When I see/speak to/think about my mum I feel.....

[MagdalenaArches]

Fill in the blank with whatever comes to mind.

In my case, fear and dread.

Thank you. I've tried to do better for my two but I've made some bad mistakes. I wish I could turn the clock back. I have apologised and will do what I can to make amends, although it has to be acknowledged the older child is not an easy person.

It's so easy to blame one's parents and sometimes blame is very well deserved. But honestly, sometimes no matter how very, very hard one tries, your own experiences and limitations mean you can't do well enough.

Mostly it's sad that even with the best will in the world, and a great deal of determination, sometimes people fall short. Parenting (my parents, and my own parenting) just has sadly not been good enough.

Sometimes not everything comes out alright.

So, so sad that I can’t see her, smell her, hug her, tell her how much I love her and how appreciative I am of her. Tell her I know about her first son and how lovely he is.
She died 13 years ago and I think about her every day.

Grateful. She was genuinely a nightmare mother, emotionally abusive, manipulative, never felt truly safe or loved, robbed me of so much confidence, family members and happiness but I've somehow built a life I love, I'm not super successful or anything and have issues stemming from my upbringing but when I became old enough to make my own choices I made good ones and weirdly there is something about how she treated me and who she was that's part of me and how I love my own children so deeply and have lovely close relationships with many people including my husband, in laws dad etc. She drove me to breakdown twice, once by pretending for over a year that she had terminal cancer. She's a very damaged person and I see it now and stay away , I wish I could go back and tell younger me to believe that instead of absorbing it all. I would still love to have a Mum, I'm desperately sad over it when I hear other people talking about their mothers, but I realise I was longing for that even when she was in my life

I’m nc and after lots of therapy, I feel at peace that we didn’t manage to be a Mother/daughter team. I don’t feel anger or bitterness anymore.

Angry, frightened, and a little relieved (She died)

Detached and abandoned. Felt free when she died.