Can’t stop thinking about pics partner sent to “ex”

[CherryGirlAimz]

My fiancé and I are very happy together, engaged last year, live together, been on plenty of holidays together, and I help look after his daughter on weekends he has her.

however, about a year and a half ago, the mother of his child (not exactly an ex as he said she was just a sex thing to him and she developed feelings for him but he never wanted to be with her) messaged me and sent me screen shots of what’s app sexual messages and images (penis pics) my partner sent to her. It broke me at the time but partner swiftly apologised and said it was a one off moment of madness when he was working away. We had a long walk on the beach and he swore he would never do it again. I know for sure he hasn’t as after this moment he stopped communicating directly with mother of his child, she has mental health issues as it is and even tried to commit suicide after he refused to communicate with her again.

fast forward to now and we are happy and engaged, our relationship looks perfect from the outset, however I cannot get this incident from my head - I still feel insecure and jealous that he did that, and it plagues my mind often. She is very attractive and intelligent and I can’t stop feeling I’m inferior to her. He says the mother of his child is a drama queen and just wants to cause him and us misery hence why he never speaks to her anymore. I’m glad he doesn’t as I’d be worried of a repeat if she messaged him again.

my question is - when will this one incident stop plaguing my mind in my otherwise very happy relationship? I’ve not told any friends or family about it, his family don’t know of it either, I’d be too scared to disclose it to anyone I know really in case they judge partner badly for it.

when will you "forget" most likely never.
any radio or news story about sexual images will remind you of his dick pic.
any movie that mentions "crazy ex" or one where the woman is merely a friends with benefits who gets pregnant will remind you.
as the child grows up her looks might remind you more of her mother.
some things hurt less with time but honestly unlikely you will forget it.

"when it happened he said......."
BUT he did send her dick pics and more in the first place..........

Absolutely this! 👆🏻

Oh dear! you can't see it yet. Of course he didn't want you to be friends, he wanted to send dic pics to her. You are STILL blaming the wrong person.

Your partner was angry at her lol she actually did nothing wrong at all only the scumbag your with did wrong and if you think she is the only one and there's only 1 incident think again. You actually got engaged to someone you need a head wobble that acts like this

It sounds to me like the mother of his child is doing a great job raising his child. It seems she doesn’t want any contact with him and that is supported by the fact that everything to do with the child is organised through the grandma.

You say his ex is intelligent etc. It probably took her a while to realise that your bf was a POS and she wants him totally out of her life. Sounds to me as if she is trying to warn you what he’s really like.

His family are telling you negative things about her. She may not trust them with the child for whatever reason and they are probably repeating things he’s told them about her, which may not be true or may have been twisted to make her look bad.

I think your bf is weak, devious, manipulative and selfish. Take off the rose-coloured spectacles and get out of there while you still can.

Dick pics, indeed! How utterly gross. For me that would have been it! Why are you believing his lies? You allowing this to slide has given him Carte Blanche to do it again. He sounds absolutely horrendous. Just RUN!

One-off moment of madness? Yeah right. Sorry but he thinks you’re a fool who’ll buy any old bs. He has a low opinion of women generally by the sounds of it. Don’t marry him. You can do so much better if you wake up.

I don't get it
He sent those pics while he was with you?
And then you're talking about how much she made his life miserable?
How?
By not sleeping with him?
She's literally such a good woman and am shocked you can't see it.
She clearly could've had him back if she let him, he clearly wanted her and his little family.
You're 'family' is probably only in tact because she refused him.
Don't look down upon her
That's her little girl and the most important person in this adult bizaare trio.
Don't make your issues, her issues.
Work on your own self esteem rather than calling her jealous, jealous of what exactly, a lying cheat?
Like she literally showed you what a pos he is and you're talking about how amazing he is, what a changed man he is,
You don't sound like you have kids yet, why not run for the hills rather than getting further into this mess?

This.
Word for word.
I don't suppose he kept any evidence of his "crazy ex" begging him to leave you for her?
Thought not.
Get rid.

This, with bells on.

Definitely jumped the shark there.

I am sure all the single Mum's are appreciative of your pity 🙄

From experience, end it the first time this happens. It will happen again and you will be in even deeper. I’m sorry.

Calling the mother of his child (or any woman for that matter) a “sex thing” should tell you everything you need to know about him. Fuck that 🚩🚩🚩

You’re quite clearly not ready to face reality and if one thing is for certain it’s that it’s all
going to blow up in your face eventually.
if you wish to bury your head in the sand in the meantime:

Start saving. Best case scenario you won’t need it and you can invest into pensom
etc. but What you’d pay for rent, put aside for your emergency fund as you’re going to need a deposit and rent at some point. Protect yourself.

DO NOT GET PREGNANT with this man.
Use contraception religiously. You’ve seen how he treats women he chose to have a
child with, one of the biggest decisions in life.

