Would you date a bisexual man?

[Seymorbutts]

Just that really. A man who you believed to be genuinely bisexual, not a gay man on his way out of the closet. Someone who’d had long-term relationships with both men and women and who you’ve never known to sleep around with either men or women. If not, why would it bother you?

finding out a man I am dating is bisexual woudl be a turn off for me

some other turn offs

paid for sex
dated much younger women
finding out they like to wear women’s clothes
finding out the are into bdsm/role play

these are perfectly legal sexual preferences that some people have that for me is a turn off and that is absolutely my choice. The same if a guy I was dating realised I was not into bdsm/kinky sex and wanted to be with someone more experimental that would absolutely be his choice

I would definitely not date a bisexual man if I was single. I only like men. I like men who only like women. Is that seriously controversial? Heterosexual people wanting to date other heterosexual people. It’s literally the vast majority of people I’ve ever known. Who knew this was considered phobic? Thats hilarious. I do have a lesbian friend and she will only date other lesbians. I’m going to talk to her about this and see if she has been pressured into dating women who are bisexual and if she has been called phobic if she has refused. How awful that people are questioned in a negative way about this.

List of men I would never have dated when single

Bisexual men
Religious men
Men with tattoos
Men with piercings
Men who believe in gender ideology
Men with certain sexual interests
Korean men
Chinese men
Australian men
German men
Japanese men
Men who eat meat
Men obsessed with the gym
Men taller than 5’10”
Men who are much older or younger than me
Men who have paid for sex
Disabled men
Men who have children
Men who earn a low wage
Men who don’t like dogs
Emotionally unavailable men
Men with a mumsnet account

There will be plenty more I’m sure.

Honestly, the amount of coercion on this thread is incredible. I’m not attracted to black men, Muslim men, men with criminal records etc etc It is simply a personal preference. I wish them well but I don’t want to sleep with them. Ditto for men who sleep with men. Why is that so difficult to understand?

So are you saying that it's wrong to stop seeing someone because of something in their past? That doesn't make a lot of sense.

Before I met my DH I casually dated a bisexual guy who was lovely and led to some memorable adventures (iykwim), and briefly a bisexual guy who seemed lovely but was cheating (I was the other woman without realising). So I don't think bisexual guys are awful. I would just prefer at this point in my life, were I single, that my long-term partner only be attracted to women (who look like me) for a whole variety of reasons.

I do think that saying 'ewww!' is a bit over the top, but I suppose people are just being flippantly honest, and for some a man engaging in gay sex is a big turn-off.

Personally I'm not 'ew', more just: 'I wouldn't want to date a bisexual man because I don't like that I can't provide him with everything he might want' - or even, 'I'm simply not attracted to a South Asian phenotype'.

I still haven't been told why it's apparently always prejudiced not to want to date a bisexual man, though.

Right so by that logic we should all date bisexual men because all straight men are dicks?

I've also never been wronged by a bisexual man, doesn't mean I'll date one. I date men based on my personal preferences. I wouldn't go against any of those preferences because I get to choose who I get into relationships with and neither you, nor anybody else will change that.

Absolutely!

Re your final paragraph, you're never going to be given an actual reason, because of course there isn't one. Those posters will just keep going on that you "just are" prejudiced.

They have forgotten all about consent and clearly think it's irrelevant. What's even more shocking is that they appear to be women.

@ExOptimisthow have I questioned consent?!

I'd love an answer to my question.

Sigh. I fear @ExOptimist is right, and I'll never get one

Calling someone’s boundary ‘stupid’ is questioning consent.

Because consent given freely also means that there are no reprisals whatsoever of any type including emotional, if the consent is withdrawn.

You have repeatedly stated that your belief is that if a woman does not want to have sex with a bisexual man she is innately prejudiced and bigoted.

It therefore follows that you would be criticising( by saying she was a bigot and biphobe) any woman for refusing to have sex with a bisexual man ie if she refused to give consent.

You can't go round saying that women who don't want to have sex with bisexual men are prejudiced and at the same time say that women are free to give consent or not, it simply isn't logical on your part because the two stances are opposed to each other.

