How do you politely ask people not to use their phones at an event?

[Bluewhale01]

Hi
Long time lurker amd occasional poster!

I wanted to ask how we can prevent people from using their mobile phones at a big life event our parents.

We would like to put something on the invite that we would rather they were present in the moment, and would rather no phones were there. Dh is taking some photos along with a friend of ours (a professional photographer) There is a relative who will spend all their time texting family or phoning them at any event they attend,so they are our intended recipient of the message really.

What would you put on the invite? I want it to be quite clear and to the point without being rude ifyswim?

Hopefully someone will know how to phrase it.

I have been to a wedding where we were asked to put our phones away and not take photos. I wasn’t upset about it and neither was anybody else.
Even if you put it on the invitation you will have to remind people at the event.
I was at at funeral a couple of weeks ago when I suddenly realised that I hadn’t turned my phone off. 😱

a party is a totally different thing to a theatre, as you know.

And - meh, if it is a family wedding and you have teenagers there, they might get bored. What is better: theatrically doing an "i'm booorrreeed" Kevin-style, or get their phone out and look at that?

Of course people shouldn't use their phones, but the utterly trite "be in the moment" is twatty. It puts me off people who say that. If i'm bored, i'm an adult, i am likely to suck it up, or go outside depending on event. If i'm there as a teenager against my will? not so much.

OP I understand completely where you are coming from. Mobile phones have destroyed good manners. It is not controlling to want people to be 'present' at an event they have been privileged to be invited to. However, apart from no photos request, I'm not sure how you can stop it happening. They are the ones missing out. Exception would be if someone was expecting an emergency call.

My partner and another friend access their controls to their hearing aids through an app on their phones. During the speeches, this is the most important time for them to have access to their phones.

Exception would be if someone was expecting an emergency call.

Are emergency calls things that we typically have advance notice of?

How about:
As this party is for us as a family to celebrate their Golden Anniversary, can we please switch off our phones for the afternoon and focus on Mum and Dad and everything they have done for us. Thanks.

Simply state on the invite that the event will be a "mobile phone free event" If folk don't like it they don't have to attend. There is nothing more rude and ill mannered as people staring at a screen when they are at a social event. As for those that have such bad anxiety that they can't cope without a screen, stay at home and don't upset yourself. As for those that have children that can only behave when they have a screen screeching at them, stay at home, nobody wants you there to spoil the event for everyone else.

I wouldn’t take my phone out at a special occasion, certainly not during important ceremonial parts or speeches etc. I might discreetly check my phone during a ‘in betweeny’ bit if it was something important I needed to check on, like whether my mentally unwell son has tried to contact me. But, like a few others here, I’d be very pissed off at being told I wasn’t allowed to look at my phone. I think you’re better letting grown adults decide whether or not they want to be ‘present in the moment’. If the fact they are likely to be on their phones overrides your desire to have them there, then don’t invite them. You shouldn’t try to micromanage people.

OP, I think, has a relative who will make and take phone calls at times when it is impolite to do so.

I used to have a dentist who had a prominent sign up in the treatment room because patients would take calls during treatment.

Sounds great. How wonderful for everyone to be “present” at the wedding.

I was at a ballet last year and there was the same request, until the curtain came down and thank yous, when it was allowed.

❤️ it! 😊

Hi Vicky n David, how are you after your sons post.
Are you worried pics get posted on t'internet and Hello will withdraw payments from you?

🙄🙄🙄

completely irrelevant to this thread.

But teenagers (like children) surely have to LEARN to deal with quietness and “boredom” sometimes ie. not being totally stimulated all the time. It’s part of life and can be a pleasant one if it is relaxing as well. Otherwise how can they learn??

There is no polite way of asking this - it's controlling behaviour - the guests are not props - they're free agents and will do the normal things people do at big family events, including filming and taking photos.

This, are you going to tour the room
ensuring that people aren’t talking to each other, and only to your parents? Or making sure the only topic is your parents? If your parents are at the top table speaking to Aunt Mabel, does it matter their great-niece is whatsapping her best friend from school at a table in the corner?

I was also at a ballet last year when my 90 year old friend was loudly and roundly told off for getting her phone out to adjust her hearing aid. Other people use apps to monitor their insulin etc. I think we need to remember that people use phones for a lot of different reasons.

Mumsnet is full of people who don’t answer their door….here is not the place to ask. It’s totally fine to state you’re hoping for as phone free an event as possible. Maybe stick those little disposable cameras on the table for people to use? Those are quite fun and keep people from reaching for their phone to take a pic.

I went to a wedding two years ago where we were asked not to photograph/ use our phones .I didn't find it at all controlling .I didn't give it a second thought Everyone adhered to the request and we had a wonderful day.

Oooh well that's me well and truly told.

Sorry Miss 🤣

Ok, just for you...

"Dh is taking some photos along with a friend of ours (a professional photographer)"

It could be that the DH and his professional photographer friend want to charge for the photos.

Better? 🙄

I went to a wedding a few years ago where the bride and groom had wording along the lines of:
“We have a professional photographer booked to capture our special day and are happy to share pictures once they are available. We, therefore, ask that guests relax, enjoy the moment and avoid posting on social media.”

In hindsight this, along with the location, security measures and some very odd conversations with other guests left me convinced that at least some of the wedding party worked for MI5. But that’s another story.

@rizz, don't be that person. @Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g is a kind, pleasant, intelligent MNer and you come across as being unpleasant.

This sounds good to me. But then, I have been shocked by most of the responses on this thread, where there seems to be general outrage at not being able to be on your phone whenever you want, with tenuous justifications as to why it is essential to be welded to your phone at all times.

Of course you were dear.

That's why I said it depends on the event. A ceremony, of course I would have it on silent and would call or text back later.

A party or reception, i expect to be able to freely send a message, take a photo of my family, check my calendar if making a plan to meet up with a fellow guest, google a song title....

OP hasn't said what the event is so hard to say.