To ask your perspective - sister unable to get home because she didn’t have bank cards with her and phone ran out of charge

[JennyWren5]

I could do with some perspective here please.

I met up with my sister today, and as we were both about to travel back to our respective homes (in the same city), she mentioned she didn’t have her bank cards with her and her phone was out of charge (her travel card was on her phone). She also had no phone charger.

This meant she couldn’t get home by Uber/other taxi service or by public transport (as it is cashless).

For context, she is often in this exact position - with me, with friends, with colleagues.

We are both adults with jobs and earning very similar salaries. And as far as I know, she is neurotypical (because I think people might ask this).

I’ve previously reminded her to take her bank cards with her and not just her phone, but she never does. I’ve now stopped reminding her because I can’t be bothered to. I’m angry that she seems to expect me to bail her out.

When I said I couldn’t help her today, she called me a selfish bitch and poured her takeaway coffee on the ground in front of me, spilling some on my shoes.

Was I harsh for not giving her a bank card so she could travel home? I didn’t have a phone charger on me.

No, she didn’t. But later on, since the age of about 20/21, she’s perhaps needed more reassurance than me from my parents/me/other relatives/her friends.

I genuinely do enjoy her company.

She is really sweet, kind, funny and just overall brilliant company - and I love her so much.

It’s just this situation I find difficult and frustrating, because it affects her - and me, when I see her - and it has such a simple solution.

So what is the simple solution in your mind and the simple solution in her mind. Talk to each other.

my dds are similar, charging the phones last minute, living by the skin of their teeth.
my youngest actually has a power bank,
she got in trouble for charging her phone on the train in the plug not meant for public use.

when you meet her why dont you bring a spare charger but dont let her keep it.
her friends must also find her exhausting as well as your parents?
interesting it is a self esteem issue

@EleanorReally but are your DDs over 16?

Sounds like my sister. As a PP mentioned, also sounds like a personality disorder.

Disengage, you'll never get any sense out of her, or any thanks for your help.

Oh right. I see. You can have a money belt strapped round your waist under your clothes if you ever need to go somewhere where you could get stuck for money...like going on holiday etc. Im probably.older than you, so i still am in the habit of carrying a bag, though it is croas body and i dont live in a city so slightly less chance of being mugged perhaps. Good idea about the tenner .

yes

I generally always have a phone charger on me, which she uses. I didn’t have one on me yesterday though.

This sounds like my DS, from about mid 20’s he started to forget more things, mess things up, get anxious, lose keys, somehow break keys in the lock, lose debits cards, not cope with post, bills, paying things, get lost if he attempted a new journey which was rare. I thought this was just him and it went on for some time. I bought him new phones when he lost or broke them, asked him not to try and fix things in his flat as he’d break them and make them worse, bought him wallets, trousers with zips on the pockets, power banks and so on.
It came to a head in his mid 30’s and he’s been diagnosed with autism, ADHD, anxiety and depression.

You would be enabling this behaviour if you kept on helping. Its down to her to find a way to charge her phone eg in a phone shop, tesco, bar, police station, train station, wherever. Lesson learnt, hopefully. It must happen a lot these days, there will be a way to deal with it. I think cashpoints have a way of letting you have cash.

It must be bloody irritating, but you’d leave her stranded?
I would, if it was repeated behaviour with the expectation I would sort it out for them.
Actually I might buy them a power bank for their birthday!

Sh could have borrowed yours, asked in a cafe, walked to a taxi rank. Asked a stranger.

She isnt disorganised though is she? She can get out to meet you, she can pay for her coffee.

I wonder if theres a degree of doing this for attention, weaponised incompetence.

What happens on all the outtings without you? When she goes to work? Food shopping? Seems like she

People genuinely stuck, improve, feel embarrassment and dont swear and potentially scold their family members for not financing them

And do it again and again over how many times? If a grown adult can't make sure she has a phone that is charged so she can use her bank card to get home then she deserves to walk.

It was awful behaviour. I’ve been on the receiving end of similar when a relative was annoyed with me. I just didn’t have any contact with them after that. I believe they regretted what they’d done but I don’t need the hassle

Not unreasonable. She is used to treating you like an ATM. Had it been a onr-ogf, you could have called the uber and it would charge you ay the end of the journey, no card required. But it wasn't.

She'll have to walk. Once she finds herself in this position a few times, she'll start carrying a card. Noone should go out without a spare tenner and a card...just in case. As for your sister, the fact that she relies on the phone for everything invites the question, why not carry a portable charger? Also, as you are drinking takeaway coffee, guessing it is not that late at all. Go into a bar or a coffee shop, explain the situation, most staff will have a cable she could borrow for a bit of charge...enough to call a taxi home.

I have no sympathy for her.

Surely she just won’t carry that with her either 🤔

I merely suggested the power bank buying as the sister appeared to have no way of paying for anything. @Gassylady true

This isn't normal behaviour. Tell her to pursue an adhd diagnosis and only meet her near her house so she can walk home afterwards. If you were inclined to help her out you could order an uber on your account. Obviously make it clear she needs to repay the cost as soon as her phone is charged again.

You shouldn’t support her. She’s a grown up who needs to start acting like a grown up and that includes not sponging off other people and calling them names when she doesn’t get her own way. If people stop enabling her she’ll have to sort her life out.

My teen dd did this once, I had to buy a ticket on my bus app and send it to her pal, she learnt her lesson that day and keeps her bank card in her case or powerbank on her if travelling into the city.

I wouldn't have helped her either.

She’s a fool. I use Apple Pay all the time but i still pack a card on a day out. And i would find a way to recharge when i reached 10-20% battery

Sounds like she needed a little tough love to learn to be more responsible!
Not a nice lesson for her but perhaps a necessary one.

She wouldn’t be my kind of person to meet up with , don’t care if she’s family.
Her behaviour is shocking .