Never seen DH so angry - wet myself in fear

[Badsitu]

I know this is bad but it’s only just happened about half an hour ago and I don’t know how to deal with it.

I have 2 young children with DH and pregnant with third.

He took the girls out for the morning, came back and went to make himself some lunch. He asked for his olives as I was standing organizing the fridge and I told him that I threw them out a couple of days ago as they went bad (furry mould kind of bad).

He absolutely hates food waste, we both do and we are both pretty good about not wasting food in general but it happens from time to time and I wasn’t going to keep furry olives in the fridge.

Problem is… he went absolutely mental. He has never done this before, he said that if I dared throw away any of his food again he will break my arms. He took the joint card off of me and told me that I am not to buy any food shopping. He threw a sippy cup across the room, called me a selfish bitch but it was his aggressive tone and the look in his eyes that basically sent my body weak and numb and I fully lost control of my bladder and wet myself in the kitchen. It was awful.

He has stormed out of the house and I’m sat in shock, honestly not knowing what to do or say. Luckily the girls were in the garden and didn’t appear to hear or see anything but my goodness he was raging with anger - enough to make a grown woman wet herself.

you will look back and wish you left the first time.

Goodness, this is hellish. Please tell someone. Anyone in real life who can support you. Be truthful. Don’t live in fear.

He is probably having an affair. This is textbook stuff to start demonising the wife. In anticipation of leaving her for a shiny fresh unencumbered barely out of teenage years naive idiot of a woman
Or maybe even a man these days

You really need to realise that you cannot get past this and you cannot stay @Badsitu .

It’s very sad when a marriage ends, especially with kids, but you must because it’s over now.

Once a man does this once, and get away with it, they will do it again. And it will get worse.
Therapists will not work with couples when there has been an instance of abuse because you cannot fix that. And once it’s happened and been accepted, it will happen more.

If you stay, that moment in the kitchen will be the rest of your life. And it will be your children’s lives. That’s what they’ll see whilst growing up, and that’s how their dad will treat them.

You need real life help, and you need to call
the police.

All of this.

It doesn't matter what happened in his head, there is no excuse for threatening to break his pregnant wife's arms. None.
Please tell someone OP.

Please, please either contact the police or at the very least National Domestic Abuse helpline, who will give non-judgemental support.

Make sure you and your children are safe.

Homepage - National Domestic Abuse Helpline https://share.google/f5g7ruSjuXKKfO9Mj

Call the police.

This is the real story, what are you talking about, you think OP is lying? It doesn't matter what the olives are a displacement object for, he's a nutjob who threatens to break his wife's arms and withdraws her access to money when she's a SAHM. She mentioned he gets angry but she thinks it's "normal"... come on, if you're old enough to be on here then you weren't born yesterday, what do you think is going on?

There are two adults in the relationship. To protect the children and unborn child, you as an adult with a fully matured brain need to ensure the children are in a safe environment- not involved in or witnessing domestic abuse. You need to act quickly and decisively to nip this in the bud. It is what it is. If you stay, you’re complicit in whatever follows as you do have free choice right now to leave him. What has happened has already happened, you don’t need to wait for something to happen again or even an explanation of why. The abusive action already took place and the next move is up to you.

If you don't want to call the police or women's aid, please ask someone to come and stay with you

The only explanation I can imagine is that he had hidden drugs or similar in the olives because that kind of rage is the behaviour of a foiled drug addict.

Can understand absolutely why you don't want to face it but you have to - call the police. He's awful. You'll be ok.

If this were my daughter or friend I'd be picking you up immediately. Do you have any help IRL.

You poor love 😔

Please speak to your parents/family member.

You cannot keep this to yourself.

Yes I was wondering about that as well! OP hopefully you have now contacted someone to come and stay with you 🙏

I wouldnt let him back in the house full stop

Sounds like you will stay with him - it’s now your children I feel sorry for. Imagine being a parent and allowing this to happen - it’ll get worse OP and the next time, he will do this to your children. It will just escalate from here. He’s warned you what he will do - believe him.

Oh get off your high horse. The woman is pregnant and shes probably hoping he will be sorry and never do it again THATS THE REASON WOMEN DONT REPORT MEN LIKE THIS TO THE POLICE. THEY ARE THE VICTIMS!

You need to immediately go to a DV shelter, it all starts with threats next time he will carry it out. Think of your children please. They need their mummy.

My over-riding fear now would be, when will it happen again as you can’t unsee or u hear what you just have. Will this give him license in his own head to give you a repeat performance over any trivial issue he thinks fit? His reaction was so pathetically extreme to be unbelievable.

Please do not accept his outburst hoping to quieter the storm, this is not acceptable. We all get frustrated, but to fire up over mouldy olives and expect you to bear the brunt of his extreme & upsetting behaviour, I think not!

Sometimes getting on to his mum is not the best move. Trust me I’ve been there.

Correct - most likely time to be murdered - under 1 year old. Protect your children from this man including your unborn one. You know what you heard.

I wouldn't message him. Telling him to stay away is enough but you do need someone there I think. I don't think I could sleep in case he started trying to force the chained door.

Yeah, don't tell his mum/sister/brother. Someone from your own family or friends is best.

I’ve been on MN for nearly 20 years and this is one of the most chilling posts I’ve ever read. It’s the disproportionate response and the very specific ‘I’ll break your arms’ before stealing your debit card.

It must feel totally overwhelming but please try and call a friend (I’d drop everything and come to you if you were my friend) and then either the police or Women’s Aid.

I say this kindly, but it will get worse if you continue in this relationship. You are in an extremely vulnerable place being pregnant with young children. Your children WILL be impacted. You need to report this and tell family/friends, someone who can support you.