How do you politely ask people not to use their phones at an event?

[Bluewhale01]

Hi
Long time lurker amd occasional poster!

I wanted to ask how we can prevent people from using their mobile phones at a big life event our parents.

We would like to put something on the invite that we would rather they were present in the moment, and would rather no phones were there. Dh is taking some photos along with a friend of ours (a professional photographer) There is a relative who will spend all their time texting family or phoning them at any event they attend,so they are our intended recipient of the message really.

What would you put on the invite? I want it to be quite clear and to the point without being rude ifyswim?

Hopefully someone will know how to phrase it.

I would not and have never been on my phone all evening, certainly in an intrusive manner. I actively listen to speeches, dance, drink eat and chat to guests, of course.

But I also wish to answer a text from the babysitter, or take a few photos, yes! without being explicitly told not to. That's OTT behaviour. Especially since it comes from the issue they have with just one person. If it were my grandparents (I dont have any) then I'd probably ignore the precious family member who demanded such a rule and use my phone scarcely as appropriate. They could ask me to leave if they want to continue to be awful. My family aren't like that though.

The person in question will sit at a table amd suddenly phone someone totally unrelated and start a face time chat about where they are etc and try and invilve those around them, which really irritates my parents and other family members.

My mother does exactly this. It’s a form of attention seeking and no amount of generic “be present” messages will register. She would see scrolling through Facebook (she doesn’t have and socials beacuse they are daft) as rude. She would see someone faffing with their hearing aid app (her sister does this) or using an app to book a taxi instead of phoning or using an electronic diary to check availability rather than carrying a paper one in their handbag as rather silly and attention seeking (my aunts hearing aid drives her nuts). She hates phones as timers and alarm clocks for some inexplicable reason and she detests “hey, Siri”. But she would see phoning an absolute randomer and “showing off” - “look at this lovely party I’m at - here is Susan - show Linda your dress Susan - look at who is here” - pans phone around “Alan! Alan! It’s Linda. I’m just telling her about your anniversary! Look at the garden Linda! Samantha, just move your head so Linda - this is my friend Linda who I worked with in 1972 - so Linda can see the garden. She wants to see your mum’s magnolia!” Etc etc until everyone’s attention is on her and poor Linda thinks her life is a parade of sophisticated garden parties as a completely desirable way to behave. She thinks everyone will be thrilled. There would be no point in saying it’s “unplugged” because that’s for doomscrollers, or saying “please don’t make calls” because that’s for people making work calls or at the very least,, people who aren’t her. She would need A- explicit, firm, and direct telling and B- removal of WiFi.
You are trying to solve a problem that doesn’t exist (people checking they haven’t missed a call from the dog sitter or their boss or people checking their diary, hearing aids or booking a taxi) and think that will have a knock on effect of solving a problem that does exist (someone trying to constantly shift focus onto themselves) and it won’t work.
People will want to take their own photos though.

Same @Nickyknackered… wonder if they’d have a big lockup box to make people put their phones in on arrival… would they take responsibility if one was stolen or broken?
or would it be someone’s job to police the guests?…. “Aunt Dora….put down the phone… PUT DOWN THE PHONE OR YOU ARE OUT OF HERE!!”

Then you rope in a couple of guests to run i interference. And tells that person in advance

It isn't even just hearing aids - it's also people with diabetes. Very many of them have a pump or use a Libre, which is connected to a phone app that warns them if their sugars are going out of range. You really can't mess with that.

@Bluewhale01 , if the event is on at 19:00 hours, I'll be listening to The Archers via my phone, whether you like it or not. I can't wear headphones.

Are you being serious? You listen to it live wherever you are?

I was at an event recently where all phones were placed into a yondr pouch on the way in. In case anyone doesn't know it's a sealed pouch. We had to get someone to open it before leaving like an electronic tag from a shop. When they scanned the ticket we got a paper receipt because obviously we could no longer access phone tickets. There was something really special about not seeing any phones in the crowd. Like we were all a bit freer. I think (hope) that will be the way forward. If it is, it will be much easier to ask people to not have their phones out, it will be more a social norm at a large gathering

Of course, and as I am hard of hearing, it needs to be loud.

I’ve used one of these at a spa. No issues. At a party? Bonkers. I wouldn’t go.

I can’t believe anyone was tragic enough to report my poem. It was only a bit of fun!

What difference does that make?

@AnnieLummox , you'd turn down an invitation to your grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary party because you'd want to be able to use your phone freely?

You could put it on DND and check it discreetly and go somewhere quiet if it you genuinely needed to use it (e.g. babysitter).

Seems you have to have had a humour bypass operation to open a Mumsnet account these days.

I rarely come here anymore to AIBU or Chat. It's less and less distinguishable from a Daily Mail comments thread with every visit.

It was a beautiful poem.

I swear down on me nan's grave it wasn't me. I saw it as a joke, honestly!

I wouldn’t turn down the invitation. But if I got an invitation from, say, my aunt that said I wasn’t allowed to take any pictures during the whole party because they were all being taken by her husband and his friend, I’d think she was being an uptight pain in the arse.

Were you friends of the bride and groom? Seems a pleasant and reasonable request for people not to keep photographing and videoing one at one’s own wedding. (Tbh, you don’t sound especially friendly.)

I’d probably still go, but I’d be thinking that whoever came up with the “live in the moment” rule was a colossal twat.

Talking of sense of humour bypasses… 😂

Lady Rough-Diamond was a brilliant character played by Joan Sims in Carry On Up the Khyber.

A genuine cultural treasure.

Agree! Perfect example of a green ink letter writer!