Would paramedics refer me to social services if they didnt ask me anything

[Sophie2082]

Flat is very messy as husband is extremely poorly. Kitchen has dirty dishes. I am doing it on my own and baby is a velcro 9 month old and breastfeeds on demand. Typing this while he is suckling from me. Husband is so poorly he keeps vomitting into a baby potty (obviously never been used by baby, i just got it in advance)

He called the ambulance v early in the morning. He is sleeping in the spare room which has the baby changing table, baby wardrobe and a playmat with toys on the floor (noticed after paramedics left there was a cable on the floor). Honestly baby moves v slowly and i am usually with baby so will carry him off when he touches anything he shouldnt. He cosleeps with me in the master bedroom and the cot is full of clean clothes ( i put away some when i get a moment). Baby has never slept in it as he cosleeps (of course the ambulance staff dont know that but i think they saw it while standing in hallway).

They took husband away in ambulance, he honestly wasnt very lucid and kept saying he has a learning disability which means he cant reach his GP so no records of thr GP appointment. Truth is he has private health insurance so usually goes for private medical care do a & e staff can't see any records. He doesnt have a learning disability but has been diagnosed with adhd and he got a private antibiotics prescription yesterday.

They took my husband and left me with baby. No questions asked about baby but they did see baby as i was carrying him while talking to them.

This all sounds very chaotic. Have you heard from your husband?

When my baby was your babies age, I took him from room to room tidying and cleaning (I still do now tbh at 18 months) Having a tidy and clean house can really help your mental health and wellbeing.

Seen a health visitor and she only came once, was happy with everything. Went for another one at a walk in clinic. Am registered with Gp and went for 6 week appointment. Baby up to date with all vaccinations.

I went for nct. Child's grandma is nearby but dh is NC with her and tbh all her other kids live overseas so he isnt the only 1. When he was a toddler, she let him cycle onto open traffic and was not remotely concerned. She wanted me to stay in a cellar over holiday season with my baby as well as give birth overswaa..

I know about this. Which is why i dont breastfeed in it.

Do you still attend nct groups?

They can. I've been trying to get an appointment for my daughter - for medical issues they know about - for the last three days and been ignored.

All my health visitor told me was i didnt qualify for vitamins on the nhs so i had to buy them myself and the baby's weight was fine. I had like one home appointment and nothing since.

Vaccinations were uneventful.

Do you have the nhs app? Can you put in a consult through that? I can for my surgery.

You sound a bit paranoid. Nobody will report you for an untidy flat but they will if it is a danger to your child.

Put phone down.

Have a cup of tea and a sit down and breathe out while you don’t have a puking man there.

Then if you have a calm, sensible friend or relative, arrange to phone them for a chat now or this evening.

Then figure out your immediate priorities. Is it sunny? Maybe a walk? Buy something easy for supper?

Then consider if there are some low-hanging fruit in terms of making your life easier. Freecycle some clutter? Contact that cleaner again and ask her to come back and help you tidy?

Good luck.

This is all a bit confusing. You seem to be worried that paramedics will refer you to social services. From what you’ve described and shown, no, they won’t.

But the real issue seems to be what’s going on in the family more generally. Are you actually more worried about this? GP’s generally won’t ’return your calls’ and if they’re telling you to go to A&E that’s because it’s something more serious than they can deal with. It also means they’re not ignoring you.

Private medical tests etc will be sent back to your GP, just like any other hospital info will be. It may be that your GP hasn’t yet updated your husband’s record. Has he been having tests for mental or physical health problems? CBT sounds like potentially a mental health issue, so likely not related to the current ambulance attendance. If he’s been taken in, the paramedics obviously thought him unwell enough to do so, possibly because of underlying conditions or dehydration or similar.

Do you have anyone in real life who you can talk to about this? It sounds very stressful but possibly you’re directing your angst onto the wrong things - messy house - and not on what’s going on in the family dynamic at the moment.

OP please listen to the nurses who have posted on here, the threshold for Children's Services to get involved is very high, and the photograph you have posted looks like a very normal family home. Are you from somewhere other than the UK originally? I wondered if your worry about the involvement of social services was because you weren't very familiar with things in the UK, maybe because your background culture is different. Absolutely no offence meant by this question, just don't like the thought of a new mum worrying unnecessarily.

