When I see/speak to/think about my mum I feel.....

[MagdalenaArches]

Fill in the blank with whatever comes to mind.

In my case, fear and dread.

Sad, I miss her so much and I wish she could have met DD, she’d have adored her.

But also enough time has passed that I do also smile and laugh remembering her too. I talk to her sometimes and still feel connected. Also recognise her faults and the many things I will aim to do differently as a mum myself, but can’t hold them against her really - she did not have it easy, she did her best and she loved me so much and that really was enough.

That’s the mum who brought me up. My real/ birth mum died when I was born, I don’t feel the same kind of sadness when I think of her because I didn’t know/ have her to miss. But I recognise the tragedy of what happened, what she went through and how bloody unfair it all is and since having my own daughter I feel that more. I couldn’t ever wish it different because the mum I had, siblings I have now, I wouldn’t have had that and I can’t imagine or wish for that.

Disgust

You took the words out of my mouth. I would add that in the three years since she died, I miss her more than I can ever say.

Annoyed that she has exceeded the average life expectancy of a woman by 10 years so far and seems to be heading for a card from the king. I thought I'd be free of her toxicity by now and I feel sorry for others who lost Mums who loved them too early while I get to keep mine.

A visceral antipathy.

Loved and blessed. Miss her very much.

Repulsed.

Anxiety and dread
and guilt that I feel anxiety and dread

but also hopeful that in the future my dd would be able to answer like some of the pp here

Worried.She's had heart problems and has just been diagnosed with silent strokes which herald the development of vascular dementia. The diagnosis was incidental to investigations for Parkinsons (results pending) which also identified a suspicious lesion in her ear for which she's on two week pathway - biopsy imminent.

We have never had the best relationship and I've always said my epitaph will read "she tried to please her mother". Perhaps I will in the time she has left. She's 89.

Dread, hopelessness and exhaustion.

Sadness.

Sad that she had a miserable childhood.
Sad that her first marriage was abusive.
Sad that she probably had undiagnosed PND after my siblings were born, maybe after me too.
Sad that she’s too frail now to do the things she enjoyed when she was younger.
Sad that dementia is taking her away from us.
Sad that I’m a mystery to her. I’m sure she loves me but it’s pretty clear she doesn’t understand me.

Sad because I miss her (died 9 years ago and didn't meet my husband or children), but so glad I had a wonderful, loving mother, and so grateful she's now home with the Lord, all suffering over.

Frustrated, sad, rejected, anger, guilt

Annoyance, pity and frustration.

These are so moving 💔

Excited , thankful, sometimes she’s annoying
but grateful I have it

Mixed! In many ways she was very good, but could be extremely difficult. Plus, especially since she died, I’ve been increasingly aware of how she favoured the one son out of four of us. I’m a bit nonplussed about how much of it didn’t strike me at the time - I suppose it just seemed normal then. E.g. enough money for him to attend an expensive school, but not enough for the riding lessons I so badly wanted.

Relieved she passed a few years ago so I don't have to put up with her any more and sad that I didn't get to have a loving and caring Mother instead of a selfish, self-centered person who always had to be the centre of attention in every circumstance.

Irritated, frustrated but most of all sad. She hasn't had an easy life and unfortunately that has impacted me as well.

Love. She died nearly 20 years ago.

Ughh/meh. It is what it is.

I try not to think of her tbh.

When she died in one sense I felt a great relief but her death brought to the surface all the hurtful memories.

I still feel real sadness and loneliness when I see mothers and daughters with a close loving relationship. I don't feel jealous - i'm happy for them - but I feel such a longing for something I never had.

See as in see in the street I get a huge adrenaline whoosh and not in a good way!

think about, well try not to but can be a range, from irritated to angry to sodding furious and also sorry for her but I try not to let the last one take hold as that’s how she’s got away with stuff. Actually just typing this I’ve a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach

Sad, guilty, angry, bewildered

Sad she is gone, that she never met her grandchildre, that they grew up without a loving indulgent gran. Guilty because I should have done better and maybe she didn't know how loved she was, angry because she died just when I really needed her for the first time in a decade, angry I didn't get to have a real adult relationship with her, bewildered at some of her values that make no sense to me, why she insisted on things that caused conflict when we could have gotten on so much better if she just let things go, why was she so narrow minded about some things, why did she let her family bully her, why did she make the choices she did.

We had a complex relationship, like many mothers and daughters. But she died 20 years ago and I miss her. I'd love to have the simple luxury of phoning her. I'd like to ask her so many questions about our family, about her life. Why didn't I ask when she was alive? I'd like to share so many memories with her, moments that only she would know and now I'm the only one that remembers them.