How would you solo-celebrate your 50th birthday?

[50andFeelingUnloved]

For reasons that are too long winded and too identifiable to write, I feel really let down that my loved ones have not planned anything for my imminent 50th birthday, despite them talking about it for months.

Usually, due to being a lone parent for almost 20years, my birthday has been a minimal affair, but this one was talked about as being a big deal and important, and I was looking forward to celebrating. I have adult children, and plenty of good friends from different facets of my life, but it appears I will be spending it on my own, with the dog.

I am so overwhelmingly sad about this. And this emotional response was, in itself, confusing me because historically, I haven't been upset that my birthday was a minimal affair. I now recognise that it is because I feel it serves as a mirror to how people view/value me. I feel unloved and like I don't matter to anyone, that I just live to serve other peoples needs but am not a priority for anyone, or worth celebrating. My logic brain knows this is not wholly true but my emotional brain is fighting logic real hard.

I'm now being offered breadcrumbs and maybes.
I've thrown my toys out of the pram and told them not to organise or do anything, that I don't want a pity party.
I've decided that I am NOT sitting at home on my own and I will plan something special to do on my own.
But I'm struggling to come up with feasible ideas, things I've considered and got excited about vary but either have a minimum of two people, aren't available that weekend or just cost too much money-which I struggle to spend on myself.

So I'm asking for suggestions of what you would do in a similar situation to see if I can be inspired.
Please don't say spa day, but I'm quite open to other ideas.
The dog can be part of it, but can also be cared for elsewhere.

I have answered these in a previous post, I think the exotic expensive ideas are because people are answering my question of what they would do.

I'm pretty sure there is no surprise. Youngest DC found me crying, and was unsettled by it as it's such a rare thing. It led to a conversation and when asked directly they said there isn't a surprise. I explained I wouldn't like a surprise because it's quite possible I'd turn up in muddy dog walking clothes.

I’d do a short UK break, staying a night or two, see something you’ve always wanted to see. A couple of years ago I went to Hampton Court for my birthday, it was fabulous weather, not in school holidays, it was lovely just wandering around. It depends on your headspace really if you’d enjoy a longer break abroad. I’ve done that when feeling lonely and though I enjoyed it I felt even more isolated in a way.

I've looked and looked and can't find affordable accomodation for dog and I by the sea. Will keep searching and hopefully find a little gem somewhere.

Ive decided I'm going to include dog cos even the thought of asking someone to look after her for the weekend feels like too big an ask right now.

I have however found my first monthly thing and booked tickets to see a little known comedian I stumbled upon online a few months ago and really like. I'm excited to see her.

But I'm struggling to come up with feasible ideas, things I've considered and got excited about vary but either have a minimum of two people, aren't available that weekend or just cost too much money-which I struggle to spend on myself

Don't discount things because they're not on the right day and start to spend money on yourself/do things 'just because'. It doesn't need to be your birthday to do this. But definitely go out on your birthday. You can probably go on a boat trip where you book on as a passenger - sometimes they do special events that include lunch or afternoon tea. Or go to the coast and go on a 'puffin cruise' or similar.

eg: Pontcysyllte Aqueduct Boat Trips | Book Your Pontcysyllte Aqueduct Tickets Aboard Little Star

Or Puffin Cruises, Amble – Dave Gray's Puffin Cruises – as seen on TV 'Robson Green's Weekend Escapes'

Perhaps try to find a social hobby that may expand your circle and provide new opportunities? I've joined a hobby group that is entirely middle aged women and as well as doing the hobby, we also do social things like meals out, go to exhibitions, craft events etc

I think looking after your dog is the very least they could do!! I hope this has given them a kick up the backside as they clearly take you for granted. I u detained you taking the dog though - the dog loves you unconditionally.

I think one of your things going forward should be a day trip to London to see the sights and maybe catch a show?

Op if you’re looking for a nice coastal retreat with the dog then how about Folkestone or whitstable? Lots going on and easy to get to if you’re in London. (Sorry if I’ve misunderstood and you’re not in London)

another thing that might be worth looking at is the British pilgrimage trust website. They have walking routes for ancient pilgrimages across the country - some are one day, some longer. I’m not religious but I find it quite moving to walk the routes that other people have walked for centuries, in contemplation. I enjoy taking the one day pilgrimages and then ending up somewhere nice where you can have a good meal, good sleep, a good breakfast, and make your way gently home the next day (by train!)

Whay do you like or have always want to do?

For my 50th I made it very, very clear I didn't want to do anything as it was the weekend before my son's wedding but my sister's decided to hold a 'family lunch' in a pub as a surprise.

I had already made plans to meet my friends on my birthday and it was so rushed and awkward.
I was really disappointed in their lack of effort. I dont drink and it wasn't even a nice pub but some people would love a pub lunch.

What really pissed me off, as my dc covered the cost of the lunch, our original plan to go away for a weekend never happened.

I woud do whatever takes your fancy and in future organise your own celebrations.

Wild swimming on the East Neuk (described as Fringe of gold on a beggar's mantle,) Scotland’s Fife Coast, is fantastic and life affirming.

https://www.cellardyketidalpool.com

Stay in neighbouring Anstruther in dog friendly accommodation. Train to Leven then bus! It’s a beautiful run!

