Am I an alcoholic?

[fartasapissed2]

Bravely posting in the Chat function! Starting to worry about my alcohol consumption I’m 24 with one year old, over the past month and a half I’ve been drinking very regularly.

I’ve drunk more in the last month than I have in the last year. Over the last 2 months I’ve averaged a bottle of wine, and the rest , probably 3-4 times a week. It’s come to a head with DP because I’d like to go to AA or NA, he isn’t in agreement that I have a problem.

I enjoy getting home and opening a bottle of wine, DP can work 20 hour shifts so I’m home alone a lot. I’d probably average on my drinking nights, 1 bottle of red and 50cl of spirits. Is this a problem? I’m never hungover and my
child is the deil incarnate.

thanks

It’s a bottle of wine and HALF a bottle/50cl of gin (not 50ml) 3-4x a week, so 28-30 units each night she drinks.

Oh thanks, I misread that

Changes everything

Op, seek help before this worsens

@fartasapissed2 I've read all your posts but not the whole thread.

I'm concerned about your upcoming marriage and I think you should be too (I understand its booked etc)

You're drinking heavily now because your fiance is leaving you so unsupported, isolated & vulnerable. Yes marriage would give you some financial protection that you don't currently have in case of divorce but I'm not confident marriage is going to do you any good:

He wants a pre nup - do you have one? Is it fair or favourable to him? Does it recognise the monetary value of your contribution to the marriage, which is typically undervalued and what a standard divorce would protect?

He doesn't want you to return to work and wants to be the tradional masculine provider

He gives you an allowance

Do you have full oversight of all finances? Or won't he let you see them?

Do you have a joint account?

How is spending split? What are you expected to pay for out of your allowance?

There are red flags in your post for financial abuse and that's before we get to the fact he's dismissing your very valid concerns about your drinking...

Does he know you're struggling with the isolation and being mum to an infant? How does he support you with this?

I'm in my 30s and I look back to when I was 24. My friends and I...We were still so young. I'm worried you're signing up to a situation you'll come to regret.

Put it this way, you're dependent on this man in every way and you're already so unhappy you've developed alcoholism. Is marrying him really the best choice for you and your child?

@fartasapissed2
The amount you are drinking will cause you serious health problems. It's a case of when not if.
You must feel like shit. I'm not judging, I used to drink the amount you are drinking, in my early to mid 30s. About 100 units a week. I managed to cut down to 30-35 units a week by having set days each week where I did not drink (3 non drinking nights), and set amounts I would drink in one night (no more than 8 units), and set times I would not drink before (not before 8pm). I was still struggling with it but managing to keep it at that level when I got pregnant and haven't drank since. Still battle a bit but it's much better when you are away from it even though it's hard at the time.

You are young and you have your whole life ahead of you and your child.

You should seek counselling immediately because of your issues around your mum and any other issues you may have as there will be a reason you are drinking like this. Drastically cut down your drinking, be strict about it whilst you still have a chance to, stop completely if you can.

God bless.

You're drinking too much but you're not in alcoholic territory - not unless you're sneaking in drinks during the day and covering it all up.

Sadly this is completely untrue and misleading. Please see my earlier post.

I don’t do AA, but I am in Overeaters Anonymous, which is the same program but for food addiction. I’ve only ever done Zoom meetings.

Its normal to be muted unless you are speaking (and you don’t have to speak unless you want to) and there are often people with cameras off. In some meetings they might ask you to appear on camera briefly and say your (first) name, so they can check you’re not a Zoom bomber, but once that is done you should be able just to listen and not be on camera if that’s what you want. You wouldn’t be able to have an older child with you, but I imagine a baby would be fine.

I’d also encourage you to have a read of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which you can access for free via an app called Everything AA. Also on there is a set of recordings called the Joe and Charlie Tapes, which is basically two guys going through the Big Book page by page, giving loads of background and explaining stuff. I am finding it hugely helpful.

I’ve learned that there are a lot of people in OA, and no doubt in AA and other Twelve Steps fellowships as well, who are going to meetings and not really working the program. Maybe it was never explained properly to them, or maybe they are not in the right place to do what they need to do. I love the Joe and Charlie tapes because they show how the Big Book explains very, very clearly what the problem is, what the solution is, and exactly what you have to do. But sadly many people miss that. You get people in meetings talking about their problems, and you get others talking about the solution and how it is changing their lives. Gravitate towards the second sort.

Of course, if you are NOT an alcoholic, and you understand just how damaging your current consumption is, then you will have no difficulty cutting your intake back to a safe level, say, a glass or two 3 nights a week.

Best of luck.

I went through this recently. I never used to drink really, just a couple of G&Ts on special occasions. Went through a tough time a couple of years ago and started drinking red wine. It started off as half a bottle shared with DH on a Friday night, then we’d do the same Saturday night. Then he stopped but I wanted to continue and I couldn’t stop at half so I was drinking the full bottle. Over time it developed into 3-4 bottles a week.

