How do you politely ask people not to use their phones at an event?

[Bluewhale01]

Hi
Long time lurker amd occasional poster!

I wanted to ask how we can prevent people from using their mobile phones at a big life event our parents.

We would like to put something on the invite that we would rather they were present in the moment, and would rather no phones were there. Dh is taking some photos along with a friend of ours (a professional photographer) There is a relative who will spend all their time texting family or phoning them at any event they attend,so they are our intended recipient of the message really.

What would you put on the invite? I want it to be quite clear and to the point without being rude ifyswim?

Hopefully someone will know how to phrase it.

If I was going to an event I wouldn't get my phone out as I know it is rude. People shouldn't need to be told it's obvious.

there is no polite way to put it.
Just put it.

However: don't use the utterly shit expression "present in the moment". I am perfectly present in the moment, use my phone as a camera and an an adult. I am perfectly capable of not using my phone when asked. On the other hand "present in the moment" is likely to make me say "thanks, no thanks, have a lovely party"

As you can see from some of the previous posts, many people find a polite request not to be on the phone for a defined period of time, to be an outrageous imposition on their liberty. They will come up with all sorts of reasons (see above) as to why they simply have to be contactable.
My job involves training groups of NHS staff and even though we politely ask them not to- and they agree not to during a discussion of ground rules at the beginning of the day- many still get their phones out. There are breaks AM and PM, plus an hour off at lunchtime, but no, they still have to look at them throughout the day, even though they are at work. I firmly believe that many are in denial about being literally addicted to checking their phones. Good luck.

There is no way to phrase it without sounding like a nut.

it's not that i find it impinges on my liberty. It is the utterly twatty "present in the moment"

If you don't want people taking photos - for whatever reason: be clear about that
if you want them to put the phone on silent - be clear about that
If you prefer people not to be scrolling facetagram - make the event interesting

ETA: also, are there likely to be people there who have babysitters or other carers stepping in for the duration? it would be cuntish to tell them to not look at their phone at all.

We've had people on here arguing that it's cool to whip your phone out at the cinema and theatre, never mind at a planned and organised family event. People really do need told.

My mother can’t be off her phone for a single second and would assume any instructions didn’t apply to her. The only thing is be direct and literally tell her off. A generic message wouldn’t land - they are for other people who are rude - not for her who is just making a call or texting someone. She will literally make a call when you are already on the phone with her. At an event she will want to call people to tell them she is at the event. She would also “I want MY OWN photos! Not whatever John is telling me I want!”. The only thing is to put your foot down with a firm hand. If your person is just casually thoughtless or disinterested you may have better luck.

There's no way to ask without sounding like a controlling twat, because it's a controlling and twattish thing to ask.

Fine to ask for no photos to be posted on social media, and no photos during a ceremony.

I can't believe think it's controlling but that's where we are. People hate having anything asked if them. Those saying they wouldn't go - you wouldn't be a miss if you can't get off tiktok for half an hour.

Many people are addicted to their phones. Hence the howls of outrage on this thread.

It's completely reasonable to not want a special event spoiled by people compulsively and mindlessly scrolling or blocking other people's view while they compulsively film stuff. Most phone addicts seem to lack the self awareness to recognise that their behaviour is spoiling events for others around them

I think if you put the request on the invitation, the kind of people who behave like this at events won't read it or remember. You would probably need to raise it on the day too/instead.

But none of those things are so urgent that they have to be done at that moment.

i only wouldn't go if they used one of the "present in the moment" type phrases because they are a bit twatty.

As pp have said: put the word round, have people on alert for aunty doris or cousin julian doomscrolling or disturbing people around them chatting or listening to something.

And say "no photos please we have an official photographer"

Or perhaps those NHS people have more going on in their personal and professional lives than you can imagine, things that cannot wait till your next designated break-- as riveting as your PowerPoint undoubtedly is?

Perhaps just don't invite the rude relative?

Unfortunately I can think of a dozen reasons why people might want phones with them, that would not affect the day, and there isn't really a way to say "we would like our guests not to spend all the time glued to their phones as it's incredibly rude" without being literally as blunt as that (which is of course an option, as most people who it doesn't apply to will be fine).

No, no they shouldn't and yet here we are. I HATE mobile phones with a passion and yet am as addicted to mine as the rest of the sorry population. (And no, I'm not on mine now, this is from a laptop).

Read the OP again. DH is not the professional photographer. You've got this wrong twice now.

Think it might depend on the events and what you mean. Do you not want people taking pictures? Not want people taking calls. Not wanting people idly scrolling on their phones while your dear child is doing a dance recital context is pretty important here

You can't bar people from physically having a phone on them. But you can clearly state something like -

'We have a no photos policy in place as we want everyone to enjoy the moment. So we politely request you do not take pictures with your phones. There will be a couple of professional photographers on hand to capture the day. We appreciate your co-operation on this.'

I don't use my phone at events but I don't see how you can word this nicely or even politely. People are going to laugh at you. I personally agree with the sentiment but I wouldn't tell people what to do.

Alternatively people could behave respectfully. Since when was it socially acceptable to declare that someone's event is boring you and disengage?

I was at the theatre recently at a sold out highly rated production and the person in front of me kept compulsively getting their phone out to scroll random shite - which spoiled things for us because every time their screen lit up and started being waved around in our sight line it was a distraction that pulled us away from the performance we were trying to enjoy.

Was that shitty behaviour the theatre's fault for being "uninteresting" or the individual's fault for being a disrespectful and inconsiderate twat?

Maybe something like "Discreet phone use appreciated please, as we're hiring a professional photographer to capture the occasion and don't want photos of people hidden behind their phones"??

If it’s adults then they have to regulate their own behaviour, if they can’t then that’s on them. It would be a bit like asking them not to behave inappropriately in any other way, like you wouldn’t put that they have to wash their hands before the buffet, but many won’t!

How about showing someone photos? If someone asks how your grandchild is, would it be ok to show them an actual physical photo, but not to show them a photo on your phone?

or to share holiday photos?
or to look up the address of the nice B and B you stayed in a few months ago as someone is asking?
or to record the contact details of someone at the party that you didn't previously know but would like to meet again?

or to quickly check your diary to see if you are free on Tuesday in 3 weeks time?
or to want to have points for your speech (assuming there will be speeches) listed on your phone?
or to check if there are any public transport delays so you can time your departure accordingly?

I am guessing OP probably doesn't mean any of these "quick check" type things - they don't detract from the event. But "no phones" will mean they are not possible.

Or perhaps they're really bloody rude and have the attention span of a two year old.

Just be blunt.

"Auntie Adrienne has put her blood, sweat and tears into this production of A Streetcar Named Desire, performed by her beloved tabby cats Tara and Tiddles in full authentic period costume. Put your phones away and drink in every drop."