To ask your perspective - sister unable to get home because she didn’t have bank cards with her and phone ran out of charge

[JennyWren5]

I could do with some perspective here please.

I met up with my sister today, and as we were both about to travel back to our respective homes (in the same city), she mentioned she didn’t have her bank cards with her and her phone was out of charge (her travel card was on her phone). She also had no phone charger.

This meant she couldn’t get home by Uber/other taxi service or by public transport (as it is cashless).

For context, she is often in this exact position - with me, with friends, with colleagues.

We are both adults with jobs and earning very similar salaries. And as far as I know, she is neurotypical (because I think people might ask this).

I’ve previously reminded her to take her bank cards with her and not just her phone, but she never does. I’ve now stopped reminding her because I can’t be bothered to. I’m angry that she seems to expect me to bail her out.

When I said I couldn’t help her today, she called me a selfish bitch and poured her takeaway coffee on the ground in front of me, spilling some on my shoes.

Was I harsh for not giving her a bank card so she could travel home? I didn’t have a phone charger on me.

If I were you my solution to this situation would be to stop meeting up with her. Sounds like it’s a shit ton of aggro for little return. You can’t bail her out if you’re not around when she makes herself helpless and dependent.

Thiis. Not your problem.

You should read The Secret History by Donna Tartt, OP. There's a character in there who pulls the same sort of stunt in order to get other people to pay his restaurant bills.

In your sister's case, I doubt her phone was completely out of charge. She just thought she'd get you to pay, as usual. Sister or no, if someone called me a selfish bitch I'd never speak to them again. You should really reconsider your relationship if it's based on her abusing you if you don't bail her out financially.

Don't engage with anyone who tells you to fuck off and then expects you to bail her out. The absolute cheek of her.

Clearly she is a bit of a mess (and rude). But you say she’s always putting you in this position but you’ve never lent her any money.

So when this has happened before, what have you done? Have you never helped her out on the occasions she is without cash or a charged phone?

So you have never bailed her out but yet you are angry with her because she keeps doing this? It doesn't make sense, sorry.

She does sound chaotic (drugs? Psychiatric disorder?) but if you have never helped her out I think your reaction is a bit disproportionate.

But OP said she had never bailed her out - so how does that make the chaotic sister* *a CF?

It presumably has to get to the stage that she really feels stranded with no money? No-one to turn to? She may eventually realise that she needs to organise herself - but she probably won't because this is far more satisfying.

Why can’t she buy her own?

I always have a £20 note tucked in my 'phone case. I have had to use it several times.

Your sister sounds like a loon but could you not have booked her an Uber using your phone?

Why does she expect you to bail her out when you say you have NEVER bailed her out??

You’ve clearly tried! Some people just like to be difficult.

Blimey, OP, you are forbearing to the point of saintliness IMO! How dare she tell you to fuck off? Was she very spoilt/indulged as a child?

YANBU

Up to her. If she won't take her bank card then she's got no complaints

She gon’ learn today!

Couldn't you find somewhere to put some cgarfe in her phone - I've used McDs before now - but YANBU if she just expects everyone to fund her stupidity, though I wouldn't leave her to make her own way home either...

For context, she is often in this exact position - with me, with friends, with colleagues…And as far as I know, she is neurotypical (because I think people might ask)

This is not typical behaviour though for most people. If I had to guess I’d guess neurodivergent.

The other option is she’s very, very mean with money and is using this as a tactic to get money out of others. Which is odd in itself.

You know her best OP.
What age is she?
Unless recently neurodivergence has been significantly under-recognised in women.

Good for you.

Im confused - why did she expect you to lend her a bank card? I mean she doesn’t take hers out of the house. So why would she expect you to!

Why would you have given her a bank card?

All she needed was to charge her phone.

I might have helped with this.

Did she manage to get home safely?

Neurodiverse or not, she sounds like a petulant child!

When I said I couldn’t help her today, she called me a selfish bitch and poured her takeaway coffee on the ground in front of me, spilling some on my shoes.

Tells you all you need to know.

I'd be going no contact.

Your life will be better.

There's something wrong with her for sure, I would tell her she's not right in the head and to sort herself out before I meet up with her again.

I'm a bit confused by the fact that this appears to have happened a lot of times before, but you say you haven't bailed her out. So what has happened on the previous occasions?