Am I an alcoholic?

[fartasapissed2]

Bravely posting in the Chat function! Starting to worry about my alcohol consumption I’m 24 with one year old, over the past month and a half I’ve been drinking very regularly.

I’ve drunk more in the last month than I have in the last year. Over the last 2 months I’ve averaged a bottle of wine, and the rest , probably 3-4 times a week. It’s come to a head with DP because I’d like to go to AA or NA, he isn’t in agreement that I have a problem.

I enjoy getting home and opening a bottle of wine, DP can work 20 hour shifts so I’m home alone a lot. I’d probably average on my drinking nights, 1 bottle of red and 50cl of spirits. Is this a problem? I’m never hungover and my
child is the deil incarnate.

thanks

We don’t use the term ‘alcoholic’ and more. It’s too binary and people focus on where they ‘are’ or ‘are not’ which is unhelpful.

We talk about ‘alcohol use disorder’ to reflect that drinking is a spectrum. A lot of people are in the ‘grey area’. Just because you are not sitting on a park bench with a can of Special Brew does not mean that your drinking is not a problem.

You are drinking at hazardous levels. It is often easier to stop completely than to try to moderate. There are a number of online resources - Soberistas, Sober Fish etc. Plenty of ‘quit lit’ - William Porter, Catherine Grey.

I wish you well x

Lots of Facebook groups to give support: Andy Rammage, Sober Dave, Sarah Rusbatch, Alcohol Explained and Life Beyond the Booze all great communities, reach out to them.

Yeah it's all a bit weird.

It made me laugh out loud.

It's not weird - OP has a sense of humour and she sounds very bright. Some of her posts have really made me laugh!

AA is awesome. Such lovely people there. I'm 10 years sober this year. You won't regret giving up alcohol while your child is still young.

A bottle of 12% wine is 9 units. The recommended weekly safe limit is 14 units.

That amount is really hard on your liver. You're drinking the equivalent of three bottles of wine in one go. That will kill you eventually.

OP you can join AA online: https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/find-a-meeting/

Connect to a zoom when your child’s in bed.

Ultimately your partner doesn’t need to know you attend AA. Tell him you want to get healthy and you won’t be drinking. Attend AA remotely when he’s out the house.

I don’t see how his work stops you getting a job, at least part time. I really think having a focus during the day other than your DD would help massively. It’s really concerning he won’t let you work and won’t support you going to AA, there are huge alarm bells that should be ringing for you right now.

FWIW I drank heavily in my 20s. Maybe not quite as much as you but not far off. It was way too much, I was risking my health and I feel stupid looking back. But I massively turned it around (without AA) and while I do still drink now, it’s a much lower, less riskier amount. The huge difference being I didn’t have kids in my 20s so I was only putting myself at risk.

You really need to get this sorted for your little girl, and I mean the issues with your relationship as much as the booze.

There’s an easy way to tell: try stopping. If you can’t do it, you’re addicted,

This, exactly. You seem to be in a vulnerable position; you're young, an alcoholic with young children, you obviously need help, yet he refuses to see it. He seems to enjoy being the provider, controlling you and the finances. Please wake up and seek help!

You can definitely attend aa with baby - you normally have to turn camera on for a bit to prove you aren't a troll.
for what it's worth I'd nip this in the bud now in your shoes.

that is way too much daily. How on earth can you parent a child after consuming that much alcohol! Your DH is deluded you need to get some help for this before it spirals

You mentioned NA in your first post. Are you also taking drugs?

You don't need your husband's permission to seek help for alcohol abuse. The important part is that you take this seriously, because it is!

Well done for spotting it early, it will be much easier to kick this habit now than months down the line.

No wonder you drink. He's an even bigger problem than the alcohol. He wants you dependent.

Don't marry him. Run. ...even if its not in a straight line, because you're steaming xD

I suggest you remove all booze from the home.

I might have drunk that for periods when I was your age but childless and going out. It makes me cringe to think back and honestly when you read your posts tomorrow you will probably do the same as you were rambling and unclear.

I think you are amazing to see the problem so quickly though. And it needs addressing because you can't change just your lifestyle and then it stops like I did. I think you need the GP as you feel like you are spiralling and unhappy with your wider life. And a plan to work as that what you've implied you want. Doesn't matter what your partner wants with this and if he loves you he'll accept it.

Good luck. 20s are hard. Keep faith in yourself.

I used to drink several bottles a week and alcohol apart, I put on five stone over a couple of months. I managed to lose it but am very mindful now that a bottle has 600 calories! I feeel much better all round now I drink less. I have one glass a couple of times a week with a meal only now. Not judging, that’s all you need and people on here will have their complaisant judgy pants on, but drinking to the extent you do will ruin your health, particularly with spirits on top.

You’re an alcoholic and you really need to get help. You definitely shouldn’t be drinking when you’re alone at home with a baby. I have 1-2 glasses of wine a week and most weeks I don’t have any.

Why are you marrying a man who is controlling? Also 20 hour shifts??

You have a young child! You need to get help particularly as your partner works long hours. It’s only a matter of time before someone reports you to social services!

Sorry you’re drinking then 4 bottles of wine a week and half a bottle of gin so two bottles of gin over a week?!

That’s about 100 units of alcohol in a week.. that’s a lot and yes please do seek out support.

I don’t like to label people as alcoholics because my bio dad was one and I saw the destruction it caused, so I try to be careful with words like that.

However, your alcohol consumption is definitely high and it would concern me for your health if nothing else. You’re not giving your liver a break or chance to recover, so even if you feel fine, you’ll be doing damage.

The fact that you don’t feel hungover is a bit of a concern because it shows you’re building up a tolerance, though it’s true that alcohol affects everyone differently.

I would look at cutting down (right down) as much as possible and trying to find replacements that help you unwind in the same way. It sounds to me more that you’ve developed a bad habit more than a physical dependency, but trust me, the slope is slippery and you won’t really notice yourself falling down it until you’re there.

There’s nothing wrong with a glass of wine to unwind or with a nice meal, but I would recommend you keep it for times when you’re truly able to enjoy it.

I would also imagine that if you cut right back, you’ll start feeling better physically and realise that right now, you probably didn’t feel all that great, but this just became your baseline normal.

I rarely drink and was never a big drinker anyway, but perimenopause has really put a stop to it (having to take an antihistamine to have a glass of wine isn’t worth it 😂), so I only really have the occasional drink at special occasions and quite often don’t bother.

I have a couple of great books about giving up alcohol that I’ll post here for you later. They’re really helpful in changing your mindset around alcohol, especially around things like going on holiday, relaxing after work, special occasions, etc.

My mother probably started like this, she struggled with us children when we were small. By the time I was 4 or 5 I knew she was different to other mothers. It carried on, blighting mine and my brothers whole life and ruining my parents marriage. I’m now 53, still mourning the mother I never had and desperately wanted. She died age 62 in a terrible state, yellow, swollen with a tummy so full of fluid she had prolapsed most of her organs.

You may feel you are managing it at the moment but I can tell you it’s a sharp and very slippery slope, possibly leading to a ruined life for yourself and that of your child. They will know, not at 1 year old but soon, very soon. They will smell that sickly, sweet smell of drink from the night before, recognise the eyes, the slur to the speech. They will become hyper aware of every sign that you have drunk and their heart will sink each time they see it. It’s a massive hurt by a thousand tiny cuts and disappointments.

Stop now OP.

A bottle of wine (12%) is 9 units. A woman’s “allowance” is 14 units.