Maybe the trouble is that those who have no problem with having sex with a bi man simply can't image a visceral reaction to the idea. It's not a chosen response that reflects any ideology, or any judgement of what bi men are/do. It's just how we feel. Being told that we should reconsider is just a way of telling us to rewire our feelings. Why should anyone do that? You wouldn't tell a gay man that if he can't stomach the idea of sex with women, he is prejudiced against them.

If all other boxes were ticked, yes. I can't see a bisexual man as being more likely to be unfaithful than a straight man. If you've got commitment in a relationship, you have commitment and that shouldn't matter whether you are straight, gay or bi.

I think this is key. People who are saying not wanting to date bisexual men is prejudiced and bigoted are unable to understand that not fancying bisexual men is a sexual desire issue. It is about someone’s iinnate sexuality, what/who they find desirable, how they see themselves and themselves with a partner sexually.

I’m taking generous a interpretation here. The other alternative is that they do understand this but are pretending not to.

Either way, it’s ironic that a failure to grasp that other people have different sexualities and sexual identities to them and that this is okay is at the core of this issue.

Refusing to date men with kids while openly admitting she has kids herself, which is a textbook asymmetrical standard – what she has is acceptable, what a man has is “baggage.” You realize the most dangerous man in a child’s life is almost always the man living under the same roof where another man’s kid already lives, don’t you? Wave that double standard red flag loud and proud! 🚩🚩

So not only do you want to shame women for breaking up with a man, but you're saying that refusing to let a man put his penis in your vagina is just like being a Nazi?

Good god.

And I still haven't been told why it's apparently always prejudiced to not want to date a bisexual man.

@OtterlyAstoundingbecause there’s no evidence base for your statement.
Writing people off for their previous sexual behaviour with no evidence that it will impact any future relationship you may have with them is prejudice.
This is not like the trans debate.
I’m saying where is the evidence for your argument.

I would not want anal sex either, so anyone wanting that would be out the door too. If he told me he'd previously had anal sex and enjoyed it I wouldn't want to be badgered constantly for that.

What statement?

But so, if we're talking about previous sexual behaviour...if I decide I don't want to date a man who used to be into roleplay, but according to him, isn't anymore, you think that's prejudiced of me? Or someone who used to frequent strip clubs? That's prejudiced?

And I've already given my argument, which doesn't require evidence as it's about how I feel. I have several reasons, but the main reason that I currently wouldn't want to date a bisexual man, is because I don't want to be with a man who enjoys sexual activities that I cannot provide him with.

So I was asking you to explain why that's prejudiced, in your opinion.

The problem with people like you throwing the phobic word around is that because YOU think and feel a certain way, which is clearly very accepting, you assume that anybody who isn't (for ANY reason) like you must automatically be the opposite of accepting ie intolerant based on prejudice. It's actually incredibly self absorbed,l and arrogant.

I will never EVER knowingly date a bisexual man. Not ever. That doesn't mean I'm interested in, would support or start a campaign to exterminate a whole class of men. I have no issue with them whatsoever, I hope they're all very happy in their lives and am pleased that they have the same rights as I do.

So please, for the love of God answer the previous poster who has asked you three times why you consider it a matter of prejudice for not wanting to date one.
Is their any reason in your mind that a woman would refuse a bisexual man that is not based on prejudice.

I also assume, you're up for dating literally any man on the planet? There's not a single man you'd say no to? Any man, whatever the race, sexuality, size, hair colour, criminal background? You're really not that fussed no?

The problem with people like you throwing the phobic word around is that because YOU think and feel a certain way, which is clearly very accepting, you assume that anybody who isn't (for ANY reason) like you must automatically be the opposite of accepting ie intolerant based on prejudice. It's actually incredibly self absorbed,l and arrogant.

I will never EVER knowingly date a bisexual man. Not ever. That doesn't mean I'm interested in, would support or start a campaign to exterminate a whole class of men. I have no issue with them whatsoever, I hope they're all very happy in their lives and am pleased that they have the same rights as I do.

So please, for the love of God answer the previous poster who has asked you three times why you consider it a matter of prejudice for not wanting to date one.
Is their any reason in your mind that a woman would refuse a bisexual man that is not based on prejudice.

I also assume, you're up for dating literally any man on the planet? There's not a single man you'd say no to? Any man, whatever the race, sexuality, size, hair colour, criminal background? You're really not that fussed no?