The bar is high for social services honestly.

when my sister was in care, I received a report from a meeting which detailed previous reports from police that didn’t trigger social services referrals at the time, but they were on record. Something might be said, but it looks like it’s only there in case it builds a bigger picture. Otherwise no action would be taken.

You are right that i am an immigrant. I have lived here since university. In my country, caning is allowed and even socially sanctioned (in schools for severe misdemeanours ). So no one is getting reported really for anything.

I obviously dont agree with that which is why i have chosen to raise my son here and my dh is a native Londoner.

But i dunno what the threshold here is for social services and most of my friends dont have kids.

Are you British, OP? Your posts are giving me the sense you're an immigrant and not sure how everything 'works' in the UK. Do you rely on your husband to explain things to you?

You both seem to have a fear of the system, and it looks like your husband is deliberately trying to keep his details away from the NHS. He's paying through the nose to do everything privately, and then when an ambulance is called, he pretends to have a learning disability and no medical records. Yes, he wasn't lucid, but even at that, his instinct was to give them no information. It's weird.

Do you have much of a support network?

He isnt paying anything, its through his employer which is an investment bank. He did pay for prescriptions which could be quite a lot. He always had private healthcare since he started working in banking in 2017. So he uses it.

His exact words-- i tried to login but i couldnt get into the nhs system, i have learning disability. I really think he was confused then as i has to give them his name and date of birth. I really dont think he meant to say that.

They said they cant find a record for what prescriptions he had on the system. I had to interject that it was a private appointment so of course they can't find it

On the contrarh my husband would love to use nhs. He just gets faster access via private. But when it feels really awful like now, ambulance feels like the only way and they took him in. He is still in a & e. After all there are no private ambulances.

I guess i feel thrown as i didnt expect others to see my home. I was expecting to muddle through with sick husband and recovering baby.

When you say you have learning disability what do you mean by this?

So why didn't he just say that he goes private, and give him the address of the private practice?
It's not a crime!

If they feel there are any safeguarding issues they have a duty of care to your child to make a referral to social services! Are you sure you’re not suffering with post natal depression as in all honesty it sounds like you really are not coping. Speak to your health visitor who can offer advice and support!

That makes sense with what you've posted. If DP is a native Brit then this reads as more paranoia on his part than potentially concerning. He probably is who he says he is, but I'm guessing his mental health issues are wearing you down, and the way he thinks about this stuff is starting to rub off on you.

The fear someone will take your children away - is that something he worries about? Does he get very anxious and irritable at the thought of people coming over to the house?

I think you need a broader support network. You need mum friends, and more breaks from the emotional energy he's bringing into the house.

No idea. He just said it but he really didnt look lucid. Paramedics all said he had high temperature.

This is a bit of an odd situation, but paramedics would not report a messy house unless it looked as if the baby was at risk of the mess and clutter.
If he works in banking, maybe pay for a cleaner? In the meantime, get a sling and you can get more done and the baby is still comforted.

I had mum friends from nct but they all seem focused on selling their homes so no time to meet up. We also own our flat but no interest in moving away.

Please try not to worry about being reported, your house looks so normal!

I am sorry if this all came across as confused. But i havent had much sleep as baby feeding more than usual during the night and i have also been looking after hubby

I do try cleaning in sling but then i need to sit down to feed and then baby falls asleep. He is sleeping on me now and i dont like to move or i will disturb him and he will cry.

I'm surprised to see comments criticising or saying baby shouldn't be BF so often at 9 months. I have a 9mo who is teething right now and BF for comfort frequently even though she loves her solid food. My first baby was the same, she was ill around 9mo and wanted to BF constantly for almost a week, it was rough! It's normal for babies to seek comfort.

OP it sounds like you're in a really difficult situation. But I think you need to understand that you not meeting your own standards is still good enough to meet the standards social services would be looking for. Things would need to be a lot worse. That said, if you feel you need help do reach out to your network, local health services or local charities, or get a cleaner if you can, for your own mental health. Good luck

I think you said he has ADHD which is a learning difficulty in some circumstances due to focus, attention and concentration differences. He was probably just confused when he was saying it to the paramedics. I would sometimes use LD for my son because his ASD does give him some learning difficulties due to his neurological differences but he does not have a diagnosed LD, I’m not sure why him saying he has a LD has been really zoned in on on thus thread.