Sad mum in restaurant

[Conniebygaslight]

Currently on holiday and was in a restaurant this evening. There was a family at the next table. The mum arrived before everyone else, then the dad with 2 early teen girls. The mum just looked so sad throughout. Didn’t engage with the dad at all, looked like completely avoiding him and off with her own thoughts almost lost and very small. One of her DD’s said something to her and she just sadly shrugged. I thought that if he left the table I would ask if she was ok but he didn’t. She didn’t look scared at all. I can’t stop thinking about her.
I know it’s none of my business but I really felt for her. Don’t know why I’m posting really, but if by any miracle she sees this, I hope she’s ok.

Oh come on, you've had this conversation loads on MN 🤣

You know many MNetters assume you're a man when you use that nick name.

This poster is hardly the first and won't be the last!

Go on mnetters! Own up, who is it?! 😆

For those saying the OP has assumed it’s the man’s fault… maybe she was thinking that if it WAS his fault, if she asked in front of him the woman is hardly going to say it and he might have ended up punishing her later. So on the off chance it was an abusive husband situation, it’s better to ask when the person is alone, surely?

OP I think it’s nice that you wanted to check this lady was ok. You’ll likely never know what was wrong - and maybe it was nothing, maybe that is just her face. But if I were sad, and a stranger quietly asked me if I was ok when I was on my own, I would feel grateful that they took the time to ask me. You hear stories where someone was contemplating taking their own life, but the kindness of a stranger helped them in that moment and got them the help they needed. I’m not saying that’s the case here, but I will always ask someone if they are ok if they don’t look like they are. Not to be nosy, but because I’d feel awful if I later read that something had happened to them.

Oh come on, you've had this conversation loads on MN 🤣
You know many MNetters assume you're a man when you use that nick name.
This poster is hardly the first and won't be the last!
Ive had this name for well over 10years and explained multiple times how it came about.
There are other really random names on here that I never assume to be an accurate representation of their real life! Actually maybe i should that, could be fun! 😆

Hmm not quite sure why you’re so interested in someone you don’t know

It could be absolutely anything. Maybe her best mate recently died or her parent's on end of life care or she's being made redundant or she's about to have a scary surgical procedure or a court date for something overwhelming and awful has come up or she's just tired and sad. And maybe she's not in the zone for a meal out but it's her daughter's birthday or it's some anniversary like her sister died three years ago and this is her favourite restaurant so they're duty bound to return but it still makes her sad.

Nobody knows. As you mention in one of your posts that you assumed a MN cheating husband situation, I think maybe you need a MN break?

If she'd seemed anxious or seeking out eye contact then it would have been right to speak to her, but not if shes just sad.
Kindness from strangers can often be the breaking point for someone crying, which is the last thing would she want if shes clearly trying to hold it together.

Equally her being there first could just be that shes fed up with the holiday not going as planned and the others being slow to get organised which would explain her being there before everyone.

The description sounds more like a passive aggressive performative sulker.

It's probably the husband and kids who needs asking if they're alright

How different would your opinion be if it was the man not engaging with his wife and just shrugging at his kids.

She could have just been a massive spoilt bitch, who was sulking because she didn’t want to go to that restaurant to eat.

I think you should be saying poor kids.

Curious as to how a woman asking another woman if she needed help didn't 'seem like help'? Perhaps the woman was simply aware that 1 in 3 women are victims of DV at some point in their lives, and given those odds thought the decent thing was to check. Can't imagine why you'd want to attribute negative motives to a woman doing what could actually be life saving if you were not one of the fortunate ones.
I agree giving a man dirty looks is unhelpful. An abusive man could be angered by that and take it out on his partner for not hiding her bruises/emotions etc. However a discrete offer of help can literally save lives of women and children and we should all be doing it if it's safe.

The thriller-writer John Le Carre said that he got his inspo for one of his characters (Alec Leamas in the Spy Who Came in From the Cold) from a man he once saw in an airport, slightly shabby, wearing a mac, with an air of desperation. So I do think people watch other people and the sense of them in that moment can stay with the watcher.

Curious as to how a woman asking another woman if she needed help didn't 'seem like help'? Perhaps the woman was simply aware that 1 in 3 women are victims of DV at some point in their lives, and given those odds thought the decent thing was to check. Can't imagine why you'd want to attribute negative motives to a woman doing what could actually be life saving if you were not one of the fortunate ones.

Me and dh were happy and laughing, there were no signs of discomfort or a forced show. I was still chuckling at something dh had said when he left to go to the bar.

Also there are absolutely women who do like to insert themselves into other people's drama and want to be a saviour. So.e people like to be nosy.

Maybe she's a Spurs fan, most of them seem fairly miserable these days!

You’ve no idea of our pain!! It’s no wonder we look miserable!

They might not be his children.

We found out just before going on holiday one year that a friend's cancer had turned terminal and they weren't going to make it.

We went on the holiday but I did feel like a zombie at times.

Really ? How sad.

Twenty years ago I remember seeing a man sat on a park bench, suit and tie, his head in his hands. I wanted to ask him if he was ok, but one I was too shy and embarrassed to speak to him, and two- we didn’t speak the same language (I was in a foreign country). I still think about him sometimes randomly and hope he was ok. Surely that’s just human nature.

I very often people watch, I’ve seen many woman/men with this kind of demeanour, I would never approach because i know I wouldn’t want anyone to approach me. I have one of those looking faces so I alsways look miserable but I promise I’m not 🤭

I've been sucked in by this thread. I've been thinking about the woman mentioned in the OP myself and wondering if she is alright. I hope she is. You sound like a nice, caring person OP for thinking about her. 🤗

I bet its a split couple, the kids are not someone's and one is jealous.

Poor family. I bet she’s been like that all week.

Having been on many holidays with my DP and teenage daughters I probably look the same on many evenings! Family holidays can be lonely when the kids are older. If you see her during the day try and get talking to her, I have appreciated holiday friendships so much the last few years

I was thinking this, my mother would sulk in public which is what this sounds like

Also there are absolutely women who do like to insert themselves into other people's drama and want to be a saviour. So.e people like to be nosy.

This is true.

Also, I saw a woman this morning for the first time in about 8 years. We don't speak anymore because she had a very privileged life but would make shit up for sympathy and concern.

She liked to.think people felt sorry for her as she walked by. Perhaps it was her 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have just had a week in a beautiful hotel in the sun, it was paradise but I was so sad as I have just lost my beautiful mum . My poor husband had to deal with me being withdrawn and tearful .