Am I an alcoholic?

[fartasapissed2]

Bravely posting in the Chat function! Starting to worry about my alcohol consumption I’m 24 with one year old, over the past month and a half I’ve been drinking very regularly.

I’ve drunk more in the last month than I have in the last year. Over the last 2 months I’ve averaged a bottle of wine, and the rest , probably 3-4 times a week. It’s come to a head with DP because I’d like to go to AA or NA, he isn’t in agreement that I have a problem.

I enjoy getting home and opening a bottle of wine, DP can work 20 hour shifts so I’m home alone a lot. I’d probably average on my drinking nights, 1 bottle of red and 50cl of spirits. Is this a problem? I’m never hungover and my
child is the deil incarnate.

thanks

Not minimising. Just stating facts.
FACT.

@fartasapissed2 I'm surprised I'm seeing so many posts here debating this.
This is not subjective. Alcoholism is no longer distinguished from alcohol excess as a condition, so a lot of commenters here have outdated views.

The amount you're drinking puts you in the high risk category @fartasapissed2 which is equivalent to the old term of "alcoholism".

So yes, AA would be a good idea and you are doing really excellently by having the insight and motivation to go.

I am somewhat concerned by the lack of support from your partner though.

Most likely yes. Sorry OP. 4 bottles of wine a week is 40ish units. a 50cl of spirits is 20 units. Recommended max is 14 in a week. You’re drinking 60+….

Alcohol use disorder isn’t just drinking 24/7 at the park on cheap cider… it’s any use of alcohol that is having a negative effect on the drinkers life and those around them. And your level of alcohol will be hammering your liver, immune system, kidneys, brain. I drank far less than you when I joined AA.

You don’t need your partners permission to drop by a meeting or join one online. You can do the online ones to get a feel for them if you like and I’m sure you’re hear people that resonate.

You mentioned a step-child.

So your partner won’t let you work. Are you sure it’s because he doesn’t want to pay child care fees?

Not that his current macho-bollocks reasoning is any better.

And he says no to you getting the help you need. Is this a status thing? He doesn’t want a partner in AA?

I think you’ll find your drinking might resolve itself if you get rid of him.

In the meantime, Google Annie Grace. She saved my health, if not my life.

Is this bickering over units adding anything to this thread or helping the OP whatsoever 🤦🏻‍♀️?!

So 20+ every time you drink? Fucking hell OP. You’re far too wasted to safely care for your child. Please do join AA.

This is heavy drinking and harmful to your health long term.

Sorry yes. I completely agree. It just rules when people throw wild statements about.
OP needs to address her issue and herDH is not being very supportive. It’s good that she recognises she has a problem. I hope she gets the help she needs. X

I would consider half a bottle of wine per evening bordering on excessive so I’m probably not the best person to ask!
Would you be able to go without alcohol for 48 hours? If not, then consider yourself addicted.

What's class got to do with it and what is growing up 'council'? Ballet, avocados and blueberries also also completely irrelevant (not to mention comonplace).

Do you think aspirational working class people don't have addiction issues or neglect their children? Do you think neglect only takes one form.

If you think you might have a problem, you have a problem and you fix it.

That is a lot of alcohol.

I have a different take. Could you stop for a month without any issues? If you answer yes do it completely tee total for one month and see how you feel. If you answer no - or you say yes and break the month of tee total for any reason you have an issue that probably needs professional support.

I drank heavily during my degree and postgraduate degrees - over 7 years. But at some point during that time I asked myself the same question am I drinking too much? I realised if I was asking the question I had an issue. So I stopped mid sip and put down the glass and went tee total for a month. The urgent to drink was huge it was like skin crawling huge it felt like alcohol was needed in my blood. But I did it.

I went back to drinking at university but in a more measured way eg one night of drinking and alternating during that night between pint of beer and then pint of water etc and do every night of drinking I did two nights of not drinking. I was the only girl in a group of hard drinking lads and at the time I could drink most of them under the table and wore that badge with pride.

I realised on the ECV list with two SEN children in lockdown that I needed a gin and tonic every lunchtime and then a couple of nights I had a bottle of wine in the evenings. I too made excuses, I work hard, we are stuck in doors, it’s a mess (the world), it’s not drugs etc and I realised it was the same me looking and saying ‘Am I drinking too much?’ You know the answer is yes, else you wouldn’t ask the question. Even now I find it hard to say I was an ‘alcoholic’ or I am an ‘alcoholic’ I prefer to say at university I had a problem or an issue with alcohol.

The issue I think is being real, about it, I’m a small tiny lady so guidelines aren’t the same for me as for a tall large 6 foot lady. It’s the way it is - guidelines.

If you are asking is it too much the answer is yes. How you stop - yourself great. Need advice and help? - it’s out there.

Drinking that much whilst in charge of a child is not good.
On another note, make sure your husband is paying into your pension while you are not working and looking after your child. Start having some financial independence, even while happily married/in a partnership.

It might make practical sense though for you to return to work if it will benefit you mentally.

Being on your own with a baby all day is tough. Very few people are cut out for it - it's not natural at all, previously there would have been grandparents/aunts/neighbours etc all gathered round.

