DD banned from NYC trip

[Chickenwinger]

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

Sounds like she needs a lesson in consequences. If she is going to not behave in an appropriate manner then there will be consequences that she may not like- it’s not rocket science really OP.
If I was you I’d be using this as an opportunity to hammer home this message to her.

As her parent is seems harsh, you don't want your child to be upset, I get it but on the other side.

The teachers have a duty of care and if they cant ensure she is going to comply especially given the location, they are doing what is best not only for themselves but you're daughters safety.

Very valuable lesson in there for her.

Do not complain, she's bought this on herself.

Yes, the other girl she argued with on the geography trip is also to blame a little bit, but your DD should never have stormed off. Especially as she was skating on thin ice already.

The staff leading this trip need to have ABSOLUTE trust in your DD for them to take her. If they don't, she can't go - end of.

The only POSSIBLE work-around they MIGHT consider is if you or her dad offer to go on the trip as her 1:1. She and you tag along with the group, but she's solely your responsibility.

Completely fair and the correct decision. If your DD stormed off in a huff in NYC and they couldn’t locate her I’m sure you’d have a different idea on their responsibilities to keep students safe.

@Chickenwinger your daughter has behaved like a spoilt brat. How dare she run off during a field trip! Nothing excuses her putting the teachers in such a stressful and difficult position. She has proved repeatedly that she isn’t mature or respectful enough to behave well, follow rules and get along with all the other students during school trips. It’s good that she is suffering the consequences of her stupid, selfish actions. Hopefully she will learn from this experience.

Don’t complain to the school.

No. Your husband is right. She needs this lesson. She’s acting out for attention and in this scenario it is not fair for the staff to have that burden of responsibility for her.

It’s her fault entirely. School have done the right thing. You should have been a bit more ‘heavy handed’ 🙄 before now and dealt with her appalling behaviour.

It wouldn’t surprise me if this forms part of the risk assessment too. Can you imagine the fallout if she went missing and it became a police matter in a foreign country. The school would be the first to be blamed, especially if she has form. Sensible decision.

Is this thread unique in the MN world??

100% support for the school, ignoring the OP
100% support for the DH too!

As a parent myself I wouldn’t see this as at all harsh. They’d have little sympathy from me and be told that you play stupid games you get stupid prizes.

It’s quite refreshing to see.

Its actually not about serving her right as such ... its about her safety and the safety of others. They can not risk her walking off in NY ...and then someone will need to look for her and not be available for the others. The school has made a sensible decision and she needs to learn to manage her emotions in a safe way.

A good opportunity for her to learn her actions have consequences.

No-one wants to deal with kids like that on a standard school trip never mind going to NY. She's not mature enough to be going abroad with school, it would be unfair on the staff and the rest of the kids if she's disappears in a strop.

What did she think would happen?
school can’t take someone who runs away from the group to another country busy city. Unless you offer to go too and chaperone her at all times?

What a wise saying. Can be used for adults as well.

It would be horrendous and OP would be panicking and worried out of her mind. The girl can’t even be trusted in her own country on a little field trip, god knows what stunts she’d pull in NY.

For fuck sake! Your daughter is behaving like a brat. It would be unsafe for the school to take your daughter anywhere

Yes it was. Three boys decided to slide down the mountain and went over the edge. Awful

Maybe this will teach her to take accountability for her own behaviour. If I was a teacher I would refuse to be responsible for her too. This is a lesson that may serve her well in life......your actions have consequences.

She is old enough to know better! I have been a parent volunteer on numerous school trips with my DCs school and even the little reception age kids know not to run off.

Christ, if she just walked off in New York the staff would have a hell of a job trying to find her. If they don't feel they can keep her safe then they're not going to take her.

Your teenager is a spoilt brat..i bet the school can sleep easily now they've made that decision..like another parent said you should have stopped her going not the school..wake up fgs

Yep... it is definitely used for adults as well...

@Chickenwinger - what happens if you complain and manage to force the school to let your dd go on the trip to New York, and whilst in that trip, she bolts again, and something bad happens to her? I am willing to bet you will blame the staff accompanying the trip - and I can 100% understand why they don’t want to take that risk.