Am I an alcoholic?

[fartasapissed2]

Bravely posting in the Chat function! Starting to worry about my alcohol consumption I’m 24 with one year old, over the past month and a half I’ve been drinking very regularly.

I’ve drunk more in the last month than I have in the last year. Over the last 2 months I’ve averaged a bottle of wine, and the rest , probably 3-4 times a week. It’s come to a head with DP because I’d like to go to AA or NA, he isn’t in agreement that I have a problem.

I enjoy getting home and opening a bottle of wine, DP can work 20 hour shifts so I’m home alone a lot. I’d probably average on my drinking nights, 1 bottle of red and 50cl of spirits. Is this a problem? I’m never hungover and my
child is the deil incarnate.

thanks

So on a drinking night you allegedly consume 10 units of wine and 16 measures of gin? And you do this at least three, maybe 4, times a week?
That’s 78 - 104 units. You tell me you’re aware that ‘safe’ units are about 15.
You cannot be serious.

I can easily go a week without alcohol. Prior to falling pregnant I’d easily go a few months. I’m struggling with the demands of motherhood. I’m not an everyday drinker. I’m able to go a few nights without.

@fartasapissed2 Do you work?

You have a drink problem OP.
And as well as a developing addiction, you are putting your child at risk if you’re drinking that much while on your own with her.
Does your husband know how much you actually drink, when he tells you you don’t need AA?

You sound quite flippant about it. Have you been drinking this evening?

Lonely, frustrated and bored probably so you've found a friend in alcohol. I feel your pain @fartasapissed2.
Please keep yourself in check or it really will end in tears. 💐

I did, was made redundant on mat leave. DP is a higher rate tax payer, if he was to earn anymore we’d have to pay back child benefit. Even with the 15 ‘free’ hours, doesn’t make financial sense to us for me to return.

I appreciate this a lot. Thank you

I can easily go a week without alcohol.

I’m able to go a few nights without.

Which is it?

A few nights is not a week. Seriously. If you can easily go a week without then do that every other week. That will halve your consumption.

I suspect that in reality you would struggle to get through a whole week. If you cannot go a week without alcohol then that is a problem.

You may not be an alcoholic yet but you do have a drinking problem.

Tonight you are drinking. I hope that you will come back to this thread tomorrow and read it again. It is brave to post, you are not alone, there are people on mn who can help you.

If you can stop drinking you wont need AA. Do you want to stop? Have you tried to stop and been unsuccesful? If yes to both, you could maybe do with some support like AA.

Yes, you are drinking a lot. Its good you see that. You can break this habit.

Having read all your posts, I think you are using alcohol as a prop to support you during what seems to be a very difficult time. Do you think your MIL might be right in saying you have PND? If so, concentrate on getting help with that from your GP.

Alcohol is so easily accessible to "anaesthetise" when stressed or unhappy the temptation is understandable. But that relief is very short term - all the causes are still there the next day. You are lucky not to have full blown hangovers but you are human and the alcohol will be be taking it's toll on your body. Drinking daily makes a lot of people feel depressed. I think that's because the toxins build up. When that happens it's tempting to have a glass to cheer yourself up. And the situation worsens.

As you have posted asking the question, I think you know that for you, the amount you are drinking is too much. If you are unsure why would you accept the words of complete strangers to tell you the amount you are drinking is ok?

Just stop and see if not drinking causes cravings. If not drinking makes you anxious, then you have a problem. Rather than open a bottle, do some yoga or Tai Chi, some exercise you can do while looking after your child on your own. Just a simple routine that you can do in whatever you are wearing if you can't be bothered to change clothes. You could try other soothing activities, but exercise will give you a dopamine boost.

If you find you can't stop yourself from drinking then yes, you probably are at least becoming an alcoholic so get yourself some professional help, regardless of what your DP or anyone else say.

@fartasapissed2 But what about for your MH?

Pretty much laughed me out of the room when I suggested AA. He’s aware of the amount I drink too.

Do you feel like you need the alcohol to relax or unwind? Feeling like you need it (rather than just choosing to have it) is never a good position to be in.

If you’re in sole charge of a child in the evenings, you shouldn’t be over the legal limit to drive in my personal view.

Op yes I'd be concerned, you're probably teetering around functioning alcoholism. To be honest, I'm a bit concerned about your dp lack of concern. That's a lot to be drinking when you're in charge of a 1yo, but more importantly you feel like there's enough there to be worried about yourself and not only is he not stepping up to support you but he's also blocking you from others who could support you.

Does he have form for controlling behaviour op?

Hi! Yes I’m drinking tonight. I only drunk twice in 2025, June and October. I’ve spiralled this year, DP works ridiculous hours, I have zero help for both emotional support, and hands on deck. I’m 24 and falling into my mother’s drinking patterns which quite frankly, terrify me

I think it’s a lot considering you’re at home alone with a baby , when your DH is at home does he drink a lot ? Sounds like he doesn’t want you to hold a mirror up to his drinking

I’d found a few NA and AA meetings, local to me, for last week. DP thought I was being ridiculous, it’s laughable, hes teetotal too.

He’s controlling in that he’s against me returning to work, despite me having a degree and career. He’s very good at providing. He pays the bills and give me and allowance. We’re marrying next year, he’s keen on a “pre nup”🤣

He very rarely drinks. Might have a cider once in a blue moon, enjoys a rum for the taste. I’m not a messy drunk, not that it doesn’t impede me being a mother

If you were looking at yourself from the outside would you judge you?

Thank you

One bottle a night, an average drinker????? In what world? Please go to AA, you're an alcoholic. Being 24 and with a young child, I'd say run to the nearest AA meeting. Your partner is in denial - and from what I can see, so are many people on Mumsnet.

I’m not sure to be honest. The drinking as an aside, both my baby and stepchild are well turned out and looked after. I readily judge a neighbour of ours for the opposite reason

I think op you prioritise going to those meetings if you think you need them and forget his opinion on it. If he takes it any further than shrugging it off then I think you have a dp problem and you need to reconsider the relationship. There's some red flags for control ringing here.

It's his job to support you more than just financially, which is kind of questionable if you're saying he won't let you return to work. If your mother struggled with alcoholism then you're at an increased risk of developing it yourself so I think you're being sensible and a good mum by wanting to address it. The fact he's tee total and is watching you consume that much, hearing you say you're struggling but is forcing you to continue as you are so he doesn't need to make any changes is very telling.

If it were me, I'd be going to counselling and aa, putting little one into nursery and returning to work full time and saving money for a ltb fund just incase. If he's refusing to allow you to work wtf is he asking for a pre-nup for... this is all reeking of financial control.

So yes. This is problem drinking. A bottle of wine is 9-14 units depending on red/white and strength. X 3 that is over 30 units and double the recommended amount for women. Half a bottle of spirits is approx 20units - and you claim to drink that 3-4 x a week. So a further 60 units?

Actually, on the basis this amounts 90-100 units a week over 3 nights, I would say yes, you have a huge problem with alcohol (if this post is true) and would definitely advise contacting AA. You don’t need your DH’s permission - but you absolutely should not be responsible for your children on drinking nights (where it seems you drink 30units?) BTW it takes the body 1 hour per unit to process alcohol, so this means you are drunk/over the limit the following day, when you are driving with your child in the car?