The are two issues I see with your alcohol consumption. 1) that much alcohol will damage your liver even if you're not addicted. 2) You might be or become an addict, at which point even 1 glass a year is unsafe.

So in your shoes I would stop drinking for a month to see how my body/mind reacts. Then if it seems just a habit and not an addiction, I would cut down to 1 bottle of wine a week. To change a habit it's best to add something in to distract yourself - maybe coffee? Or smoothies? Or make elaborate mocktails?

If you struggle with not drinking for a couple of weeks, then you're an alcoholic and should aim to go cold turkey. AA would really help with that.

Your drinking sounds problematic and could develop into dependency.
Reach out to your local recovery service, this will probably be CGL or we are with you. Many have young adult workers who will be able to support you one to one and you'll still have access to the groups.
If you feel it's a problem then it is a problem.

Your relationship doesn’t sound great TBH. Having a 1 y at old is full on and a lot if it is boring.

I love drinking and was brought up in a very boozy home and culture. What booze does is put a haze around your problems. I have to have firm rules around drinking or I can easily slide into drinking too much

But you are not safe parent while drunk and your are drinking way too much .

You need to stop drinking altogether for some time, say a month, to break the habit and to look at your life. Not having hangovers is a danger sign. It means you’ve built up unhealthy tolerance.

Your recognize you have a problem. Well done as that’s not easy

Is it actually the alcohol?

I used to drink like a fish, especially after my first baby who never slept, and with a husband working away for much of the time. There was no respite. I was drinking cream sherry and wine pretty much daily. I was addicted to alcohol and was about to go and see my GP - or so I thought until a friend brought a bottle of dry sherry round as a present. I drank a glass - and ugh, it was so sour!. I love sherry - but that bottle stayed undrunk for months. That’s when I twigged it was actually the sugar in the drinks - I was drinking just the way I was binge eating biscuits/ sweets/ cakes. It was the sugar I was after, and I was drinking non stop to get energy from it to look after my baby too.

With that realisation it became easy to stop the alcohol. The first few days were tough but after a three days gap it became easy and the craving stopped. Now I very rarely drink and don’t really enjoy it when I do.

Mind I can still demolish a whole box of chocolates in minutes, so try not to buy them.

Of course it may indeed be alcohol with you, but I post this as a possible consideration.

@fartasapissed2 if you had said a bottle of wine 3-4 times a week I’d have said keep an eye .
However, and half a bottle of common top.
Sorry yes you need to get your drinking sorted .

I'd not be marrying someone who laughed at me when I was asking for help with a situation that could quickly spiral out of control.

You seem to post laughing emojis alot when frankly none of this is a laughing matter. It's incredibly sad tbh. You're obviously struggling, lonely and finding it hard to cope and reached out to your only source of support for help & advice and all he did was scoff at you. Get away from him and the situation you're in and your need for a drink will more than like go away. 💐

OP your binge drinking is a concern and a risk to your health. You've casually dropped in these comments about your partner which contain huge red flags. Are you having any help? Your partner sounds like a nailed down controlling abuser in the early stages. Did he instigate the move away from your support network? Has your drinking increased as you've become more isolated and controlled? I'm sorry he's minimising your concerns about your drinking. Please consider counselling or support from your local domestic abuse organisation. Also check out this information about coercive control from Women's Aid.

https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/

Hi OP.
You're definitely drinking far more alcohol than is healthy and this will be adversely affecting your liver and your ability to look after your child.

Can you ask your doctor for help and join an online AA meeting?

I think you'll be surprised to read what you've written while you were drunk yesterday evening.

You don’t need to cut out alcohol but you do need more respect for it, maybe with help of AA.

The very fact you are on here asking means you know you have a problem. You need to sort it now. Can you go without a drink ? If not you need to see your Doctor.
As for your child not being neglected, who is looking after her when you are drunk ?

You may feel as if you don't have a hangover but this amount of alcohol catches up with you in the end, I know because i was you and 20 years after drinking hard just like you i had a heart attack and the Doctor told me it was down to the stress on my liver from drinking. Make your choices now,

@fartasapissed2 You are in a tricky position.

Do you have a friend or family member you can stay with for a week? You and the baby head out for a holiday? A dry week would do you good and let you assess your situation.

You are drinking problematic amounts.
Your partner is waving red flags at you. At the very least you need to have a just in case plan and also, most importantly, don’t give him ammunition to move against you in a custody case. If this went to family court, you’re drinking 75+ units a week in sole charge of a baby. Not good.

I really feel for you, I found my early years with the DC really hard. I too was isolated.

Think about the money you’d save into a ‘just in case’ pot, if you put the alcohol money into it! At least £45 a week will add up, if that helps motivate you.

Being an alcoholic isn't completely about how much you drink, it's about how dependent you are on alcohol and the impact it's having on your life. There is such a thing as being a 'functioning alcoholic' but the damage being done to your liver by heavy drinking will catch up eventually. I say this from experience; my husband developed liver cirrhosis and the physical effects were horrendous. We are both 'dry' now.

Why don't you set yourself the small goal of having a dry week, and see how you cope?