How would you solo-celebrate your 50th birthday?

[50andFeelingUnloved]

For reasons that are too long winded and too identifiable to write, I feel really let down that my loved ones have not planned anything for my imminent 50th birthday, despite them talking about it for months.

Usually, due to being a lone parent for almost 20years, my birthday has been a minimal affair, but this one was talked about as being a big deal and important, and I was looking forward to celebrating. I have adult children, and plenty of good friends from different facets of my life, but it appears I will be spending it on my own, with the dog.

I am so overwhelmingly sad about this. And this emotional response was, in itself, confusing me because historically, I haven't been upset that my birthday was a minimal affair. I now recognise that it is because I feel it serves as a mirror to how people view/value me. I feel unloved and like I don't matter to anyone, that I just live to serve other peoples needs but am not a priority for anyone, or worth celebrating. My logic brain knows this is not wholly true but my emotional brain is fighting logic real hard.

I'm now being offered breadcrumbs and maybes.
I've thrown my toys out of the pram and told them not to organise or do anything, that I don't want a pity party.
I've decided that I am NOT sitting at home on my own and I will plan something special to do on my own.
But I'm struggling to come up with feasible ideas, things I've considered and got excited about vary but either have a minimum of two people, aren't available that weekend or just cost too much money-which I struggle to spend on myself.

So I'm asking for suggestions of what you would do in a similar situation to see if I can be inspired.
Please don't say spa day, but I'm quite open to other ideas.
The dog can be part of it, but can also be cared for elsewhere.

Oh how disappointing of your family.
Id feel like you too.
I would have a long lie in as this is a luxury for me.
Go for a head to toe massage.
Home for a bubble bath then sushi, wine and chocolates with a good magazine.
Im a simple soul really!

What about Liverpool? Absolutely loads to do; museums, cathedrals, great restaurants and a short drive to lovely beaches

I love and miss the sea, I'd be happy if it was coastal, don't mind a museum, or discovering new (to me) things I'm fairly central and happy to drive for a few hours. Budget £200 - £500.

Bridgend
https://hotels.jdwetherspoon.com/hotels/the-wyndham-arms-hotel/

Whitby
https://hotels.jdwetherspoon.com/hotels/the-angel-hotel/

Bridport
https://hotels.jdwetherspoon.com/hotels/the-greyhound/

More options, plenty at ~3hrs drive!
https://hotels.jdwetherspoon.com/hotels/#h-coastal

Premier Inns by the sea. The vast majority are approx £300 for a weekend in June, there seems to be good availability.

https://www.premierinn.com/gb/en/short-breaks/coastal-breaks.html

OP, you said you’d like a coastal location, but may I tempt you with the Forest of Dean? Gorgeous locations and amazing walks with your dog.
How about this lovely lodge?
www.hoseasons.co.uk/cottages/sunrise-retreat-uk48040?adult=1&child=0&infant=0&pets=1&range=0&nights=3&accommodationType=cottages&placesId=40008&regionName=Forest+of+Dean&destinationCategory=england%7Cengland%7Cforest+of+dean&start=05-06-2026&id=40008&index=search&accommodationTypes=&features=&siteFeatures=&page=1&sort=priceasc&displayMode=LIST&newflex=true

I would look on craft courses.com for a fun workshop, sewing retreat or similar, maybe in or near York which is a fab city. Hope you have a lovely birthday.

Wow wow wow!
Thank you all so much for all of your responses, well wishes and suggestions.
They have really helped me reframe this situation, and I'm going to make a point of enjoying the planning as much as the weekend itself.
There are so many links to look through, so many great ideas. It's going to become a hobby in itself. 🤣

I have ordered the two Joan Anderson books, thank you for that suggestion. They sound like perfect fodder for my weekend and new phase of life.

Well done you best of vipers, you've done us proud. 😀

I would go on holiday, the most expensive and luxurious I could afford and spend my birthday in the sun with a pile of books and a cocktail or two.

Where do you stay OP?

