To ask your perspective - sister unable to get home because she didn’t have bank cards with her and phone ran out of charge

[JennyWren5]

I could do with some perspective here please.

I met up with my sister today, and as we were both about to travel back to our respective homes (in the same city), she mentioned she didn’t have her bank cards with her and her phone was out of charge (her travel card was on her phone). She also had no phone charger.

This meant she couldn’t get home by Uber/other taxi service or by public transport (as it is cashless).

For context, she is often in this exact position - with me, with friends, with colleagues.

We are both adults with jobs and earning very similar salaries. And as far as I know, she is neurotypical (because I think people might ask this).

I’ve previously reminded her to take her bank cards with her and not just her phone, but she never does. I’ve now stopped reminding her because I can’t be bothered to. I’m angry that she seems to expect me to bail her out.

When I said I couldn’t help her today, she called me a selfish bitch and poured her takeaway coffee on the ground in front of me, spilling some on my shoes.

Was I harsh for not giving her a bank card so she could travel home? I didn’t have a phone charger on me.

What on earth!

Just stop engaging with her
If anyone told me fuck off I just wouldnt bother with them
Sound like a personality disorder

She paid with her phone.

Part of the problem is that she has a very high opinion of herself but is also very thin-skinned and sensitive and not very confident. It’s a mix of complacency/arrogance and lack of self-esteem.

She would have either got a taxi or public transport to get back home. She must have gone into a cafe, asked them to charge her phone and then bought something once her phone was charged, and then made her journey home.

I wouldn’t bother meeting her again

She sounds very chaotic and pretty insufferable, OP. I’d stop meeting her until she grows up.

Does she have a learning disability? Her behaviour sounds challenging.

Buy her a phone case with a bank card holder it in for her next birthday. Maybe stick one of those pre-paid visa cards in it with £10 credit.

If she was able to remember she probably would have started carrying it by now, so there is obviously some sort of difficulty here. It's easier to find a different solution Vs expect her to just randomly manage to change overnight.

OP says she has bought her lots of things to help and Dsis doesn’t use them. What makes you think she’d keep the case on? She clearly managed to get home fine and just expects OP to pay.

Then I guess all you can do is stop seeing her outside of the house, or where there’s a distance for her to travel. No matter how much of a prick my sister was (and she never would be) I wouldn’t leave her without a train ticket or charged phone.

When you’ve bailed in her out in the past does she pay you back straight away.

YANBU because you say this happens often.

I don’t carry cards, but would never leave the house with less battery than I know would last me the entire trip.

If she just got caught out one time, I would have said you’re BU, but if this is how she chooses to live her life then that’s on her - she needs to learn to literally live.

I also have a suspicion that she probably did have cards or did have charge - she just wanted to be a CF and ask you to pay. I’m assuming you bought the coffee?

She tells you to fuck off, there's no need to keep meeting up with this woman.

Thanks all.

As a few posters have asked, just to clarify again thaf she doesn’t have any SEN/disability as far as I know

I’m also not prepared to spend money on buying her wallets/card holders/phone chargers/power packs. This may sound heartless, but I just cannot do it anymore. I’ve bought her these things before and she hasn’t used them. I don’t have the money or will to keep on buying things she won’t use.

She’s my sister and I love her and enjoy her company. The way I deal with it is I just stand my ground when she swears at me or when her phone runs out of charge. I probably won’t meet up again with her for a while though.

I haven’t bailed her out in the past. I have bought her wallets etc though, but they were presents so I didn’t expect payment ofc.

Please read my previous posts, which answer all your questions. She only had her phone and keys with her - nothing else. She paid for her coffee with her phone before it ran out of charge.

It's not fair that she's repeatedly putting you in this position. If it was me, i'd speak to her and say that I didn't like it and didn't want to bail her out so frequently. I'd tell her I would help this time but if it happens again I won't be because it's not fair on me. Then next time to happened I wouldn't help, and it really is on her then.

Lots of major rail stations have a phone charger pay point now. I've have bought her half an hour's charge there and otherwise done exactly as @LadyCrustybread says.

I went to primary school with a boy who, when angered, would take off his glasses and stomp on them in a rage. Of course, he then couldn’t see very well, a short-sighted strop indeed (ba-dum tish). Your sister throwing her coffee on the floor (at you, to a degree given it splashed you?) reminds me of that; childish, disproportionate and something I’d not want to be around. She doesn’t have the excuse of being 6.
She seems a bit.. dense given this has happened before. She has a very easy solution to her problems within her grasp and yet she doesn’t take it. Also you say she regularly swears at you? I’d not be making the time to see her much, I don’t think.

Does she she bring house and car keys?

You say this has happened before. Does she leave everything at home when she goes to work?

Next time she asks you meet you just say no, you can't be bothered with all the drama. Leave her to grow up.

I had this happen ie my phone broke and I couldn't get home and nor could I phone anyone as I don't know anyone's phone number off my heart. I normally just carry a phone and no wallet as I feel it's less risky to have lots of different things that can be stolen. It was really upsetting ans luckily a kind TfL guy let me through the barriers so I could get home.
Surely she'd have paid you back if youd lent her a card.

I was going to say why doesn't she carry cash but then I saw that the public transport is cashless. You say she has power banks, what, more than one? what a waste not to use them,

If she has an iPhone there is something you can do in settings so that a phone can be used for approx a further 4 hours as a transport card even if the battery has run out. Might be worth making her do this?

This thread has shown the perils of a cashless society and always take a charger with you.

Eermm , she is obs doing this over and over so others pay her way. I know people like this. You taught her a lesson, hopefully she will stop being so cheeky now.