To ask your perspective - sister unable to get home because she didn’t have bank cards with her and phone ran out of charge

[JennyWren5]

I could do with some perspective here please.

I met up with my sister today, and as we were both about to travel back to our respective homes (in the same city), she mentioned she didn’t have her bank cards with her and her phone was out of charge (her travel card was on her phone). She also had no phone charger.

This meant she couldn’t get home by Uber/other taxi service or by public transport (as it is cashless).

For context, she is often in this exact position - with me, with friends, with colleagues.

We are both adults with jobs and earning very similar salaries. And as far as I know, she is neurotypical (because I think people might ask this).

I’ve previously reminded her to take her bank cards with her and not just her phone, but she never does. I’ve now stopped reminding her because I can’t be bothered to. I’m angry that she seems to expect me to bail her out.

When I said I couldn’t help her today, she called me a selfish bitch and poured her takeaway coffee on the ground in front of me, spilling some on my shoes.

Was I harsh for not giving her a bank card so she could travel home? I didn’t have a phone charger on me.

It’s rubbish she done that and has previous for it. Throwing her coffee away and on your shoes is also a shitty move. She is out of order and owes you apology. Sorry you had to deal with that

Is there a big age gap between you with you being the older one? She sounds like your teenage daughter rather than sibling.

it’s difficult but I’m having to let my kids metaphorically fall flat on their faces sometimes before they’ll learn. Experience is sometimes the best teacher.

I wouldn't give her my bank card . If she was a really good friend I'd get her an Uber and keep pestering her to repay me, if she didn't I'd cut her out of my life. She's an adult- who goes out without the means to get home? The only time I ever did this I walked home- that's the reality, she needs a reality check.

Oh lighten up ! I can’t see the big deal, just help your sister out when she needs it.

it sounds like a weird relationship tbh, even your sister just buying her ‘own’ coffee,

If I went out with one of my siblings no way would we be buying our ‘own’ coffee or would leave the other one stranded.

I honestly can’t pathom some of the responses on here they are petty.

My Brothers have all helped me/looked out for me when I’ve needed it and guess what I would do the same back for them 100 times over.

Oh lighten up ! I can’t see the big deal, just help your sister out when she needs it.

Would you say the same to the sister when OP says she can't afford to repeatedly pay for phone banks, travel tickets etc and it'd help OP if she (the sister) carried one bank card?

Or would you tell the sister "nah, keep telling OP to fuck off when she asks about it "?

I would just help my sister out when she needed it ! Even if it was every week, her Sister obviously needs a bit of help.

its not about keeping scores when it comes to family.

Hello OPs DSis.

Doing this one or twice or even three times, fine- but this sister clearly goes out knowing she isn't going to pay for the return journey- that isn't help when she "needs" it that is demanding help.
People who refuse to take responsibility for themselves well into adulthood, are not "forgetful" or a little ditsy they are insisting everyone picks up the slack because they refuse to grow up- that is either bloody mindedness or a mental health issue- either needs to be dealt with.

Op my brother used to do stuff like this. To me and to lots of friends. It was awful and embarrassing as he had a reputation because of it.

one day I snapped and told him what I and others thought. He looked shocked. Said sorry and said he would always help someone out in that situation . I asked if he had ever been asked . He again looked shocked and stopped doing it. I couldn’t believe it. He just hadn’t realised it was the wrong way to behave. I know that sounds ridiculous…. But it’s true

any chance of this?

Organisation skills are executive functioning skills.and her lack of them show she could have some sort of send as pp said also the risky behaviour.

Any how id simply hold her at arms length for a whole and only meet in places like parents home or hers where her getting home doesn't become your responsibility

Christ sake she needs to grow up ..that’d drive me mad .
I mean that happening once or twice then I’d help out .
FWIW I normally use a small cross body bag that has everything I need in it which isn’t much and is hardly difficult to carry around .
Sometimes I just have my phone but the cover has 3 slots for cards ..I never rely on just my phone for payment .
And even my disabled adult child ( who has autism and has poor executive functioning but has a plan / routine to deal with this ) remembers to charge their phone and have their bank card + travel pass in their phone cover just in case they can’t charge phone when out and it loses power

She sounds like such a delight!!

irresponsible and rude!!!

Earlier in the thread you said you’d never leant her any money before? Now you have… so can you answer the original question? Did she pay you back?

I lent her my travel card once, which had some money pre-loaded onto it to travel on public transport in the city where we are. No, she didn’t pay me back.

The only way to get people like this to start behaving more responsibly is to stop bailing them out/thinking for them. The trouble is they rarely see it that way and just think it's everyone else with the problem.