Sea break or retreat. My 50th was over Covid so I did a cat cafe in London with friends and a bottomless brunch another day.

i ask about location to see if I could recommend restaurants. But my suggestion is:

hire a convertible
take a little road trip
take a little watercolour set and a very expensive box of chocolates and stop for little painting and chocolate scoffing breaks throughout the day
stay at a very posh rural restaurant with rooms type place.
Eat a very gorgeous dinner with a funny book
next day: more chocolates, more driving, more painting (maybe some paddling in the sea or an outdoor sauna)

Sorry you’ve been let down, it must hurt. Try take it as an opportunity to do exactly what you want to do!! Be selfish!!

I thought of burgh island but the budget isn’t burgh island friendly. I’d bloody love to go there.

Roughly where are you?

Northumberland Coast is stunning and you could have a lovely dog friendly break somewhere like Alnwick?

Happy birthday 🎂 in advance!

@ithinkilikethislittlelife I’m going to Burgh Island for afternoon tea! It seemed like a good compromise. 😁

I had a day trip by train to that area a couple of weeks ago and had a wander around Alnmouth and Amble and it was indeed very lovely, such that I've decided I'll probably try and go back for a couple of days or so.

But for budget and ease, I'd suggest the OP doesn't go too far away from home - it's the pleasing yourself and doing something nice that's the treat and you don't have to go too far away from home for that.

I am so envious. What a fabulous thing to do. Have a wonderful time.

I'm in the Midlands. One of the furthest points from the coast. Which is soul destroying as I grew up by the Atlantic Ocean and I miss the smell, fresh air, wind and sounds of it everyday.

That's giving a mixed message to your family and friends. On the one hand you are upset because they didn't arrange anything before which is fair! but then when they do finally realise and offer to do something you get huffy and say you don't want a "pity party". Undeserving is not how they see you, this is how you see yourself.

Once I'd got over my first huff I would encourage my family and friends to arrange something and go along with their plans to celebrate even they weren't exactly what I wanted (as long as it wasn't something I really hate); or else I would ask them to arrange something specific that I would enjoy that's reasonable in the time. Maybe a meal out or a trip for you and as many people as can make it, party at someone's house, boat ride, a big pot-luck party at your house where everyone brings something and clears up afterwards - you can tell them what you want ("and I want a big cake and a fuckton of cheap champagne") and tell them to arrange it.

Whatever it is, if one of your DCs can't be there well they'll regret it most if everyone else is there and had a lovely time. And they wont make that mistake again! Much better than you going off alone and everyone feeling guilty and dreading your next birthday.

And why should it matter if you turn up to a "surprise party" in dog-walking clothes? This kind of advance negativity can be a killer - people become scared to do anything for you in case nothing they try is good enough.

Make this be the year where people start doing something for your birthday!

Organise a singles break somewhere interesting, Barcelona or Lisbon, so you have like minded company and enjoy a week away doing something different.

How about Liverpool, if you fancy a city break but want to see the sea? You could also see what's on the Empire theatre whilst you are there, they often discount single tickets nearer to the show date.

How about an organised narrowboat trip - not quite the same as hiring a boat yourself but still a lovely way to travel! There are several options around the midlands - here's one to start with https://hargreavesnarrowboat.co.uk/our-trips/

I’d fly away somewhere lovely for a couple of days

How about Dartmoor OP? Its probably 3 hours from you and is a beautiful spot for you and the dog. Woodland walks, rivers and high vistas. Log fires. And the sea is not far either, you could take a quick detour to the beach on your journey. There are usually creative workshops as well.

I disagree with a lot of what you say and wonder if you've read the bit where they've been saying for months that they had plans and would organise something but it transpires that they haven't. I did the whole "let this be the year where people start doing something for your birthday" but nothing has been done.

It wouldn't even need to have been expensive or take a lot of arranging. I would have been delighted with a mass text to friends along the lines of "we'll be at X park on x day for mums birthday, bring a picnic and a camping chair".
We have had many get togethers of this nature over the years and I've always loved it. I'm really not hard to please!!!!

So I'm trying to make the best of a shit situation by sorting something myself instead of wallowing on my own at home.

If they feel guilty as a result of me doing that, then that's their cue that they messed up and may they learn from it.

As for turning up to a surprise party in dog walking clothes, really? You'd be happy to be in that position? With everyone looking their best, while you're standing in muddy, scruffy clothes, possibly wet from rain, hair all over the place, stinking of dog treats and mud? That's not for me. I deserve to get glammed up and feel my best imo.