Never seen DH so angry - wet myself in fear

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I know this is bad but it’s only just happened about half an hour ago and I don’t know how to deal with it.

I have 2 young children with DH and pregnant with third.

He took the girls out for the morning, came back and went to make himself some lunch. He asked for his olives as I was standing organizing the fridge and I told him that I threw them out a couple of days ago as they went bad (furry mould kind of bad).

He absolutely hates food waste, we both do and we are both pretty good about not wasting food in general but it happens from time to time and I wasn’t going to keep furry olives in the fridge.

Problem is… he went absolutely mental. He has never done this before, he said that if I dared throw away any of his food again he will break my arms. He took the joint card off of me and told me that I am not to buy any food shopping. He threw a sippy cup across the room, called me a selfish bitch but it was his aggressive tone and the look in his eyes that basically sent my body weak and numb and I fully lost control of my bladder and wet myself in the kitchen. It was awful.

He has stormed out of the house and I’m sat in shock, honestly not knowing what to do or say. Luckily the girls were in the garden and didn’t appear to hear or see anything but my goodness he was raging with anger - enough to make a grown woman wet herself.

You need to go to the hospital and get checked out. What if you were so afraid your waters broke? They have people peeing themself all the time asking for reassurance it isn’t their waters. With my DD I thought I wet myself in the night and they told me my waters had broke when I went in with reduced movement days later. Better to be safe than sorry and maybe they can help you if you tell them why you think you have peed yourself too.

If it's too hard to call the police, call your midwifery team and tell them. They might have an email address too if calling is too hard.

Domestic abuse risk increases when somebody is pregnant and midwives will be on the lookout for it and should be skilled at helping.

I agree, it doesn't matter. Either which way, she needs to keep herself and her children safe.

Exactly right. It was his job to eat the fecken olives. Blaming you for this is horrendous.

In your shoes I would call the police and tell them you have been violently attacked by him and get him arrested.

This is not helpful

The OP and her children are at risk. She will be looking to normalize this behavior, as probably every woman does when subjected to dramatic abuse for the first time.

It is not explainable by frustration

Yes to this, it’s not good for the dc

Just to give you some clarity on "normal anger" my partner has never once shouted at me, sworn at me or called me any kind of name, he has never threatened to hurt me, or damage my property or leave me. I do beleive he's threatened to not share his chocolate with me if I didn't make the tea. I'm not actually sure if he's ever been actually angry at me, I have seen him angry, never at me.

He has ONCE raised his voice slightly and shouted my name, as I went to stand on the wardrobe we were building and broke it and then apologised and fixed it for me.

The man who eventually tried to kill myself and my son otoh would shout at me, then it escalated to threats, then straight to trying to kill us. He was never stupid enough to hit me, that would have given me too much reason to leave.

Domestic abuse/violence is known to increase during a pregnancy. If he’s like this now, please leave. This may be the warning, the next time may be far worse. He scared you. No man should ever make you feel like that. It’s not a normal reaction to throwing away mouldy food. He’s taken away your bank card. This is financial abuse. He’s told you you cannot go shopping for more food. This is control.

That right there is 3 pretty serious warning signs. contact woman’s aid and ask their opinion. They have helplines.

Uou make it sound like this isn’t the first time he’s been like this’s again. Enough is enough. You can be a successful single mum. You don’t not need an abusive husband. You will be able to do this alone.

please seek help.

Are you playing this down somehow as it seems completely and utterly ludicrous to me that this man has gone 1-5000 over uneaten olives for the first time as an argument? If this is the case and he has lost his shit over something so pointless then you need to leave and now. How DARE he have this power over the mother of his children to make her pee through fear? Surely you must see that this isn’t right? You need to get him out and now and never ever look back. No marriage can survive an incident like this.

Op, are you okay and somewhere safe?

a very frightening read.
what a bastard

Playing it down is a normal response. No one wants their life upended over night.

When he shows his face he’ll be playing on this which is why she shouid act now.

