How would you solo-celebrate your 50th birthday?

[50andFeelingUnloved]

For reasons that are too long winded and too identifiable to write, I feel really let down that my loved ones have not planned anything for my imminent 50th birthday, despite them talking about it for months.

Usually, due to being a lone parent for almost 20years, my birthday has been a minimal affair, but this one was talked about as being a big deal and important, and I was looking forward to celebrating. I have adult children, and plenty of good friends from different facets of my life, but it appears I will be spending it on my own, with the dog.

I am so overwhelmingly sad about this. And this emotional response was, in itself, confusing me because historically, I haven't been upset that my birthday was a minimal affair. I now recognise that it is because I feel it serves as a mirror to how people view/value me. I feel unloved and like I don't matter to anyone, that I just live to serve other peoples needs but am not a priority for anyone, or worth celebrating. My logic brain knows this is not wholly true but my emotional brain is fighting logic real hard.

I'm now being offered breadcrumbs and maybes.
I've thrown my toys out of the pram and told them not to organise or do anything, that I don't want a pity party.
I've decided that I am NOT sitting at home on my own and I will plan something special to do on my own.
But I'm struggling to come up with feasible ideas, things I've considered and got excited about vary but either have a minimum of two people, aren't available that weekend or just cost too much money-which I struggle to spend on myself.

So I'm asking for suggestions of what you would do in a similar situation to see if I can be inspired.
Please don't say spa day, but I'm quite open to other ideas.
The dog can be part of it, but can also be cared for elsewhere.

I book a dog friendly hotel in a lovely spot, long walks and cosy dog friendly pub/restaurant for dinner. Dogs don’t let you down

If you can afford to, book a facial or massage treatment, day before buy favourite food/drink that you enjoy along with getting your nails/toenails varnished. Get a good book and indulge yourself.

if spa treatments are not your thing, buy a ticket for the cinema to see something you want to see

alternatively a lunch and potter at a garden centre.

What I'm doing this year: Two nights at a nearby country hotel/restaurant, way out of my normal price range and absolutely lovely. It has a relaxed atmosphere and fabulous staff. I'm telling them I'm celebrating on my own, in hopes they'll pull out a little something special 😄

Last time: I went to see Derren Brown, a long-term ambition of mine. Stayed at a pleasant hotel and went to very nice little restaurants. Did a bit of sightseeing, but the show was my big event.

Previously: I've been to Barcelona, Amsterdam, Lisbon and Brussels for day and weekend trips. All very easy. Loads of European cities are within a short flight - I lived near Gatwick at the time, though. If you can fly fairly readily, just pick a city whose airport is nearby.

Never done Eurostar, but hope to before long. Strasbourg's pretty.

One year I went to the opera because I hadn't done that since I was a child.

I'd also love a few days at a sunny beach, with boat trips and jet skis!

I'll catch up on the thread now, and probably find you like entirely different things from me!

Do you think that there’s a chance everyone is playing down your birthday and is actually planning a big surprise?

If that is definitely not likely to be the case, I would be inclined to go away, either for the day or on a trip.

I immediately thought a spa day, but saw you don’t want that. What are your interests? What would you consider to be a treat for yourself? What about budget? You’re entitled to splurge a bit without feeling guilty, so think about what would give you pleasure.

If your dog can be cared for, have you considered looking into flights? There’s amazing deals to be had for extreme day trips, either within the uk or to Europe, or you could even go for a few days if you feel brave enough or budget allows.

Regardless what you do, it’s important that the occasion is marked and you do something other than be at home.

Happy Birthday when it comes xx

I’m not one for big birthdays but I had loads of people telling me what they were planning for a special birthday. All planned out apparently, telling me the days to book off. When it came round to it nothing was sorted

i’ve planned a lot for other peoples birthdays, that didn’t bother me until they suggested what they were going to do for mine but didn’t

I booked myself a very long weekend in a major city, did what I wanted to do during the days then had nice meal then relaxed at hotel at the night

Paris for the day

Could you go on a day trip? A friend and her daughter went to Copenhagen for the day for her 40th.
The flight left about 7am and landed back late at night. They had about 6 or 7 hours in the city

On my actual 50th a boring weekday I took myself alone to a very nice London spa then went to a lovely cafe and sat people watching with a slice of cake. I did celebrate with friends and family on other days but spa and massage was lovely and chilled a big highlight

Go to London and stay in the Gyle Hotel. Friendly and cosy but smart

book a play or show, orctwo and a fancy lunch

Fly to Paris and wander the beauty of the city, Treat yourself to an Hermes scarf

Drive to Le Touquet, even with your dog, and enjoy the French coast

If you're sure there's not a surprise party being arranged, I would suggest kicking off your 50s with a mini trip - where will depend on what you enjoy, budget (do not be stingy towards yourself)and starting location. Whilst away, I would spend sometime really focusing on places you want to go and things you want to do over the next decade. Have fun!

Thank you all, for all of the suggestions.

Some answers to the questions....

Budget: ideally about £200, but if it was an idea that really grabbed my attention I could stretch to £500.

