DD banned from NYC trip

[Chickenwinger]

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

Work in a private and absolutely these deluded parents totally exist!

they honestly can’t look past their own self interests to even possibly think that one child running off in New York means staff having to leave all of the other children (unsafe) and wander around a city looking for their brat (unsafe for staff). Then cancelling activities for other students becuase they don’t have enough staff so ruining the experience for everyone else. Then having to refund all the other parents for lost activities so losing money for the school and creating a tonne of admin for the school finance team. but no, your precious little daughter is said so must complaint to the mean school

How would you feel if your DD went off in NY after a falling out? Imagine she got lost and was mugged or worse as the teachers cannot restrain her or chase after her. Of course they dont want to be responsible for that. This is an opportunity for her to learn consequences for her actions.

Good grief! You need to teach your child action and consequence. She was given fair warning but had a bad attitude thinking she could just ride roughshod. And if you are unwilling to show her the path she’ll be like this forever. Sorry doesn’t matter. Action matters. I teach my 4 year old that. And he’s 4.

The school has been more than reasonable here and given her every chance. So I think it was the only sensible decision the school could make under the circumstances.

The school has done nothing wrong. Be rational, how can they deal with your DD if she runs off in New York because someone has upset her. It's a harsh lesson for her, but a valuable one. She knew what she had to do to get her trip, and she didn't do it. Honestly, I know it's hard to see our kids upset, but on this one you just have to suck it up, as do you. And no trying to make up for this, it's totally her own fault.

They absolutely are not being heavy handed They rightly are admitting they can’t keep her safe and are unprepared to risk there reputation and personal safety and having to leave a whole group of kids unattended whilst running round New York chasing a stroppy poorly behaved kid.
This is what she gets for her bad behaviour unfortunately. Encourage her to be a more considerate person she’s nearly an adult.

just as a quick question how would you feel if she ran they couldn’t catch her and she was assaulted or mugged or worse. Are you going to blame the school then. There would be legal repercussions and repetitional damage which would prevent thousands of kids being offered this opportunity in the future.
I wholeheartedly agree with there decision.

I think the school simply can't be sure that she will be able to cope, away from home, and the teachers accompanying the NYC trip aren't willing to be responsible for her. In fact her behaviour to date suggests she will endanger herself (and therefore other pupils). She had a chance to prove herself and blew it. Don't regard it as a punishment, just that she's not able to regulate her emotions yet while her first reaction to a row with a friend is to run off.

Your DD does not deserve to go to NY.
Taking a school group abroad is a huge responsibility.
Sadly she has shown she can’t be trusted.
Your DD now has a choice.
Hopefully in future her behaviour will improve.
If she chooses the wrong route, life will be more challenging for you all.

Don't complain. Help your daughter to understand why it was the only way, harsh as it may be.

Completely on her. Actions have consequences. Put yourself in the place of those teachers, imagine the fear and panic of one of your charges running off in the middle of a strange city in another country. She sounds spoilt and like she has no respect for others and hopefully this will be a teaching moment for her.

Actions have consequences.

Your DD should not go on the trip. She cannot or chooses not to follow instructions. Its a safeguarding risk.
If she was to walk off from the group in NYC it puts her and other people at risk. She could get into danger herself and the manpower needed to locate her, will put the rest of the group at risk.
Dont complain but use it as an example of the results breaking boundaries.

School are bang on.
Consequences of actions.

She is a safeguarding risk to herself and others.

Id look at working on the sulking/running off. Not a great trait for adult life/future relationships

I'm impressed the school is refunding you.

She's 15 - old enough to understand the position she is putting staff in, therefore old enough to take the consequences.

If you tacitly condone her behaviour, you will define what she does next and whether she grows into an adult that takes responsibility for her own choices.

She doesn't sound mature enough to go on trips. It is too much of a risk.

You are not going to get anywhere with this, you can't expect teachers to take responsibility for your daughter in another country, would be too high a risk.

As a parent I'm not sure I would want her to go either, would be worried sick the whole time.

Agree with DH, it seems she needs to learn there are consequences to her actions.

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint

No you need to parent your child.

Teachers take time and responsibility to take kids abroad. It's effectively a personal risk to them and the school. The school has to do a risk assessment. If her behaviour is below the minimum standard for the trip it puts all the other kids at risk and it puts your daughter potentially at risk.

Walking off because she has had a mard on a Geography field trip is one thing. Doing the same thing in NYC? Hell no.

They are protecting her wellbeing and protecting the staff.

She needs to buck her ideas up.

I am no longer a teacher despite loving being in the classroom with the students and delivering lessons on a subject I was passionate about. I know I was a great teacher too as ex students and parents have approached me many many times to tell me.

There were various reasons I stopped but a big one was the absolute lack of appreciation from parents and society in general. A standout memory for me is going on a trip abroad during my own midterm break with 120 students to a European city. The travel conditions and accommodation were pretty crap. I got barely any sleep. We worked insanely long hours. We didn't get paid. When it was over we went back to work after missing our break. I did it because it is a really good experience for the teenagers. And then during a parent teacher meeting for another year, I was talking to a mum about a sibling of one of the attendees. We had finished the meeting and just before she left she made some cutting remark about me getting a nice little holiday that the parents footed the bill for.

Who do you think you are expecting teachers to be responsible for your spoilt daughter? You are the one who hasn't drilled into her that this behaviour is dangerous and unacceptable? Now you want to complain? It's parents like you which increase the likelihood of these trips being cancelled altogether - they just become too much trouble.

These trips are a privilege and are only for those with exemplary behaviour.

Unfortunately your DD is not mature enough to go on this trip and it would be too dangerous to take her to another country where she could get lost or kidnapped.

The staff have a hard enough time watching kids 24 hours a day in a foreign country but no way would they risk one that is difficult or a flight risk.

It would not be fair to the staff or other pupils if your DD needed extra supervision.

Honestly she's got her whole adulthood to go to NYC.

She's showing you and the school that she needs help in regulating herself. She's actually asking for help with her behaviour.

Focus on that and forget NYC - it's not safe for her until she matures.

This could be the making of her, but only if help her understand that whilst she might be very sad about the outcome it is a direct consequence of her actions that she has control over. If you tell her the school acted unfairly them you are setting her up for a life of further disappointments and difficulties in the workplace as well as turning her into an entitled madam

The school have responded correctly, she’s a liability on school trips, no way should they be obliged to deal with her in New York - what makes you think they should?

The school have definitely done the right thing. Imagine if she storms off in NYC and they can’t find her. They would be in massive trouble & your daughter would be at risk. There is no way you can expect the school to put this on their staff.
It is sad for your daughter but she’s been given chances to show she can be trusted and she hasn’t done that.

Think this is going to be one of those 100% in agreement apart from the OP threads ...

OP isn’t going to respond…..