I'm sorry that your family and friends haven't out you first for once. I would arrange a weekend away for you and DDog. If it's not too far to travel, Goodwood Sculpture park near Chichester is near the coast and allows dogs in the forest where the sculptures are displayed. 'Goodwoof' is also running weekend of 16th May (a dog event with lots of dog friendly activities). Brighton with the 'boho' North Laine and the Lanes for shopping are not to far away from Chichester and generally very dog friendly. Southsea (Portsmouth) is also nearby. Good dogs walks in Southsea Common, some areas of the beach and in Porchester Castle (a ruined castle on the beach, with a still active church inside the castle wall and a small coffee stand caravan). Portsdown Hill has good views and is a nice dogwalking spot. It has a coffee stand. Its also quite near Southwick, the village the allied commanders met to plan D-Day. Also nearby is Fishbourne Roman Palace which they say has the best Roman mosaics north of the Alps. Dogs are allowed in the gardens and I think, also in the museum itself?
There is a lot of different types of dog-friendly accommodation around the area, from hotels to self-catering and holiday parks.
I hope you have a fabulous birthday weekend!

Go to Rome OP. 2 nights is enough and it is a fantastic city with something to see on every corner.

Several years ago we were eating in Rick Steins restaurant in Padstow.

We were on the next table to a woman who was having lunch on her own and it was magnificent.

She had one of the massive seafood towers of shellfish, she had a full bottle of the English sparkling wine that they serve and she was dressed up to the 9s.

At the time DH and I were convinced she was celebrating a big birthday like her 50th. That or a divorce!

She had three courses. An amazing table looking across the restaurant for people watching. And we had a little chat and as I was drinking the same as her (by the glass as we had the DC) she offered me a top up from her bottle.

She wasn't reading a book. She was just savouring the amazing food and drink and it looked like pure luxury.

So you could do something similar op.

Alternatively I've considered a yoga/meditative retreat for my 50th as I hate birthdays and they make me anxious. So that will be on my own.

@50andFeelingUnloved have you looked at pubs with rooms? Should be able to filter on Mr&Mrs Smith.

I agree with this. Something active like trekking the Slovakian alps or kayaking - they do weekend trips. People to have a drink with at the end of the day.

Have you read 'A Year by the Sea' by Joan Anderson? It's a brilliant memoir about a woman who is sick of being taken for granted by her family and goes off to live by the sea for a year on her own and learns to recreate her life.

She then wrote a book called 'A Weekend to Change Your Life: Find Your Authentic Self After a Lifetime of Being All Things to All People' and it's a sort of how-to guide to achieve some of what she achieved but in a weekend away - which is much more doable for most of us!

Anyway, if I were you, I would get the weekend book, book a cottage by the sea for the weekend and work through it.

And Happy Birthday to you! x

Portsdown Hill has good views and is a nice dogwalking spot. It has a coffee stand.

A coffee stand? It has Mick's Burger Van, which is fabulous (and does also do coffee.)

I took myself to Paris for my 50th, because I hadn't been since I was a teenager, I wanted to go on Eurostar and I wanted to see some of the art galleries.

Other birthdays and weekends which aren't overseas have been to Thermae in Bath. I recently did a long weekend in Stratford-upon-Avon, as I'd never been, and was completely touristy. I often go round the UK to visit museums and galleries and if I can combine it with swimming as well, even better. There is so much to do in the UK, with or without a dog, so think about the type of things you like to do, book a hotel and go and do it.

(I dumped a boyfriend because he didn't bother doing anything for my 40th, even after I had asked him to get a few friends together.)

Lovely hotel in Cornwall with lovely coastal walks and craft activities.

https://www.bedruthan.com/offers/the-create-escape

Or just chose a fancy crochet pattern, buy all the bits and book yourself a gorgeous hotel or cottage and just immerse yourself in it for the weekend.

And going back to your first comment that things need two people...
The restaurants I have booked to eat at alone had 2 people as the lowest you could book online for, but I contacted the restaurants and they all said they were quite happy for a single person to dine there so I just put a note when I booked it was for one person only.

My heart goes out to you OP. I often feel the same. I would get a cottage somewhere lovely with the dog and walk in nature. The sites I use a lot are dog friendly cottages and canopy and stars who have lovely unique glamping sites and little shepherds huts. They have options from £70 a night. I have stayed here and it was gorgeous and so peaceful https://www.canopyandstars.co.uk/britain/england/leicestershire/tin-and-wood/justin?adults=undefined&suitability=%5B%2522dogs%2522%5D

Try a glamping pod near the coast somewhere for you and the dog? Many have hot tubs and I find sites to be very friendly safe places, usually close to the coast and a fair walk into a town

Have you considered Suffolk/Norfolk, somewhere like Lowestoft is on the end of the train line and has big sandy beaches although a lot of places won’t be dog accessible at this time of year. Or north Norfolk
somewhere like this, train to Norwich, then Cromer, then bus so a bit of an adventure but doable
https://www.airbnb.co.uk/rooms/38663072?unique_share_id=9494ddd5-9f9e-4661-809b-6cf5f37fbdc0&viralityEntryPoint=1&s=76

It is really hard to do something for yourself when you have spent your whole life doing what other people love - when I hit 50 I had to have a massive think about what I actually liked and ended up booking a day trip to a really sad (to most people) tour, the next day did absolutely nothing and on the actual day went to the zoo - it was perfect for me :)

Sorry - should have read your updates before posting! I recently stayed in a lovely hotel on the Lizard in Cornwall called Pollurian on the Lizard. Right on the coastal footpath. There was a bar with an enormous picture windown that I could easily have sat in for a whole weekend reading my book. It wasn't ridiculously expensive considering the view.

I was always passed off that i had to arrange my own birthdays big and small but I figured it was better than not having it celebrated.
What are you in to? I love history so would arrange something around that.

I fear that a lot of these ideas are well beyond £200 and even beyond £500!

Agree with the city break suggestions. So many activities you can take or leave. Or Norfolk Broads and rent a little day boat or go on a day trip, if you had a lot of fun with narrow boats in the past.