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Original poster

Sad mum in restaurant

143 replies

Conniebygaslight · 05/04/2026 22:07

Currently on holiday and was in a restaurant this evening. There was a family at the next table. The mum arrived before everyone else, then the dad with 2 early teen girls. The mum just looked so sad throughout. Didn’t engage with the dad at all, looked like completely avoiding him and off with her own thoughts almost lost and very small. One of her DD’s said something to her and she just sadly shrugged. I thought that if he left the table I would ask if she was ok but he didn’t. She didn’t look scared at all. I can’t stop thinking about her.
I know it’s none of my business but I really felt for her. Don’t know why I’m posting really, but if by any miracle she sees this, I hope she’s ok.

OP posts:
PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 08/04/2026 08:32

They have possibly all been utter selfish gits and she’s having a mid-holiday moment where she’s told them all she’s sick of it, and you have witnessed the aftermath when she’s still upset with them and they are all tiptoeing about until she stops being cross/disappointed with them. This is total projection of course. It brings to mind a certain family holiday when the one thing I wanted to do was sabotaged by twatty teenaged behaviour and an inconsiderate husband.

No way of knowing, of course.

ShesAPlantPerson · 08/04/2026 08:34

TeenLifeMum · 08/04/2026 08:25

I’d assume she’d just lost her shit at her family who were being selfish arses and was just feeling a bit broken. Doesn’t happen often but occasionally teens and dh treat me like I’m invisible and I disengage a bit until I get an actual apology. Not performative silence but just matching the energy they show me.

My mum used to do that and it was shit. She’d treat me and my sibling the same as my dad, having a go at us all in the same way as a group, when in actual fact, her relationship with my dad and any issues she had with him, were different to any that she could have with us as kids.

TheCurious0range · 08/04/2026 08:34

Maybe she was sad, maybe she was sulking, maybe she wasn't feeling well. You're assuming an awful lot

ShoopShoopBaDoop · 08/04/2026 08:43

You are just witnessing a small snapshot of that woman's life, there could be a myriad of reasons why she looked sad at that particular time.

Several years ago DH and I stayed at a hotel, I ended up having a horrible IBS flare that weekend which really pissed me off. DH didn't want to go to the breakfast lounge on his own and although I felt rough as anything I joined him but tbh I was in such a grump because my stomach had let me down that I must have looked so sad and miserable sitting there with just a glass of water whilst DH tucked into his full English. I remember an older couple looking at me and I heard the woman saying to her husband how grumpy I looked and she wondered what on earth was wrong with me, it made me feel very uncomfortable.

Sparkles1212 · 08/04/2026 08:46

Maybe she's passive aggressive and attention seeking ?

StephensLass1977 · 08/04/2026 08:48

How do you know she wasn't on her period and feeling low/tired? That's how I react when mine comes on as mine are so debilitating.

Why would you need to wait until the husband left until you asked if she was ok? Why the assumption it must be the man at fault?

BridgetRandomfuck · 08/04/2026 08:53

Maybe she was having a sad moment, but sometimes that's fine!

This actually happened to me once, I had gone out to a nightclub with friends who were not being very nice to me, they had ditched me in the club and I was sitting contemplating our friendship and thinking about leaving. A woman came up to me and said 'oh you look really sad, are you ok?', to which I said I was fine, please don't worry. And she wouldn't leave me alone! 'Oh you look so sad, I don't want to leave you, are you sure you're ok', etc etc. It was really annoying, I had to tell her quite firmly to leave me alone, please. It felt very performative, about what a great person she was rather than any concern about me when I'd told her I was ok! (I did leave the club in the end, and also ditched the friends eventually, which was a great improvement to my life!).

Chenecinquantecinq · 08/04/2026 09:05

I swear a high % of people on here need psychiatric analysis.