I realised it was an issue about 3 months ago when someone took a photo of me and my god, my face was bloated like a moon. I’ve massively cut it down. Didn’t drink at all in January but I do enjoy it so now down to one bottle a week which is much better. Wouldn’t say I was an alcoholic because that means you’re physically dependent and I had no side effects quitting, other than good ones! I didn’t find it too hard either.

Try to quit and see what happens. If you notice physical side effects e.g tremors, struggling to sleep, nausea then see your GP.

Did you progressively get more and more drunk last night as you were posting op?

youve a child or children in the house, how often are you drunk and alone with them.

youre very young and your drinking is excessive, drinking alone, half a bottle of spirits and a bottle of wine, and getting very drunk with it. 3 or 4 times a week so every other day,

you do need help as I think you’re on the slippery slope to full blown alcoholism and your children living with that, if there was an accident and your husband was at work and you were drunk alone with the kids there would be possible neglect charges and definitely social services involvement.

Alcoholism doesn't only, or necessarily, mean a person is physically dependent on alcohol.
There is a misconception, willful by some, to define it in the more severe characteristics in order to excuse or deny a drinking problem.

Google AI says the following, but there are multiple sources for info:

An alcoholic is a person with
alcohol use disorder (AUD), a chronic medical condition characterized by an inability to control or stop drinking despite severe negative consequences on health, relationships, and work. It involves physical dependence, where the individual experiences cravings, increased tolerance, and withdrawal symptoms if they stop.

Key Characteristics and Symptoms

• Physical Dependence:
• Experiencing withdrawal symptoms (tremors, nausea, anxiety, insomnia) when stopping, which can be severe
• Lack of Control: Inability to limit drinking or stop once begun.
• High Tolerance: Needing more alcohol to achieve the same effect.
• Negative Impact: Continuing to drink despite damage to relationships, job, or health.
• Preoccupation: Spending significant time obtaining, using, or recovering from alcohol.

I wanted to post some info after reading posts by people saying they're not physically dependent, so therefore not an alcoholic. Alcohol Use Disorder ranges from Mild-Moderate-Severe and physical dependence is only one aspect, itself having a spectrum.

Physical dependence is not the sole arbiter of who is an alcoholic, or any other sort of addict. What it boils down to is: you are regularly consuming/using at a level which is causing damage to your health, relationships, work, family etc etc - AND you continue to do so despite knowing you ought to cut down/stop. Either you don’t try, or you try and fail, repeatedly.

In the end, the label is not that important. The question is: knowing you need to stop, trying to stop - do you actually do so?

I think this is the real issue. You're probably lonely and don't know what to do with yourself at night after your child is asleep so have a drink then another and now you're veering into the danger zone of drinking.

Ask yourself what would you if there was an emergency while you're home with your child? You couldn't drive as you've had too much to drink. You must know if the police came for some unrelated reason they'd clock that you're intoxicated. etc etc

However imho the main problem is you don't know how to relax and may feel alone. Maybe take up online gaming where you play with others in real time? Or try some mild exercise, yoga or pilates at home to relax and unwind? Try writing fiction, join an online group to push you to do it and get feedback/connection. Anything to occupy your mind and/or body in a healthier way.

You're young enough that hangovers aren't a problem yet but I assure you they will be one day. And do you want your child to remember that their mother was always drunk at night when they're older? I didn't see my father sober until I was a late teen, he never intended that but it became his coping mechanism, it was sad and scary as a child to see him unable to cope with life without drinking.

It's good that you're questioning this! It means you subconsciously know this is not your path. Try working on developing a support system in your new area, and dealing with H being away for extended periods of time.

Interesting, yes this does seem to be documented that they under-declare

Yes, this...💐 for your wife.

You get people in meetings talking about their problems, and you get others talking about the solution and how it is changing their lives. Gravitate towards the second sort.

Yes, STICK WITH THE WINNERS 🏆

I wonder if OP is still engaged with her thread 🤔

You may or may not be an alcoholic as your massive consumption is only recent.
But drink is a severe problem that will only get worse. Your health and child,’s health at risk - accidents etc.
Partners response is weird. I assumed he’d be a heavy drinker, but to be so infrequent/borderline TT and dismiss your frankly reckless levels is inexplicable.
I used to drink more than you and had a sudden realisation I was killing myself.
Got referred to hospital, got dosed up on drugs to reduce the craving and came out the other end after a week of withdrawal. Looked like shit and felt like it but survived.
Didn't buy drink, didn’t go where drink was served and focused 100% on work. In your case it would be obsessive focus on child
Dont assume AA is the (only) answer. Some people don’t find the rigidity of meetings and spiritual element helpful. You might.
Go to doctor and give them a list of consumption in week. They’ll have a fit. Demand help.
But you’ve got to really want to do it or you won’t

Edit. To avoid confusion - I wasn’t admitted to hospital. Given a weeks worth of diazepam, took to my bed and slept, drank liquids in huge quantities and dried out