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Original poster

DD banned from NYC trip

1000 replies

Chickenwinger · 27/01/2026 07:43

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

OP posts:

OurChristmasMiracle · 27/01/2026 08:30

From a safety perspective she is known as a flight risk (as in she will just walk off) therefore what happens if she does that at the airport? In New York? What happens if she gets lost?

what happens if she absconds in the airport and misses the flight meaning everyone else misses it too? They can’t just leave her.

She has had more than enough chances and is unable to manage her emotions and remain safe (walking off alone is not safe) on a day trip so I am completely unsurprised that the school aren’t willing to take her.

I would however be asking the school for support to get her help with managing her emotions and emotional regulation

Megifer · 27/01/2026 08:30

Id be the first to say if I think a school has been heavy handed but I have to say they are right to stop her from going.

Sucks for your DD but its her own fault.

As her mum surely you wouldnt want her going to NYC anyway if shes pretty irresponsible? It's a safety concern.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 27/01/2026 08:30

It's a safeguarding issue. They can't keep her safe. If she went missing in NYC, would you be happy?

I wonder if she runs off so much with you that you've got so used to it you don't see it as an issue any more.

The school are 100% right I'm afraid. Tough way to learn this lesson.

ThePerfectWeekend · 27/01/2026 08:31

Actions have consequences. If you step in you are failing her as a parent. This is a lesson DD should have learned long before now.
If you side with her you'll reap what you...

NoYourNameChanged · 27/01/2026 08:31

babasaclover · 27/01/2026 07:44

She’s had multiple chances and every time she’s on a field trip she runs off. Fuck taking her to another country and being responsible for her. School have been more than fair she need to learn to regulate

Edited

This. Actions have consequences. She knew full well she needed to behave in a reasonable fashion on this trip and she didn’t, even with that hanging over her. I wouldn’t trust her abroad either.

ThejoyofNC · 27/01/2026 08:32

FAFO

usedtobeaylis · 27/01/2026 08:32

I know it's really hard to take but they can't be responsible for a child on this kind of trip who has demonstrated that she can't or won't follow instructions and has walked off in the city. Its not really about how fast they can locate her - locating her shouldn't be a factor. I'm also sorry as I can only imagine how devastated she is.

ChocoChocoLatte · 27/01/2026 08:32

@robinandjshes probably on sky scanner booking flight so her DD doesn’t miss out……

Ginburee · 27/01/2026 08:32

She has ruined the trip for herself and you will look like an absolute plonker if you contact the school.
I honestly cannot understand why you think they have been heavy handed when she is a huge risk to herself, other pupils and the staff.
No way would I want to be a teacher with her on a trip, and if she has anymore booked in the I hope she isn't able to go.
15 year olds are old enough to know not to strop off.
I certainly hope she is in school today and you haven't been pathetic and let her stay at home- she needs to own this behaviour.

OvaHere · 27/01/2026 08:33

Sorry OP the school and your DH are right. She is too much of a risk to herself and the planned schedule of the trip. They can't guarantee her safety somewhere like NYC and won't have the staff ratios for 1:1 support which is what would be needed to mitigate that risk.

Don't complain but do ask school for help with her behaviour or perhaps a referral to somewhere that can help her with emotional regulation.

I appreciate it's a tough lesson but safety comes first. I had a teen who had similar behaviours and was an absconder (once lost him in the middle of a city). He couldn't have gone on a trip like this at secondary school. He did grow out of it and by late teens/early 20s you wouldn't think he was the same kid.

So try to think of this as a learning experience for DD and the price of keeping her safe whilst she's still maturing.

Craftysue · 27/01/2026 08:33

To be honest I would have pulled her from the trip myself for her own safety. I don't think you can expect the school to take responsibility. If I was a teacher there's no way I would accept responsibility for her

lifewillopenup · 27/01/2026 08:33

A slightly different angle on this:

My guess is that the educational value of this trip compared to, say, a trip to museums/the theatre in London or Paris is not that high. You can get the same benefit with much less money.

Back to the original subject: being provoked by 'another girl' isn't a good enough reason to abscond on a school trip. She needs to learn this, and the school did the right thing to manage this risk.

