Am I an alcoholic?

[fartasapissed2]

Bravely posting in the Chat function! Starting to worry about my alcohol consumption I’m 24 with one year old, over the past month and a half I’ve been drinking very regularly.

I’ve drunk more in the last month than I have in the last year. Over the last 2 months I’ve averaged a bottle of wine, and the rest , probably 3-4 times a week. It’s come to a head with DP because I’d like to go to AA or NA, he isn’t in agreement that I have a problem.

I enjoy getting home and opening a bottle of wine, DP can work 20 hour shifts so I’m home alone a lot. I’d probably average on my drinking nights, 1 bottle of red and 50cl of spirits. Is this a problem? I’m never hungover and my
child is the deil incarnate.

thanks

I don’t know if your an alcoholic as that requires addiction, and difficulty stopping. But you absolutely are drinking far far too much and if you continue you will develop alcohol related health problems. It sounds like this hasn’t been going on too long and it’s good that you have recognised that it may be a problem, so you’re hopefully in a Good position to nip this habit in the bud before it becomes a real problem. You’ve stated that your home alone a lot and have a one year old, you can not safely care for your child having consumed this amount of alcohol. If I’m home alone with my children I always follow the rule “if I’m too drunk to drive I’m too drunk to be in sole charge of my children”.

I mean the issue is whether you can stop at moderate drinking when you do drink which it sounds like you can't. There is a very good program free online called Smart Recovery, I used to work with substance users and I recommend this. For reference, I would drink probably 1/2 - 1 bottle a week only on Thurs Fri Sat nights and I would be completely smashed by the amount you are drinking. The starting point is probably your GP and talk to them about Smart Recovery.

Its not about how much you drink its about how you feel when you don't

Sorry but no. A bottle of wine (12%) is 9 units. A bottle of wine would have to be 18.5% abv to have 14 units! Half a bottle of gin is 14 units. Not 20 units.

Theres an awful lot of wild numbers being thrown about on this thread!!

Same as above if I was above the drink drive limit I wouldn’t want to be alone in charge of my children. What if child became ill and needed the hospital. I think you would be judged by hospital staff for the drinking. You know you have a problem. Your dp sounds like he is in denial. You have moved away from your support network which is hard, plus your dp is not around. You need to consider how your life could be, do you want to work? Currently it sounds lonely? You could try online counselling when dc is asleep? I would be tempted to go back to work in your situation for adult interaction.

Can I ask, is your mum an alcoholic? This is concerning because alcoholism does run in families. I’ve seen it with my dad’s family, and although it made me very cautious and careful with alcohol, it can so easily (and often does) go the other way.

Your partner’s lack of concern is also really worrying and is a red flag for me. You don’t need his permission or approval to speak to someone about this. If you feel that you have a problem or you’re simply not comfortable with your relationship with alcohol, that’s enough.

You need to tell him firmly that you’ll be going to AA (if that’s what you want) and he can either support you or keep his mouth shut. If he’s not supportive, I’d be questioning the relationship.

You are still young, but even so you’ll be doing a lot of damage to your body with that amount of alcohol on a regular basis. If I drank the amount that you do, I’d honestly be severely hungover for about a week.

Here are the books I mentioned earlier:

https://amzn.eu/d/01R5gALE
https://amzn.eu/d/04J09zwk

Being an alcoholic has absolute 0 to do with the amount you drink or the frequency with which you drink it. I think you already know you drink far too much. generally people with an alcohol problem don’t post on public forums asking others if they think they have an alcohol problem.

AA saved my life and the only thing I can say about alcoholism It is progressive. It never gets better, It will only ever get worse so get yourself to an AA meeting, surround yourself with like-minded people, find a sponsor, work the steps and you will be fine. Anyone who tells you you don’t have a problem is either in denial themselves or does not have your best interest at heart.

@fartasapissed2 it's great that you've identified that you need support to stop drinking alcohol but I feel you need to get to the crux of why. From the background you've given here it seems that you feel stuck in your life and have found yourself with no autonomy at all to live your life how you want it and with no vision of the future. I would hazard a guess that this is why you drink your feelings. You have become stuck in a bad relationship with someone who doesn't recognise you as an individual and is uncaring about your potential. The fact that you are powerless in your relationship and don't know how to free yourself and live how you envisioned is messing with your head.

Definitely get online help, etc to tackle your drinking but also seriously consider whether you want to marry this man ( prenup and wanting you at home all the time is not going to be good for your MH)

Once you tackle the alcohol intake the problems that you are alluding to will still be there but hopefully you will be clearer in your mind and hopefully able to think about what you actually want in your life.

Great that you posted here but now it's time to get some help. You sound like a clever and interesting person and have great self awareness at such a young age. I believe that you've found yourself stuck in a relationship that's just not working and feel trapped but don't know how to get out so numb yourself with alcohol.

Don't waste your young life, you have so much potential.

If you have that much to drink the your child is in danger.

He has you under such tight control you have no friends or relations who will look after the baby and can't pay a babysitter?