I have 3 days. Next month. My birthday is a Saturday so it seems even more wrong not to celebrate than if it was eg a Tuesday.

I'm not into material things, shopping etc, probably a hangover from being a skint lone parent for a long time.

I am creative and would love a weekend retreat, I looked for crochet related ones but none are on that weekend. I'm open to discovering a new craft though.

My idea that needs more than one person was hiring a narrowboat for the day, I've done this twice before as part of a group and it completely soothed my soul. I hope to buy one, one day.

I love the idea of doing something every month, and have decided I'm going to do that, but its not the answer to my actual birthday weekend.

To those commenting on it not being anyone else's responsibility to organise my birthday, usually I'd agree, but that is not what has been said for months. It was clear that it was going to be organised for me but due to the lack of questions re who I'd like to invite etc, and friends asking what I'm doing, I asked what was happening-nothing. One of my DC booked a holiday and is returning after my birthday. An error and they feel rubbish about it but it really stings.
I have asked if there is a surprise something and given my upset I think I would get an honest answer, I was told no.

I like the idea of a city break. But not abroad, because the travelling itself would be too draining and there is so much in this country that I haven't explored. eg I've lived in the UK for 30years and never done the London tourist things.
Where other than London would people recommend, that might be cheaper but still interesting?
I love and miss the sea, I'd be happy if it was coastal, don't mind a museum, or discovering new (to me) things I'm fairly central and happy to drive for a few hours.

I sometimes celebrate birthdays on my own. I generally try to because it's a day where I can do exactly as I please.

This year I'm going on quite a big holiday so you could do that?
What's something that you've always wanted to do or a place you keep meaning to go to but think it's too extravagant? Could you do that?
Anything you want to see at the West End?
Is there a place which you don't go to too often but really enjoy?
Sometimes just cinema and a takeaway is nice
Or plan something yourself with friends and family

When I say new to me things, consider that a very broad range. I have been fully focused on rearing my dc and work, there just hasn't been space for me. I have talked about feeling like I am entering a new phase where I can prioritise me, and make choices with my time and money. This is the bloomin start of it!

For my 60th birthday, I took myself out for a meal, nice not to do the washing up.
For my 50th I cleared off to Cornwall on holiday, for a week, just me & my dogs.
For my 40th, I did the same as my 50th, and my 30th for that matter.

My exH did not think that birthdays mattered and avoided actually acknowledging it like mad. Let alone go mad and buy a present. Nowadays, I have been happily and peacefully single or just dating a while so I do what ever I like on my birthday. I save up ‘birthday money’ and enjoy it.

It’s your day, do your favourite thing. Make a day or even a week of it. Think of all your favourite things or what you have always had a hankering to do and just do it x

Cities- York, Lincoln, Chester, Oxford, Bath, Bristol, as ideas?

Bath is a great city for a weekend away! Loads to do there, there's a spa in the city centre which is really relaxing. Loads of nice restaurants.

I have booked to go away on a solo city break for 4 days for my 50th. Will be the first time I go away on my own without the now grown up kids. I have booked to go to a couple of nice restaurants (I am quite happy eating out alone as I did it enough as a contractor with my job). It will be my first holiday where I can completely please myself and I am really looking forward to it. I don't think my kids (or my siblings) will even clock I'm 50 as they don't really do birthdays.

How about a writing retreat, or a pottery retreat? Just googled and saw this:
https://www.angelsfarm.co.uk - looks lovely, a pottery retreat suitable for beginners.

Personally, I’d get a cheap flight to somewhere relatively close like Paris or Dublin. Mooch around, stay in a nice hotel.

I went for a hot air balloon ride for my 50th and also a trip to London to see the German group Rammstein.
60th was Barcelona to see the Sagrada Familia cathedral...
Do something weird... Have you ever tried windsailing, for instance? Or how about a walking holiday with a group like the Holiday Fellowship which is great fun https://www.hfholidays.co.uk/

Definitely get away somewhere for a change of scene. Hire a small air bnb by the coast, do wildlife boat trip, visit nearby attractions.

Have you considered places like the channel
islands or Isle of Wight-not really abroad but far enough to make it feel special for a long weekend. Not sure where you are based but places like this are all over the country.

happy birthday (if you makes you feel better I did not even get a message saying happy birthday on my 50th).

I’ve had family and friends that haven’t made it to significant birthdays so IMO reaching 50 is an achievement.

I'm sorry for your losses.
For similar reasons, I feel ageing is a privilege and to be celebrated not feared.

Hotel trip with dog?

I had a solo 60th birthday - by choice, I should say. (I told my husband and friends to ignore it). I actually spent it at one of my favourite events in London, as the date just happened to coincide, followed by a night in a hotel. It was great, because nobody knew it was my birthday, so zero fuss.
Just do something you enjoy, OP, whatever that is - you don't have to please anyone else, just yourself.

Do London @50andFeelingUnloved !

book a night in a premier inn, the one at St Pancras is brilliant, and the hop on hop off bus tour: you see everything !

A pizza union for cheap but delicious pizza and a birthday cocktail