DH angry with me following work trip

[FlamingoFloss]

Been with my husband 19 years. We ‘were’ in a good place. He’s been away working this week. He got home this evening and I was round my neighbours (who he gets on with and we have a great community). I came out as soon as I saw him pulling up with our friend and came in to be with him. Chatted to our friend and offered him dinner which he declined as he said he needed to go. I said to my DH I’ve left my phone at neighbours so I’ll go grab it. No problem. Neighbour reminds me that I’m asking DH to go and see the band we saw last Saturday tonight (we all went and had a fab night) so call DH and ask him. He says he doesn’t want to go so I say fair enough, can you drop us around the corner as I’d quite like to go. We have tomorrow together (he’s working tomorrow evening) and we have Sunday and next week together. The connection drops so I try to call him back. He doesn’t answer. I’ve come home and he’s laid into me that he just wants to spend the time with me but I’d rather eff off with my neighbour (joint friend), threw his glass so it smashed in the kitchen, shouted at me some more that he’s been away working all week and I should just want to be with him and stormed upstairs telling me to eff off out.

not really.
it’s a marker for abuse, more likely. As in - shows he has control issues, anger issues, and that he might hurt you. But I wouldn’t call breaking a glass or two abuse in itself. More
MASSIVE RED FLAG behaviour

Yes. You don't have to keep putting up with it.

I don’t want to neither should I have to. This is not the first time but I feel like its the last time

Wtf is wrong with people on this thread? No excuse for smashing glasses or similar multiple times really is there?
Have they all been on the sherry? I don’t get it.

I don’t get it either. I would never behave in the same way

Yep: "You should want to be alone with me this evening!"

Sure, honey. You make it so appealing.

OP wasn’t talking about the neighbour, she was referring to the friend her DH came home with.

Do you have separate bedrooms? You don’t have to sleep with him tonight do you?

Smashing things in your vicinity is assault and you can report him to police. It's domestic abuse yes. You can contact womens aid for support.

Yes. It’s domestic abuse. Are you in the UK? Do you have family? Can your neighbour help?

I thinks it’s quite likely he has someone else.

He really doesn’t - of that I am certain

My marriage is over

Given how he treats you I’m glad for your safety and overall wellbeing. Have you got someone to be with? It’s going to get worse. Prepare yourself. When you leave you become most at risk. Surround yourself with supportive people.

Edited sorry wrong thread

Why are you so certain? My ex would literally start fights so he could storm off for a few days. Either way, he’s a terrible person and you need to get out of your marriage.

He throws glasses about and it's not the first time it's happened?
That's not normal 😓
You've every right to want to go out, and you did ask him if he wanted to come too as you presumably wanted to see him too at the same time.
You're not joined at the hip.
You could have gone out and then seen him the next day. He could have come out with you if he'd wanted to see you before then.
Or waited until the next day when you could spend one on one time with each other.

What the fuck

I think - as others have said - I could understand him feeling a bit put out. He’s working tomorrow night and has been away all week and you’d rather go out with a neighbour than spend tonight with him. To add insult to injury, you then asked him for a lift when he’s been working overseas and just got back home.

I know you invited him, but that rather misses the point.

But - and it is a huge but! - nothing excuses his behaviour. Smashing a glass and telling you not to come home is a wild overreaction. It’s terrifying actually.

I saw that you’re at home so I hope you’re safe and have real life support. Regardless of anything else, this marriage isn’t one that sounds safe. Will you manage financially if you split? Please don’t hesitate to call the police if he starts smashing things again - that really, really isn’t ok.

Why do you think people need special treatment because they've been working away?
She's going out for one evening. Should she put her social life on hold because of her husband's work patterns? He's worked away for the last three work weeks are you suggesting that she shouldn't do anything by herself or with her friends during those weekends?
As for him giving her a lift, what has working overseas got to do with that?

As I said earlier, we don't need to treat people working overseas as returning war heroes.

Nothing justifies his behaviour. He should have calmly explained to you that he’d like one on one time with you (like a mature adult would explain). The smashing the glass, the texts to you and your neighbour are scary and deeply inappropriate.

Is there drink involved here ? I am not judging or making excuses, just seeking more info for the board really.

DH gets a lift from the station. Possibly been drinking. Couple of cans ?

But it's the "his glass" reference in the OP that makes me think he had came in and poured a stiff one. Then when OP asked if DH could drop her and friend (female) at band, presumably by driving, he lost it because he had just started to drink ( or carry on), so he threw "his glass" with drink in it, Anger because he has to drive later? So threw his drink away ?

"his glass" as opposed to "a glass" makes me wonder this.

As I said, I am not making excuses for anyone.

Thank goodness you see this!

Thankyou for replying. Really hope you are safe. Don't let that twat tell you that you can't come back to your own home!

It was a pint glass filed with squash