I think you have more issues than just the alcohol but yes you have a serious problem with your alcohol consumption.

I would worry in your shoes that you will need to get a child to A&E one day when you are take up on a bottle of wine and half a bottle of gin. I think Social Sevicrs might take quite an interest in that, especially if a child has injuries.

OP yes you are drinking way too much.

There are a lot of crazy numbers being thrown around without much of a factual basis.

Average bottle of wine = about 9 units
Half bottle of gin = 14 units

So 23 units (thereabouts) x 3 or 4 nights a week = 69-92 units a week. You could go in the middle and say on average this is roughly 80 units per week.

A woman’s maximum allowance is 14 units.

You can see this is not good.

I would speak to your GP.

It’s good you are able to go some days without alcohol. I’m not downplaying your problem, just pointing out you have something to build on.

Having some AF days is good, but alcoholics aren’t always daily drinkers. (For reference, I don’t think the label “alcoholic” is terribly helpful. Perhaps this is why your DH rejects your wish to attend AA as silly/unnecessary - because you don’t fit the profile of “alcoholic” in his eyes. It’s actually a subjective term which means different things to different people. Maybe better to just say “I have a big problem with alcohol and it is beyond my control”).

I’m not going to berate you because that isn’t helpful. You already know if there was a problem with your DC or SDC your ability to deal with it would be impaired by that much alcohol. You already know your body cannot sustain this.

My mother drank herself to death and, like you, I don’t want to go down the same route as my mother. I, like you, have been reliant on alcohol recently to help me deal with something really difficult.

I have managed to address this myself. Without the need for AA. But I have to say I was considering it! I now drink only 1-2 days a week and only half a bottle of wine each day. So one bottle per week. About 9 units. Less than the maximum allowance. I am doing OK.

I have done dry months before. I can go AF. But I am always counting the days to the end of the month and it feels miserable. For me, I wanted a better relationship with alcohol. I didn’t want stop completely.

I have been to a pub three times in 2026 and on all three occasions I drank a soft drink. This is where I wanted to get to. Take or leave it and not drink in the week. Drive to a pub to meet my friend so I don’t need a taxi home. It’s much better. And cheaper!!!

You need to decide what you want from here. If you want to be AF then yes AA could be really helpful. If you want to cut down, are you able to set limits? My mother wasn’t able to sadly. Her “one glass of wine” was 250ml and her “one Whisky” was probably a quadruple measure. That’s 7 units a day right there. And that’s if she was able to stick to her limit, which she was not.

I would ignore your DH. Go to your GP and be honest. I also found some Hypno sessions called “control your drinking” helpful. There are also various books: Naked Mind and so on.

It’s really positive you recognise this as a problem and it’s positive you want to do something about it. If it’s filling a void in your life, you will need to find ways to address that too. For me, I was drinking to mask physical pain because none of the drugs I was given worked! The pain was awful. Alcohol helped. It was the only thing that did. I thankfully have been able to get treatment and make lifestyle changes so the pain isn’t so bad. But if you don’t address the reason you started drinking, you may easily slip back.

Good luck! Be strong. You can do this!

Please, please, please get help.

I come from a family of alcoholics. I have been sober for 17 years.

You are in grave danger of:
something happening to your child that you are not capable of responding to appropriately, which could end very badly;
being reported to SS and having your child removed;
becoming terminally ill due to liver damage - please, please, listen to this, if nothing else - the liver is a very tolerant organ and often gives no sign of anything being wrong but then, one day, it just stops;
death by oesophageal variceses - I won't post any details here because it's too horrific for most people to contemplate, but it means instant death.

Please, please, please get help.

You are definitely exceeding the recommended units. By a lot. A bottle of wine is about 9 units. A single 25ml measure of gin is 1 unit. Your weekly ‘safe’ amount is 14 units. Although this is now up for debate as well.

I probably get through 2 bottles of wine per week and I’m aware that’s still too much.

Whether or not you’re an alcoholic is a different matter. Can you stop if you want to?

Bottle of st emillion is 13-14 units (red). It states this on the bottles we have on our rack. A bottle of white is typically 9-11 units 1L of rum is 40 units (again it states this on the bottles in my cupboard) so half a bottle of spirits IS 20units. A 70cL bottle of gin is 28units, a 1L bottle of gin or vodka is also 40units (again it states this on the bottles in my cupboard).

So yes a bottle of wine and half a bottle/50cl of spirits is approx 30 units. Fact.

Minimising the amount of alcohol a young woman is drinking whilst responsible for a child doesn’t help her.

It's quite worrying that it's such a struggle for you to get even an hour to yourself. I'd strongly suggest that you look at going back to work, even if what you earn is swallowed up in nursery costs.

No.

normalising unhealthy drinking is part of the problem!