The OP needs to understand the position she is in. Judgement is not helpful

Op this is truly awful. This will escalate if not dealt with . You need to think of the children first and foremost. Call the police and have this logged because you'll need all the support you can get moving forward. There is absolutely no coming back from this and you will be even more vulnerable once the baby is here. You wont be able to protect 3 children at once . Do something today to get the ball rolling on having him arrested

OP, please phone the police, they will remove him.This will give you time to contact Women's Aid or local domestic abuse groups.The only decision you need to make for now is to ensure that you, your children and unborn baby are safe-the way to do this, as others have said, is to tell the police, and either go to a safe place, or have family/friends/someone who can stay with you.Please also tell your midwife and get checked in case your waters have broken.

I was attacked in pregnancy, the trigger seemed to be financial control, and I wasted so many years trying to understand why my husband had done this, and how to make sure it never happened again.
I felt so overwhelmed I overthought things, didnt tell anyone apart from the police and took him back, as he said he would get the children in a divorce.
Fast forward many years, and it all started again, with abusive behaviour to me and finally towards my children -that's when I told the police, GP etc etc.
Please keep posting, please don't allow yourself to try to understand his behaviour or feel sorry for him or wonder what to do-just remember the look on his face, the threats to harm you and the removal of access to money.
And to threaten to break both arms of your pregnant wife is just unspeakable-he is a vile, dangerous, abusive excuse for a man.He will be counting on you not telling anyone-tell the police.

Please either go to GP or police and inform them what happened. You need that paper trail in case you need legal aid further down the line.

Threat of violence= crime
Taking your debit card= coercive control= crime
Abusive words and behaviour= crime

This ‘man’ doesn’t have any automatic right to stay in the home, because of what he has done, and the court will put the children first. His supposed financial ‘’power’ over you is in his head.
Report to police, get a solicitor, make sure it’s all documented. Locksmith, get them changed. Can someone trusted and preferably big, stay with you for a while? Stay strong and protect yourself. Don’t let him back in. As many others have said, it’s the thin end of the wedge.

There is no coming back from this, you have to understand it. He HATES YOU.

If this is genuinely out of character, I'd be worried about his health. There are some physical conditions that can trigger a sudden change in behaviour.

If this is an escalation of previous behaviour, then he's abusive.

Think about your children as they become more challenging as they grow up to HIS rules and Control and how would you feel if they also had to experience this type of threat from him, or what you would tell a friend or sister if they came to you with a similar experience. It can be really really hard to try and not excuse or minimise something so trivial as a blow up over olives but this is so worrying that his response wasnt a bit of a rant but to threaten you with extreme violence and then take away your financial autonomy. This is the actions of someone who will repeat this behaviour if you remain with him as he will be acutely aware he has crossed a boundary.. please look up the boiled frog scenario as I wouldn't be surprised if you have been sitting in slowly warming water for a while

If he's not normally like this, has he been under particular stress recently? It doesn't sound like he's really that angry about the olives - more like he was already wound up about something and the olives was the final straw. It's good to give him some time to cool off and maybe then you'll get some kind of explanation - or even an apology - from him. It must have been very frightening for you.

If this is completely out of character and out of the blue. I think k he should see his GP in case there is a neurological cause. But absolutely make sure you are safe first.

Please confide in someone irl, a best friend, your mum , the police just someone. So you aren’t alone.

I’ve shed a tear reading this. I suffered violent domestic abuse whilst pregnant so it made it all come back to me. Plus the threats and the financial part.

and you did not do anything wrong, never think it was you. These sorts of men will say it was you but it wasn’t. Don’t let him back in the house as I’m sorry to say but you are not safe with him.

He has a legal right to stay in the home until the police and / or court order otherwise.

It is potentially dangerous for her to try to keep him out by herself

It’s abusive. All abuse starts somewhere

I would buy another tub and literally piss in them. There you go mate, fill yer boots. Cunt.