DD banned from NYC trip

[Chickenwinger]

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

Sorry op but your daughter had her chances. She didn't behave and that's why she's been barred from the school trip. Yes I expect there are certain circumstances but....the buck stops with her

Exactly right. If they said she'd run off in NYC you'd go mad Op and blame the teachers for putting her at risk. Take this opportunity to teach your DD better coping skills, running off isn't the answer

Take your rose-tinted specs off and read your post again.
She not only makes life difficult and worrying for the teachers, but spoils it for the other students.
You’d be very quick to complain if she went on an unsupervised paddy in NY on her own.

It’s her own fault, she’s had multiple chances. They can’t risk her walking off in NY which seems highly likely.

sorry but, that is a stupid idea. She Knew the potential consequences still acted up and has had the trip cancelled.

Any trip organised by family to soften the blow during NYC trip will be seen as a weakness and played upon. All events and trip should be cancelled for the foreseeable future as punishment.

As for the mother wanting to complain to the school well clearly your little princess is very spoilt by you and you husband is spot on

I actually think it’s a good life lesson for her. How dare she behave like that on school trips.

No way would I take her anywhere (teacher myself.) I used to take three coach loads of secondary pupils from south Wales to London to the theatre and everyone had a fantastic time that they would always remember. Imagine having it spoilt by someone like that. The staff have to complete a risk assessment and on that basis she would not be able to go as her behaviour poses too much risk.

I can only imagine the sighs of relief in the staffroom (and probably from a fair number of students) when the decision was made that she couldn't go. Let us hope she uses this as a wake up call rather than even more of an excuse for bad behaviour.

100%. Mum will probably book a trip to NYC to cheer up the poor princess who has been treated so unfairly 🙄

You won't like these responses @Chickenwinger but it's giving you an opportunity to see the issue as others see it. Your DD's school is actually doing her a favour with this. She's seeing it as their being horrible, and no doubt you do too. But your DD needs to learn that you just won't get away with this behaviour in the real, adult world. The world of school is far more cossetting than the world of employment, your DD won't get special treatment out there. She needs a dose of reality to help her realise this.

Has she stopped to think for a moment on how her behaviour impacts on others, and how they must feel having to deal with her and the situations she creates? You said "it was clear that she’d been provoked" as if that somehow makes a huge difference, and it doesn't because she's not five, she's 15!

I bet you didn't put this in AIBU because you didn't want to risk being told you're BU. But you are, and you're not helping your DD - the school IS! They're doing their job properly. Of course your DD is upset about it, but she needs to learn a very valuable lesson. She sounds quite volatile aside from her awful behaviour on trips. What are you doing to address that?

DS was banned from a trip abroad due to poor behaviour on a previous trip in the UK. It was the right decision.

The staff cannot be responsible for her, unfortunately it would be too much of a liability for them.

YABVU.

Sounds like your reactions may be why she's developed this response when things don't go her way. Your dh is correct and you need to grow a backbone and show your dd actions have consequences otherwise this will only get worse.

Do not make excuses for her (she was provoked), and support the school.

She's 15; she needs to take responsibility for her own actions and she needs to learn to regulate her emotions in a better way.

Serves her right - great lesson . Her storming off would be dangerous in New York why should teachers be responsible for that sort of behaviour

team school and team DH

as to your daughter totally FAFO as the kids say, hopefully she will learn

School is quite right.

She blew it.

No more chances in a city like NY.

Her behaviour has proved again and again that it's too risky to take her abroad.

As a parent I would be wholeheartedly agreeing with the schools decision. I wouldn't want my child putting themselves at risk in this country let alone a different country.

It would be unfair to put that responsibility and pressure on teachers too. Taking other people's children away is an enormous responsibility and not one that is taken lightly. The school have done the right thing.

Intros are always dependent upon behaviour. Waking if in a city in this country is not acceptable let alone abroad where she will ruin the trip for everybody. I can’t even believe you would want her on that trip if she can’t behave properly.’

I’m a teacher. Would I take a child with the proven record yours has on any further trip - in this country, let alone abroad? Not a chance in hell.
And you want to complain? Bring it on, lady!

Am amazed that you would be prepared to let her travel abroad given you cannot trust her to remain with the responsible adults. Personally, I’d have said she wasn’t allowed to go a long time ago.

The school have made a decision based on their ability to safeguard the children in their care and concluded your child is a liability. This is on her.

And you - do you always rush in to try and bend the world around her poor behaviour? She needs to learn to self-regulate without a parent rushing in to fix things, I’m afraid. You do her no favours by interfering and not backing the school’s decision.

The school hasn't been heavy handed. You shouldn't be trying to undermine their perfectly reasonable decision.

If anything happened in NY you'd be blaming the school.

All our school trips come with warnings of only going if show good behaviour.
She has her warnings, you get the money back. All sorted.

My DP is a teacher. If a kid stropped off alone in a city during a field trip they would be excluded from future trips until the school was confident it wouldn't happen again. Clearly your DD's school don't trust her to do the same in NY. It's the right decision.

Imagine you strong arm the school into allowing her to go
She gets upset and runs off in new york and they cant find her
Would you then take responsibility for forcing them to take her or would you blame the school for taking a child who is a known flight risk to new york and losing her

Think about it

I'm surprised you'd actually want her to go, given her tendency to be disobedient and go awol. She might put herself in serious danger.