I get the feeling that you’re in a controlling and coercive relationship, it’s hard to see in when you’re in it but when and if you ever walk away you will think f**k what was I putting up with, trust me, been there and done that! I think the fact that your partner doesn’t think you drink too much especially with him being almost tea total is crazy, someone who doesn’t drink normally sees how much other people do, but why would he think it’s funny that you want to get help? Whether he thinks you have a problem or not he should 100% be supporting you not only to better yourself but so your child doesn’t grow up seeing their mum the way you see yours! He’s adamant he doesn’t want you to work, you’re living in his house and you’re secluded from your entire support network and he wants you to sign a pre nup so you’re thinking you can’t leave him because you couldn’t cope and you wouldn’t have a pot to piss in! I’m sorry but it sounds like he’s got you exactly where he wants you! My ex was very similar to this and trust me, escaping with my kids was the best thing I ever did and it made me realise exactly how tough and independent I am! I really think you need out, take your child and focus on yous! I honestly don’t think that drink is the big problem here, I think it’s your partner! Be brave, be strong, quit the drink then step back and take a look at everything else around you but you’ve got this, you can do anything you put your mind to and if you don’t do it for yourself, do it for your child, my kids were always my fighting force

Fwiw i dont think this a flex
"Firmly WC to MC" it describes millions of people

I like a drink.
this is too much.

Are you are alcoholic? I dont have the answer.
It is a problem that needs addressing? Yes

there were points in my life i was drinking not far off this.
I was VERY unhappy and I was damaging my health.
You presumably cannot look after your child properly for significant perioid of time.
Again, not okay.

You've been doing this for 6 weeks only.
You sounds VERY UNHAPPY.
The situation is very fixable right now.

Is the drinking about being addicted and unable to stop now OR is it a desperate bid to get attention from your DH?

If he sorted himself out and was present..if you made some mum friends locally would you still be doing this?

Either way you need to to stop.
If you believe AA is the vehicle go to it and find out.

you mention that your partner works long shifts and you are on your own with your child when drunk? Do you have a contingency plan if there was an emergency?

if you worked, your income would not be added to your partners in calcs for child benefit or free hours, so you would not lose these things as you suggested up thread.

it sounds to me like you are bored and lonely, maybe looking into part time work and childcare could give you something of your own, plus help build a future just in case things don’t work out with your OH. You sounds like you are/will become very dependent on him and that’s a very vulnerable place to be.

You should not be drinking on a regular basis like this when you are caring for a 1 year old. You would be far over the limit for driving. It needs to stop. And why the laughing face. It isnt a joke.

As a recovering alcoholic, no, I wouldn’t say you’re an alcoholic. Drinking a bottle of wine 3-4 times a week for the past month or two doesn’t suddenly mean you’ve morphed into someone with an alcohol addiction.

In fact, I’d say you drink about as much as my typical 40 something year old friends who think they have a perfectly normal relationship with alcohol. When I quit drinking, I was drinking 3 bottles of wine a day, every single day, for about a year or so (and heavily but not as heavily for a long time before that).

But you don’t have to have a proper addiction to alcohol to recognise that it’s not good for you and you should probably stop or cut down. Alcohol misuse is like a lift that only goes in one direction. After a point, you can’t go back the other way and drink ‘normally’. It’s progressive. When I was 24, I drank maybe Friday/Saturday evenings. I was probably late 20s before I was drinking a bottle several nights a week. Then it was 2 bottles. Then by around 40, it was 3 bottles a night. It only gets worse, not better.

But you are still young and this is all still very new. I would say you’re still in the realms of ‘bad habit’ from the problem drinkers I know (and I know a lot of them!). You can shift your behaviour and your mindset. I don’t think AA (certainly not NA unless you have a coke habit, and then that changes things) would be the right place for you. AA can be a bit dismissive of people who don’t fit the classic definition of alcoholism. But you can want to quit drinking or have a healthier relationship with alcohol without having to reach rock bottom and have an addiction.

I’d start by doing 30 days alcohol free. Have your partner do it with you. If he has concerns and wants to support you, he’ll of be happy to not drink for a month or so. Find new ways to fill that time. This will mean too that your partner needs to be home to take over the parenting while you look after yourself, go to the gym, meet a friend for coffee, go for a walk and listen to a podcast, your partner can do bedtime while you just take yourself to bed with a book if you need to! I second getting some childcare and a job. I cannot tell you the wonders that going back to work after mat leave did for me. You can make a decision what you want to do next after 30 days when you see how you feel.

I’m coming up to 3 years sober now. As stressful as life can be, and mine has been hugely stressful in these past few years, it was never as stressful as it was when I was drinking. Alcohol only makes stress and anxiety worse, never better. Everything is so much easier to deal with now. I have absolutely no desire to ever go back to drinking. Life really does get much better. My kids get the full present version of me now (and parenting is so much easier!). You just have to make the leap.

Your baby isn’t safe with you if you have drunk that much, and another adult isn’t around to supervise the baby or provide urgent care if god forbid there was an emergency.

i grew up with an alcoholic mum and had to watch her slowly kill herself before she turned 60. Very middle class family.

Get your shit together OP

That’s 1L not a standard bottle.

This is definitely far too much, and you have a problem that you need to address - whether by yourself or with help. Good luck.