I fear you’ll be back here in a year knocked up, career ruined and finding out he’s sending pictures of his genitals to some other mug.

My god - you really have no ability to see clearly here do you:

• After he got caught sending dic pics to her "he was very angry at her and upset for me". The appropriate response was to be remorseful to you for the betrayal and remorseful to her for leading her on/sending her inappropriate pictures.
• You suggested you have a friendly relationship with the mother of his child - and he told you not to - its blindingly obvious this is because he had an inappropriate relationship with her / was cheating on you and he didn't want to find out
• The only communication you've had from her has been pleasant to you but warning you that your partner might not be a good guy - but you think that "she" is the crazy and spiteful one not your partner

Who made him what? Take a photograph of his penis and send it to her? Along with explicit messages? She made him do that? Jesus wept!

You are being used and manipulated OP.

He has free nanny
You have no financial security
He is lying to you and you are not in love with who he really is

You sound young, get out now.

Thing is op you’ll let this go and marry him and years down the line when he rips your life apart by leaving you for an ow or repeatedly cheats on you you’ll look back at this moment and wish you’d left him.

You should unblock his ex and actually speak to her

maybe go meet her and get her side of the story

some men are very good at bullshitting and making it seem they are something they are not

So if I have this correct…she was desperate to break you guys up so he sends her pictures of his dick? How does that make sense? And you love him and believe him? Would you consider that she was warning you of the sort of man he is? I’m wondering when he refers to her as a sex thing and calls her a drama queen, how does that sit with you? You refer to her as intelligent. Is there a chance he’s manipulating the situation and twisting the facts here. And are you choosing to believe him when deep down you have doubts?

op you can’t make a bad situation good by burying your head in the sand. It sounds like you don’t fully trust him, but trust your gut, it’s telling you what you need to know.

@CherryGirlAimz

Can you please answer 2 of the questions PP have asked?

What age are you?

How is this women in any way responsible for your boyfriend sending her pics of his penis?

Also, so he did this 2.5 years into you both being together?

OP, the best way to undistort your thinking is to look at the facts.

Distortion: ex is possessive
Fact: your boyfriend has his daughter every other weekend.

Distortion: ex bears some responsibility for your boyfriend (of 2 5 years at that point?!) sending her a pic of his penis

Fact: people are solely responsible for their own actions, no gun was held to his head.

Distortion: ex is a horrible, seductive slag etc.
Fact: she has treated you with nothing but respect, whilst your boyfriends has been horrible about ex, and if anyone making inappropriate sexual advances, it is in fact your boyfriend.
I wonder what would have happened if ex didn't let you know about the pics? I suspect further boundaries would have been crossed. Ex put a stop to yoir boyfriends advances, not your boyfriend.

Your mind wont let it go because part of you recognises you're telling yourself things that don't make sense and trying to make yourself believe lies.

I would get therapy for your low self esteem. 💐

The ex didn’t force him to send her dick pics did she? That was his choice.

He was doing it & talking to her inappropriately to keep his opinions open re a possible sexual hook up with her in future.

Would you be sending photos of your sexual parts to ex boyfriends to enjoy their response or are you committed to your current relationship?

I would see it as a form of cheating personally, and I’m not surprised you are finding it hard to sweep it under the carpet emotionally.

Oh - and to be clear when the three of you "spend all your weekends together as a family" what is actually happening is your fiance is opting out of using the time to build a genuine relationship one on one so he doesn't have to manage one child himself (I bet he doesn't have them 50/50 - what are the contact arrangements???). Most actual families will actively make time for a parent to spend one on one time with a kid because its fantastic for building closer connection so him avoiding that is a strong signal. If you are thinking about children you should assume he isn't going to want to spend any more hours of the week looking after your joint child/children by himself than he does with his current child (probably less). Try and work out if you are willing to be doing all the work the mother and you jointly do right now for any future children.

Huge Pick Me Girl energy from OP.

Other women are not the enemy OP. Lying, cheating, red flag men are.

id be arranging a call with this ex to see what else has happened. She sounds nice, and I can imagine he has strung you both along! I’d be very surprised if this was an isolated incident

If you accessed his phone and had a look through it I would put money on you finding that he’s sending unsolicited dick pics to other women. He will just be very careful to make
sure it’s women you'll never cross paths with.

OP, my ex was wonderful, he was loving and attentive and I had absolutely no reason not to trust him. Until one day I saw a message from an unfamiliar name on his phone, checked it when he was asleep and found he’d been messaging 2 other women. I would never, in a 100 years have suspected a thing until I saw that. I contacted the and explained that he wasn’t a single man like he’d told them. He told them I was his crazy ex, one believed him and saw it as her opportunity to “get him”
Good luck to her as he will do the same again and again.