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Original poster

DD banned from NYC trip

1000 replies

Chickenwinger · 27/01/2026 07:43

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

OP posts:
Pottlee · 27/01/2026 09:22

I Haven’t read many replies, but I think if you’d included a poll, you’d have been pretty damn close to 100% BU

ForEdgyHare · 27/01/2026 09:22

Id be putting my energy into helping dd with her emotions and anger, not complaining to school. There was a compromise, and a consequence. Now dd is facing the consequence. I bet if she flounced in nyc you would not be happy if the school couldn’t find her. They are minimising the risk. I think this is a usual consequence in secondary schools on trips too. My dd went to Italy and some of the boys snook out after lights out to the girls room. My dd was 13 and sleeping and with older girls. These boys were in that room. The next day the boys parents were called, boys lost half a day of activities and parents were told that any other incidents and they would have to fund flights home for those children. We were also told this is the way school handles these incidents on trips before they went and that any bad behaviour on a trip that results in a safeguarding risk would mean that children would be refused from future residential trips.

JambonetFromage · 27/01/2026 09:22

Redcloaktraitor · 27/01/2026 09:19

Looks like op has wandered off with her dd after having a disagreement…

Ha! 😂

Harshreality · 27/01/2026 09:22

You are a prat. FAFO

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 27/01/2026 09:23

I do agree with a pp that you need to look at the underlying issues here. Why is she having so many fallouts with her peers, and why are her responses what they are.

hourspassed · 27/01/2026 09:24

I'd be telling her she wasn't allowed to go. To risk her disappearing in a strop in the middle of NYC is not great! Don't complain you have absolutely no case.

The school are 100% correct with this. It really doesn't matter if someone upset her or wound her up - that is absolutely no excuse to behave like this on a school trip. Perhaps this will be the lesson she needs to learn that her actions have consequences!

Reassurancells · 27/01/2026 09:24

Slap it up her.

She had plenty of chances. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for her as a teacher either.

Ah well.

SallyRabbit · 27/01/2026 09:24

I’m the safeguarding lead governor for a high school. I would be extremely unhappy if my school was taking a vulnerable teen who is a known flight risk to an overseas city. It’s about risk assessment not punishment.

scoobysnaxx · 27/01/2026 09:25

lol no op.

she needs to learn a lesson.

there are consequences to her actions.

cry. Boohoo.

as per other poster - fuck taking her to another country and being responsible for her! New York no less!

ItsTimeToChang3 · 27/01/2026 09:25

FAFO I’m afraid! She fucked about and now she’s finding out

Carycach4 · 27/01/2026 09:25

Sounds like this is the first time in her life she has come up against a hard boundary.

firstofallimadelight · 27/01/2026 09:26

It’s not a punishment it’s a safeguarding risk. They can’t trust her to not run off therefore they can’t keep her safe. It would be negligent of them to take her.

Wellthisisdifficult · 27/01/2026 09:26

Of course she can’t go, because she can’t behave. This adversely affects all the others on the trip both in terms of enjoyment and safety. Surely you know this.

Rather than complaining to the school you should use the time to teach her to behave

Carycach4 · 27/01/2026 09:27

SallyRabbit · 27/01/2026 09:24

I’m the safeguarding lead governor for a high school. I would be extremely unhappy if my school was taking a vulnerable teen who is a known flight risk to an overseas city. It’s about risk assessment not punishment.

I think it's about both to be honest!

Climbingrosexx · 27/01/2026 09:27

Are you seriously thinking of complaining to the school when this is all on her? If she does the same in NYC and anything happens to her will you be looking to sue the school for negligence? This is your issue to sort out as a family. It's tough that she has spent the night crying. Maybe learning that actions have consequences will improve her behaviour

Arran2024 · 27/01/2026 09:27

What if she falls out with a girl in NYC?

What if she throws a wobbly in the airport, with all those security officers with guns?

Imo you are far better with her not going.

Equally, I suggest you delve a little deeper into what's going on here. Could she be neuro divergent? It's extreme problems with relationships.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 27/01/2026 09:28

Chickenwinger · 27/01/2026 07:43

Morning

DF (15) has been a pain at school recently I don’t dispute this. Last summer she went to France with the school and had a fallout with some friends. She responded by not following staff instructions:m/ being rude and the teachers had to call me.

there’s NYC trip later this year that she had signed up for. The Headteacher said he’d allow her to still go if she demonstrates positive behaviour between now and then.

last week she attended a day trip- a geography field trip. She had an another argument and basically walked off in the middle of the city as she sas upset. Staff located her promptly and it was clear that she’d been provoked by the other girl.

yesterday I received a call from the deputy head to tell me that her place on the New York trip has been cancelled. Apparently they aren’t confident that she’ll behave and staff aren’t willing to be responsible. They’ve refunded me way I’ve paid so far.

ste’s devastated and has cried all night. I can’t help but feel the school have been heavy handed. DH disagrees and thinks it serves her right!!

do I need to pursue this with the school as a complaint?

It’s called natural consequences and at 15 she should learn it

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/01/2026 09:28

firstofallimadelight · 27/01/2026 09:26

It’s not a punishment it’s a safeguarding risk. They can’t trust her to not run off therefore they can’t keep her safe. It would be negligent of them to take her.

Absolutely this.

Fiftyniftystates · 27/01/2026 09:28

As someone who works in a school…. Let me say this very clearly. It is parents like you that are a huge enormous problem.

your daughter has walked off into a city on more than one occasion. It doesn’t matter who provoked her or whatever - she put herself and staff at risk.

grow up. Because if you don’t grow up how are you supposed to teach your child to grow up.

ExpressCheckout · 27/01/2026 09:28

Team #DH

Although to be honest I can't believe that school trips to NYC are a 'thing', there must be kids/families who can't afford this and so are excluded anyway.

howshouldibehave · 27/01/2026 09:29

staff aren’t willing to be responsible.

Can you blame them?! School trips are horrendously stressful, especially going abroad or overnight. If your daughter can't follow staff instructions then she can't do nice things.

Hopefully this will be a lesson for her.

The fact that you want to complain as your first thought says a lot. Try supporting the school and acting as a united front, it will make a difference.

unbelievablybelievable · 27/01/2026 09:29

Good on the school! Absolutely the right decision. It's too much of a risk to take her, and would put the rest of the group at risk (adults having to leave the main group to look for her).

Good on the school for following through with the consequences. It might be wise for you to learn from this too, not just your DD. If you follow through with consequences, your DD might not be such 'a pain'.

outerspacepotato · 27/01/2026 09:30

FAFO.

She could get herself in a hell of a lot of deep trouble in the city doing that shit. They're making the right call.

Maybe look into why she's running off every trip.

Heronwatcher · 27/01/2026 09:30

No the school is 💯 right here. She’s a danger to herself and would ruin the experience for the others if she had the teachers running back and forward looking for her all over the place.

Good life lesson for her. TBH I am slightly flabbergasted that you’d even contemplate raising this with the school who have been more than fair.

Nomedshere · 27/01/2026 09:32

ExpressCheckout · 27/01/2026 09:28

Team #DH

Although to be honest I can't believe that school trips to NYC are a 'thing', there must be kids/families who can't afford this and so are excluded anyway.

They are...ds went on one 8 years ago from his boys' state school. Iceland too.

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