DD banned from NYC trip

[Chickenwinger]

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

16 pages of people saying you're wrong.

Your daughter is a safeguarding risk.

Sounds like you enable this.

I'd hate for my kid to be put at risk as a teacher traipses across NY looking for your daughter after a tantrum.

I bet other parents are glad she's no longer going.

Crying all night? Ho-hum. It's your own doing, get over it.

This!
I'm sorry OP, but I'm with the teachers on this one.
If she's prone to stropping off on trips, what on earth makes you think they want to take the risk of that all the way over in NYC? They'll be risk assessing and she's a liability.
If it was my teens, I'd be saying "I understand you're upset, I would be too, but this is the consequence of not heeding the warnings and other chances."
Hopefully she might learn something from this lesson. That's life as harsh as it sounds.

From direct experience of working in schools I'm afraid that attitudes like the OP's are incredibly common. I have no problem at all believing that this is genuine and that she honestly thought others would agree with her. I'm finding the overwhelming consensus of the thread very reassuring.

Christ no. I wouldn’t want her going in your shoes. Too risky

Wow. No, the school has been more than fair. Your daughter needs to grow up and learn how to control herself. Or indeed protect herself by avoiding her triggers. I cannot imagine any adult wanting to take responsibility for a teenager who runs off in NYC!

I think they are right here TBH. NYC is a great chance for youngsters to be away from home for the first time, experience a new country and so on.However these privileges need to be earned .My DS had a great time .However you cannot expect the Teaching staff to take pupils who misbehave .Its not fair on them or the other children .

What kind of life lesson would you be teaching her by complaining to the school!? The school and your husband are 100 percent correct.

The school would be responsible for her safety. Your dd isn’t safe if she gets into altercations and wanders off.

Staff have to look after a lot of children. It sounds like having your dd there would make it impossible for the staff to look after the kids properly.

That’s really all there is to it.

The school have made the correct decision. If they had agreed to the NYC trip, and your daughter had stormed off, and something happened to her, you'd be demanding answers! Your daughter's safety is paramount, and if she can't regulate her emotions or follow strategies to help herself, then the school has no choice.

Your daughter was given a chance by her Headteacher. Your daughter is 15, not 5, and has to learn personal responsibility. Of course she's upset...but now she understands that all behaviour has consequences.

My ex partner's son was in a similar position over 20 years ago. The school made a decision that he couldn't go on the trip to France, for the exact same reasons.

Your daughter needs help with strategies, plans on what to do when she feels her emotions are running away and she's losing control. She has to implement those strategies though, you can't do it for her! Work with the school, and if necessary outside agencies, to support her.

Sounds like completely reasonable consequence for her actions. I can’t believe any mum would look at these circumstances and think the school is wrong!

"OP, oh OP - where are you?"

Probably had a hair flip moment like her daughter and stomped off.

The school and your DH are absolutely correct! I can’t even imagine the risk assessment that would have to be prepared for your daughter. I worked in a primary school as a SEN 1:1 & the children I worked with knew not to storm off. I think you need to work with school and your daughter to try to understand why she reacts like this.

Hopefully this will teach her that poor behaviour has consequences.
the school are 100% in the right here.

It's tough on her - but absolutely the right decision on the part of the school. Hopefully this will be the moment when she realises that the adults around her mean what they say and that she is out of order.

You really cannot possibly expect the school to take her when she has such a track record.

How can you possibly think of complaining to the school who are behaving responsibly?

A lesson learned hopefully. But only if you back the school up.

What do you think the teachers should do if she falls out with another friend and disappears in the middle of the trip?

You sound like the sort of parent who would complain at them when the contact you....

I am assuming a New York trip is not a vital curriculum trip as most dc in schools don’t get to go. Your DD sounds like she has behaviour issues and should have behaved herself. She did not and the school can certainly say they cannot take the risk.

If she can’t behave herself, she doesn’t go. Simple. Don’t embarrass yourself by complaining.

You're honestly lucky they refunded you! I think they would have been in the right to not refund if they will still be out of pocket for deposits, etc.

You’d look like a right idiot if you complained! Put your energies into trying to sort the behaviour. Of course she shouldn’t go. She doesn’t know how to behave on a trip. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for her in a foreign country. Especially somewhere as busy as New York. I can understand she’s upset, but she’ll need to learn.

Complain for what? She’s getting what she deserves.

What are you and your DH doing to address her poor behaviour?

Complain to the school?

Are you out of your mind?

Where's the OP gone

Hope she isnt down the school having it out.

I hope they give you a complete showing up if you go in complaining.

They've complained to you that you have an unruly daughter and they don't want to be responsible for her in New York.

She would find that running off there would be very different from running off in Keswick!

Get in, apologise to them, give them back the money and tell them to use it to pay for a well behaved pupil who can't afford to go and tell your daughter to give over crying and roaring.

I think the school have absolutely done the right thing for your daughter but also the teachers and other pupils. She was warned and still acted up so these are the consequences. She needs to learn to deal with these situations differently, walking away or not listening to the teachers is not the right answer.
If they backtrack on this (which I don't think they will) what lesson will she have learnt? and you'll be back when it comes to Prom and she's been told she can't attend and asking if you should complain.
Listen to your husband as he is right in this case.