Idrathertalktomycat · 08/04/2026 09:07

I would have given anything for someone kind like you to be close by when my ex partner was putting me down in public.
He called me the worst names imaginable and told me how stupid I was.
He played to an audience and they watched the show.
I've been free from him for 13 years now, but I still hear his words in my head and still have times when I believe I am as stupid as he said I was.
It's taken years of therapy for me to be able to look in the mirror.

SirChenjins · 08/04/2026 09:11

It's patently obvious - she knew you were watching her, decided you were bored on holiday, and wanted to shake things up a bit and give you something to post about on MN.

BudgieBardot · 08/04/2026 09:12

I thought this was going to be about me. My Mum has recently passed away and I was out for a meal with my family recently. I had a lovely message pop up on my phone and that made me well up. Maybe she was going through some sort of loss herself.

MargaretThursday · 08/04/2026 09:18

Why assume, as you clearly have, that it's the man's fault.
Sounds dar more likely she had bad news or something upset her. If it was the man, then she'd probably have either responded to the daughter or the daughter wouldn't have dared to speak to her.

Going on mn standards, she was probably sulking because she wanted to go for a nice family walk, and they said they didn't want to.

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 08/04/2026 09:28

It’s impossible to know what grief or hurt others are harboring. But if you felt her sadness you were probably right about it.

Our beloved oldest daughter died last October, totally unexpectedly, aged 24. DH and I and our other 2 children could not face Christmas in the UK, so we went to Morocco. One day I persuaded the others to go horse riding and I stayed at the hotel. I sat by the pool with a book and 2 women stopped and asked me if I was ok. My huge sadness was obviously just emanating from me. It was a small comfort to me that people cared.

And after Christmas my other daughter was on her way back to university on the train and the woman opposite her said she had a lovely face (she does) but she looked so sad and was there anything she could do to help. Again it was a comfort to her.

So I’m sure your instincts are right OP. It would be awkward though to ask her in front of her family and would likely embarrass her. If you catch her on her own my inclination would be to offer a reassuring smile and a “you ok?” But I know others would advise against that and it’s so hard to know what any individual person might find helpful.

Herewegoagainandagainandagain · 08/04/2026 09:35

Maybe she had a recent bereavement. Maybe she is just bored with life. Maybe they had a row. Maybe she hated the restaurant but it was someone elses turn to choose and she was sulking. Maybe she'd had the runs for the last two days and had been stuck in a hotel room and still felt drained/unwell.

Could be 100 mundane reasons. She maybe felt watched (by you), or thought you were listening into her conversation.

I rarely notice other customers in restaurants unless they are very loud/shouty and annoy me. Was your own table that boring you were more interested in other people?

Oh...............and if this turns into a thread where you meet her the next day get chatting and ................drama. Then I won't believe a word of it.

BoogieTownTop · 08/04/2026 09:45

MyThreeWords · 08/04/2026 08:16

It is interesting to think how differently the situation might have been viewed if the 'sad person' was the man:

Dad sitting all on his own in the restaurant when mum comes in with the kids - clearly she has been shouldering the burden of entertaining them and he has skived off. He makes no effort to engage with them during the meal, and just shrugs when one of his daughters tries to talk to him. Clearly doesn't think he owes them much attention.

Who knows what the reality of the situation is. Maybe she was sad, and maybe it was her partner's fault. Or maybe she was pissed off with the holiday.

Or perhaps she was just less good that most women at playacting acceptable emotions to make the people around her feel comfortable. In which case, the OP should have shouted "Smile, love! Go on, give us a smile!"

EDIT: Added a missed sentence

Edited

So true!

Honestly OP, don’t be looking at others, enjoy your own food and the company you’ve got.

LovesLabradors · 08/04/2026 09:57

I was on holiday last year, and there was a family by the pool.

Mum was running around after 3 young children, getting them food, water, suncream, hats, into the pool, out of the pool, on her feet the whole time.

Dad was asleep on a sun lounger. She looked really, really pissed off, and frankly, like she could have burst into tears, and I can't blame her. Sometimes holidays aren't really holidays for mums.

