How do you politely ask people not to use their phones at an event?

[Bluewhale01]

Hi
Long time lurker amd occasional poster!

I wanted to ask how we can prevent people from using their mobile phones at a big life event our parents.

We would like to put something on the invite that we would rather they were present in the moment, and would rather no phones were there. Dh is taking some photos along with a friend of ours (a professional photographer) There is a relative who will spend all their time texting family or phoning them at any event they attend,so they are our intended recipient of the message really.

What would you put on the invite? I want it to be quite clear and to the point without being rude ifyswim?

Hopefully someone will know how to phrase it.

I don’t think there is a way to put it politely on the invites.

You could ask that nobody take photos on the day of the event - you are totally fine to do that. But it is oddly controlling to not want anyone to use their phone. Who cares if this relative will be on their phone all the time, maybe they hate family occasions or find social situations hard.

I'd be quite happy not to use my phone during an event but I can't imagine how you could word it that would not put me off attending. If I wasn't super close to you and understood your actual reason, then I wouldn't go.

Can you not just address it directly with the relative in question?

You can’t ask this. It’s not reasonable to try to control and direct your guests’ behaviour in this way. I’d be irritated by someone sitting on their phone at my party too, but there are various ways people can behave badly and you can’t issue instructions in advance to cover all these.
I might say something like ‘hey, put your phone down and come and chat!’ if I knew them well enough.

Not sure the issue here? Are they making loud calls? Are they using their phone at the table? In which case just allocate someone to manage them on the day. Or tell them yourself - I sometimes say to my dad “you’re worse than a teenager” if he uses his phone at the table when we’re having a nice meal . But he’s my dad and I can say that!

You really can’t put it in the invite - it’s weird , passive aggressive and controlling. I would be very pissed off if I got that in an invite! Even worse if you do it in “a nice poem” 🫣🤣

I wouldn't go. Not because I'm attached to my phone, but because it's weirdly controlling. You think none of your guests will be waiting for test results from the GP / selling a house / have kids they need to be available for / wanting to check the football scores / on call for work / keen to Google info about a place or TV series that a fellow guest just told them about? Etc etc.

It's a ridiculous thing to ask.

I'd be ok with not using my phone but would it really bother you that much if some of the guests do?

I get the 'living in the moment' at a concert or something but what sort of event is this?

An anniversary party or something?

Also, it may come across as though your professional photographer DH, is just looking to sell his photos.

It’s relatively common for people to ask others not to take pictures during a “moment” like vows or speeches etc.
But I think it’s odd to ask people to not use their phone at all throughout the whole event. What if they want to take a picture that a photographer won’t? Not in a bad way, just a quick informal “I haven’t seen you in ages we must get a picture!” type of moment that you’re not going to get the professional photographer to take.

And as for asking them not to pick up their phone at all, I don’t think that can be done in a polite way. And I don’t think it’s reasonable at all. Yes this one person might spend too long texting, but really, that’s their loss if they miss the event, just ignore it. Other people might need to check their phone for any number of reasons. I agree with the PP who called in controlling.

Just steal the individuals phone - give it back when it's time to leave
No point upsetting everyone when it's only one person you're bothered about

We went to a wedding a few months back and the couple had put a sign walking into the venue that they wanted to see faces and not screens, so please put phones away for the day and leave them there. It really worked well, and it was lovely to see people present in the moment rather than videoing it.

The last couple of times we've seen Coldplay live Chris Martin gets everyone to put their phones away for one song so he's not looking at a sea full of screens.

You could politely ask guests to please turn off their phones to prevent interuptions and posts to social media.
You could also inform them of the official photographer and that guests will be invited to take a private photo when the cake is cut, if they wish. Otherwise, please refrain from taking photos.

Make the request in advance, be polite, written and succinct.
Remind guests soon after the party begins - then you have to just go with whatever happens.

Make a point of sending guests photos in which they appear.

It's an odd and controlling thing to ask. It would put me off going.
Why does it bother you so much that the person is always on their phone?

What kind of event/occasion is it? Sounds like your parents, maybe a wedding anniversary meal? If it’s a sit down meal and it’s being paid for by you/your parents then I think it’s reasonable to politely ask for no phones at the dinner table.

You absolutely can request no phones and no photos but I wouldn't couch it in 'present in the moment' terms, they would put me off more than a no-phones request. I would probably do something like on the invitation say you ask that people keep their phones away between the hours of x and x, and then have a reminder notice on the way in. You can't enforce it but of course you can request it.

Entirely depends on the type of event. A funeral fine, a wedding or party not fine.

If people are using childcare or pet sitters, elderly or sick relatives, maybe a baby is imminent, worker on call, waiting for a job offer or appointment. Very unreasonable to expect people to be uncontactable.

Also, yes you're taking photos but what if guests what photos of themselves. My young adult children all dressed up doesnt happen often, me and my sister in law like pics togther, my dad and my brother doing a funny dance etc....

But then Chris Martin is also known for being weirdly controlling. It would put me off your event. Not because I wanted to sit in my phone but because I don’t like being told how to behave.

Its quite common for people to ask guests not to use phones during a ceremony or event.
Its often included in the invitation.

Extremely rude of people to use a phone during a ceremony of any description.

Just make a clear point in the event when its acceptable for phone use and pictures.

If someone is waiting for a call then surely that can just absent themselves and return it? There's no need for anyone to be in an event on their phone.

Fuck me people really think a polite request is controlling.

I think it has to be more in terms of phones on silent please. I cannot stand people who let their phoned ring out, loudly, in the middle of an event. Theatres ask for phones on silent and so can you. People allowing phones to ring are the rude ones. People are addicted to phones and sadly that shows!

People usually do not have their phones out at parties that I have noticed, except to take a picture.
It would be okay to politely ask but probably unnecessary.

Your problem is one fellow. Does he report on social media about where he is? Could you just ask him not to share?
If he speaks loudly, continually on the phone or is always to the side, texting, why invite him? Leave him off the list.

The problem could also be the OP's DH wanting to sell photos, rather than letting people take their own.

It wouldn’t bother me, but more contact is required if it’s just during speeches or a cermony or all the time.

Who is the person that just can't keep off their phone?

Please enjoy our parents event, be with us in spirit as well as body and if you can, leave your phone in your pocket or handbag. We have a professional photographer and will share photos after the event.

Actually it’s becoming more and more common for phones to be banned at music events to the extent that some artists demand that phones be handed in beforehand and retrieved after.

And whatever people’s opinions are on that, it works.

I think the fact that people are so defensive of the possibility of not being able to use their phone for a couple of hours tells us everything we need to know about the need for people to be more reliant on inanimate devices than communicating with actual human beings in the real world.