How do you politely ask people not to use their phones at an event?

[Bluewhale01]

Hi
Long time lurker amd occasional poster!

I wanted to ask how we can prevent people from using their mobile phones at a big life event our parents.

We would like to put something on the invite that we would rather they were present in the moment, and would rather no phones were there. Dh is taking some photos along with a friend of ours (a professional photographer) There is a relative who will spend all their time texting family or phoning them at any event they attend,so they are our intended recipient of the message really.

What would you put on the invite? I want it to be quite clear and to the point without being rude ifyswim?

Hopefully someone will know how to phrase it.

Well, there’s a difference between ‘getting your phone out’ to sort your hearing aid and holding it up in front of you to video and take photos!!!! That was the announcement I mentioned at the ballet. Between this and a man in grubby jeans spreading his knees out next to me “on me” as Brooklyn would say and the couple in front jabbering at each other, sometimes hard to focus! Mind you the ballet wasn’t very good so it wasn’t the end of the world. Some of this is just ignorance and selfishness, maybe some of it “main character syndrome”.

Incidentally, at the end, a couple of people couldn’t resist doing exactly this - the photo taking - even though told not to.

Are they?

Well they've kept it very well hidden on this thread!

They've offered absolutely nothing to the OP and instead chose to make their ONE post being arsy to me.

If that's your idea of 'kind, pleasant and intelligent', I despair.

Isn’t this like a whole class punishment for one person’s behaviour?

I have been to two events recently - a play at the theatre and a concert at the Bridgewater Hall where I have been sat just behind someone who was constantly on their phone adjusting their hearing aid. Like it was out for 50% of the time and the screen was on full brightness.

It was just as distracting and annoying as someone recording the performance or scrolling the Internet, but I felt I couldn’t complain about it to them.

I wanted to though

I think you need to remember OP that this event is only really special for you and family so I’m sure if you just put a little request to limit phone use that is all you could do .. You will probably see more phones than you hope but don’t let it ruin the day .

Why on earth would you think I made this up? This really did happen. That experience changed how I feel about people having access to phones and made me think about how we use them now. It extends to children having access to phones in schools. Apps aren’t just about social media and communication they’re fundamental now in monitoring healthcare.

Just politely asks guests to keep mobile phone use to a minimum to encourage social interaction etc. I imagine most courteous/non-phone-addicted people will be happy to comply.

'Prevent' sounds a bit draconian and you don't want put yourself in the position of feeling like you have to police the event.

@Rizzz , she's been on here for a long time and is known to many on threads on a certain topic. She has gone out of her way to be helpful on that topic, and she is highly regarded on there.
I've seen a few of her posts on other topics too, and she's a good person.

I might not always agree with her nor her with me, but it's always been amicable.

(Waves at Gasp.)

Thank goodness I don't have one is all I can say. 🙄

You can’t. People are completely addicted and weirdly defensive about it.

Welcome to the 21st century, it’s crap.

@HarrietofFire , nobody is asking people to switch off their hearing aid or insulin monitoring app, they're asking people to not scroll, post, film or have phone conversations. Some people behave like twats with their phones.

I'd have thought whoever told off the 90-year old should have had more sense but in a dimly lit theatre her age might have not been obvious.

This is what I was what i was thinking about really. Its a big anniversary and its a smallish party which will be held outside. Most of the guests are my parents age, so they wont bother with phones. The person in question will sit at a table amd suddenly phone someone totally unrelated and start a face time chat about where they are etc and try and invilve those around them, which really irritates my parents and other family members.
Maybe the answer is to ensure the WiFi is off as our 4g signal is very poor (very rural area)

Maybe the answer is to ensure the WiFi is off as our 4g signal is very poor (very rural area
Yes, and have a word with the Facetimer before the event.

I hadn't thought of that! My dad's aren't connected to his brick phone.
Hmm I had originally thought the WiFi could go down but obviously it can't as I do t know who has hearing aids and who doesn't!!

I think the only answer is to say to this person that we find her constant facetiming intrusive and could she wait till after the event amd remind them as they arrive. She certainly wont be getting the WiFi code and our 4g signal is very poor outdoors.

Since it's an event for your parents I'm assuming anniversary or big birthday?

Maybe you could tie the request to that - say something like "To preserve the 1970s theme we are restricting the use of modern technology like phones during the event. There will be a professional photographer to capture the moment so no need to take your own photos. Please turn phones off unless you need to be contacted in an emergency".

You could actually have some kind of safe place for people to leave phones during the event, and pose it as being a social experiment to get back to a past time when life was simpler.

All these reasons for using a phone are why the ‘ooo the 21st century is terrible and everyone is addicted to their phones’ people are wrong.
Phones have just provided a convenient way to do a whole range of things that people have always done.
They might have brought photos to a family party anticipating people wanting to see how their children/grandchildren are getting on, or of an interesting holiday they’ve taken - now they are on our ph9ne.
They would have had addresses of places they’ve been and mutual contacts plus facility to joy down the info in a small address book - now it’s on our phone.
They might have taken out a physical diary to arrange a further meet up with someone - now it’s on our phone.
If making a speech, they’d have written notes on paper - now it’s on the phone.
We might have brought colouring or comics for children - now the phone has games.
All that behaviour has happened at parties for generations, it just looks like it’s all about ‘phone use’ now.

There are a few things which are more convenient now that we couldn’t easily do before - checking public transport, being available in an emergency without having to give everyone venue details in advance, for eg - which it would be pretty churlish to resent.

Mindless scrolling - yeah, dull and rude at an event, but I’m not sure how much it impinges on others since few would do it at a party.

I don't think there's a way to put this on invitations without sounding weird and off putting.
The person in question sounds rude to the point where they would ignore the request anyway, so you risk offending others for no reason.

Yep, do this.

Hardly an insurmountable problem though and no reason not to reasonably request that rude people don't make phone calls during the event

WiFi won’t affect hearing aides. They connect to phones via Bluetooth not WiFi.

Yes I think it's best to have a direct word with her and explain that you would turn off the wifi but you obviously can't for the reasons given.

Hopefully that will make her stop and think.

In lots of nicer venues, it's not permitted to take calls or use your phone unless you're using a specific room (or a booth in the lobby).

Would that be a possible compromise? No phones permitted in the bar or restaurant, if you need to take a call please use <whatever> space?

Not bum licking, I've known her well on MN for years.

Why are you so intent on making this thread all about you?

Charge who, that's got to be an extremely unlikely thing for anyone to think