In your case though, OP, I would assume some sort of argument or maybe an imminent break up. Happens a lot on holidays - my DH made me go on holiday just after he'd announced he was leaving. I know I could have refused, but I did it for the kids. It was hell on earth, but I'm a good actress, so no one would have known in my case.

noidea69 · 08/04/2026 10:04

The holiday probably hasnt lived up to the image she created in her head of what the holiday would look like (see wanted to walk round a cathedral, kids & husband wanted to stay by pool etc etc.)

Sounds to me like she's sulking.

noidea69 · 08/04/2026 10:07

MyThreeWords · 08/04/2026 08:16

It is interesting to think how differently the situation might have been viewed if the 'sad person' was the man:

Dad sitting all on his own in the restaurant when mum comes in with the kids - clearly she has been shouldering the burden of entertaining them and he has skived off. He makes no effort to engage with them during the meal, and just shrugs when one of his daughters tries to talk to him. Clearly doesn't think he owes them much attention.

Who knows what the reality of the situation is. Maybe she was sad, and maybe it was her partner's fault. Or maybe she was pissed off with the holiday.

Or perhaps she was just less good that most women at playacting acceptable emotions to make the people around her feel comfortable. In which case, the OP should have shouted "Smile, love! Go on, give us a smile!"

EDIT: Added a missed sentence

Edited

"You'd be prettier if you smiled more".

ThatBlackCat · 08/04/2026 10:09

notacooldad · 08/04/2026 07:51

Youve no need to know tbh.
If I saw them I'd assume they've had a row but not give it another thought as long as she didn't look like she was in danger or he was being g aggressive.
It's horrible having people intrude or making assumptions about you.
About 18 months ago I got a black eye and some face cuts from a bad fall. Dh was no where near me but when he got to me he calmed me down and looked after me.
The looks dh of disgust dh for days after was awful. Dirty looks dont help anyone.
I was sat alone in a beer garden and dh gone to get a round of drinks in and a woman watched him go inside and came over offering help. To be honest it didn't seem like help, more thst dge wanted to be part of the ( non existent) drama.
Not everything is 'poor woman'

But this doesn't make sense though. You're a man, no woman is going to approach a man who looks like he'd been in a pub brawl. She'd only approach you if you were a woman. Men with black eyes, busted lips, scratches etc are common place. Women not so much.

notacooldad · 08/04/2026 10:11

But this doesn't make sense though. You're a man,
Eh? News to me

PullyDog · 08/04/2026 10:12

She arrived early without her family
Shrugged and didn't bother to communicate with her daughter
Didn't look scared

Why we feeling sorry for her and not the family?

Sounds like she was in a mood or sulking. Really a complete non thing, we can all assume and guess but really it's none of our business, is it?

ThatBlackCat · 08/04/2026 10:13

notacooldad · 08/04/2026 10:11

But this doesn't make sense though. You're a man,
Eh? News to me

Apologies if I got it wrong, but I'm sure you said before you're a man. Plus your name....

notacooldad · 08/04/2026 10:16

Apologies if I got it wrong, but I'm sure you said before you're a man. Plus your name....
I have never eversaid i am a man.
And my name.....do you always take everything so literal?

BillieWiper · 08/04/2026 10:16

OhNoDont · 08/04/2026 07:57

Many women with facial injuries they are going to be the result of partner violence, it’s not a bad thing that people offered you help you didn’t need. I’ve had similar and it was embarrassing but I thought it was a good thing that some people do check.

Show quote history

I had a massive black eye and the looks of disgust and horror I got from strangers was intense. Nobody ever asked me if I was ok or anything. Luckily it wasn't through DV. And didn't really hurt. So I just wore massive sunglasses!

Thanksabunch10 · 08/04/2026 10:17

I wouldn’t be surprised by this. We go away quite a lot and I look around at people, particularly in bigger family resorts, and at least one of the parents always looks miserable!! It also surprises me how little some families talk at dinner. However she could also have had an argument with her husband/DD or she could be depressed? You never know, I don’t think I would have said anything.