Learning to manage anger is a life skill - not always easy for young people or their parents, but the best time to solve it is now.

HisNotHes · 27/01/2026 08:33

“do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?”

No! Your daughter was warned, and she chose to behave badly anyway. Time to learn that actions have consequences.

AnSolas · 27/01/2026 08:34

You will have multiple replies because its so clickbait and I bit🤷‍♀️

I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

You do

Complain and ask the school to explain why a paid employee should take on the legal responsibility of safeguarding your child.

And for it to explain why is is fair (that just because your child has proven she will not listen or follow the instruction of multiple school employee) that the school wont force the employee to take on the hopeless task.

JustBitetheKnotsOff · 27/01/2026 08:34

GalaxyJam · 27/01/2026 08:23

She only posted half an hour ago, she might be driving to work!

Show quote history

Or trying to wrangle a tantrumming teenager out of the door for school?

GreenWheat · 27/01/2026 08:35

Good grief. Your DD has demonstrated on several occasions that she's trouble on school trips, even with warnings. Why on earth do you think it's "heavy handed" to refuse to take her 3 thousand miles away and subject the chaperones and other pupils to her irresponsible behaviour?

Emonade · 27/01/2026 08:36

Chickenwinger · 27/01/2026 07:43

Morning

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

whatdo they do if she goes off in the middle of New York!! Even if she was provoked she shouldn’t go off when on a school trip abd ignore teachers. Trips are exhausting for teachers and take hours and hours of prep outside of school hours so why should they take someone who has proved they cannot be trusted?

user405927 · 27/01/2026 08:37

It’s difficult to understand why you think the school have been heavy handed. Or why you want her to go.

I think the school have been very reasonable indeed. Your job now is to help her come to terms with it in whatever way you feel will be most effective. I have to admit that my method would be along the lines of ‘it’s no more than you deserve.’.

blackheartsgirl · 27/01/2026 08:37

Yep with everybody else on this one.

I also have a pain in the arse 15 year old who’s been a nightmare at school (although settling down now) and If this had been dd in the same situation and she’d been banned from a school trip then absolutely would I be backing the school.

TheMorgenmuffel · 27/01/2026 08:37

Back the school.
Your daughter needs to learn that she can't keep storming off.

mikado1 · 27/01/2026 08:37

This is not even a punishment. It's a very straightforward health and safety decision. If they called you from NYC to say she'd run off and couldn't be found, you'd be wishing she'd never gone. She's had two chances and blown them. The school cannot take this risk with her safety. We had this in a local park and the child was not allowed go on the school tour the following week. It also removes at least one adult from the supervision group to chase or try to locate so the health and safety of the rest of the group is compromised.
She's devasted of course - I'd look at it as a teaching moment and show her what the problem is. At 15 she's expected to control herself enough to stay with the group despite her emotions. Does she tend to walk off on you? Many parents tell their child to 'Walk away' from aggro, which is sensible and well meaning but some children can't then stop themselves flouncing off. A flight risk in New York? I'd refuse to go as a teacher if she was going.

Booksandsea · 27/01/2026 08:38

She’s an absolute flight risk! Imagine her running off in New York just because of an argument! Surely she has the understanding that she can’t just flounce off and still expect to go on these trips? Do not complain to school, the only one at fault is your daugjter.

and maybe buy the poor staff who had to go find her, a bottle of wine and give them your apologies.

Blinkingbother · 27/01/2026 08:38

Whilst I feel sorry for your daughter if she’s being bullied and this has caused her reactions she needs to learn to respect that the teachers have responsibility for her and flouncing off is dangerous (and additionally wastes everyone else’s time & potential enjoyment of the trip). By saying ‘she’s been a pain’ it sounds like she’s not entirely the victim though. I really get that it’s hard for them to learn but actually it’s really important that they learn how to deal with conflict without creating further drama (walking away from the source = good, walking away so far she’s MIA = irresponsible).

EasternStandard · 27/01/2026 08:38

No focus your energy on helping her manage her behaviour

Nomedshere · 27/01/2026 08:38

Good for the school. Maybe this will teach her a lesson.

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