called OP weird, said that she had had a mean and unnecessary reaction and that she was living up to her user name - clearly (as you say) referring to her as miserable.

Yep, you've definitely been more unpleasant.

Multiple times? Thats hatred sorry

You've been with your partner 5 years, you shouldn't need to remind him when your birthday is. If his memory is that poor, then he needs to set a calendar reminder on his phone/write it on a physical calendar. Most people don't need reminders when their partner's birthday is approaching; he's a fully functioning adult, so therefore should remember.

Not everyone wants a fuss on their birthday, and that's fair enough. However, most people at the very least would appreciate a card, and their partner wishing them a happy birthday, as a bare minimum.

Yes, you need to speak to him, because his behaviour has upset you. I would suggest that you spell it out very clearly what your expectations are for your birthday. Remind him how upset he was, when you 'forgot'!!

But he has a mobile phone? He can set it to beep loudly everyday for a month prior to the event if he has to!

Yep or send himself an Outlook or Gmail email / calendar reminder. There is no excuse to forget nowadays.

harsh but I agree with you

It doesn't work for him. He has memory issues. An alarm will go off on his phone and he will switch it off. He will read an email and forget about it 5 minutes later. He forgets things I tell him within minutes and asks me again when I have already told him. It is very difficult.

I take it that you don't know anyone with cognitive issues?

If my DH forgot even once he'd be toast. I'd celebrate with friends and not do anything for his birthday, infact I might plan a nice weekend away with my friends on his birthday. He might remember more carefully next year.