What is reasonable for a ‘guest’ to do

[WhyAreWeLikeThis]

I’m struggling, and I’m aware I’m pathetic but I don’t know what’s normal.

I have a houseguest as a favour to a family member. This person is not related to me, and is not paying rent although sometimes picks up milk

I live here with my adult daughter (also not connected to him). It’s a quiet house in a quiet neighbourhood. Daughter works long hours and is in bed by 8 (playing the sims or animal crossing I think, but goes to sleep at ten). Im up much later

He is very noisy at night, he drinks a lot, smokes weed - not in my house but brings the smell in with him, he told me it was outdoor plants but I’ve lived here 20 years, I know what it is, and I know people don’t mind weed, but I hate it. Also he plays very loud shouty games with friends in the early hours, and gets takeaways delivered at 2am (doorbell wakes my daughter)

Ive just told him it’s unacceptable and he told me to shush.

My daughter won’t say anything to him because she hates confrontation. I don’t like it either obviously. She gets really angry with me

Person we’re doing the favour for has said she doesn’t want to hear my drama. If it wasn’t for this there would be no drama

I swing between thinking I'm overreacting and wanting him to leave immediately

I’m not used to houseguests apart from the kids having sleepovers when they were younger and I’m not naturally hospitable so genuinely don’t know what’s normal

He needs to go - TODAY.

Ask your exH if he'll come round to help evict this horrible specimen. Don't do it alone, get a male to help for your own safety.

By the way, you are NOT pathetic.

And he's not a "guest", he's a parasite.

I'd be super careful with a strange man in the house with your child. Sorry, I don't mean to make awful insinuations, and I'm sure he's fine in that sense, but the point is, you don't know him and doesn't exactly live a clean lifestyle, and he is in your home living with your daughter, not to mention the fact be can't stay with the person you're doing the favour for.

As someone else suggested, would your daughter's dad give you back up to help get him out? Good luck, hope you find a way to get him to leave.

Wow! I hope you've kicked him out?

You need to ask him to leave.

Hes entitled disrespectful and responds to your reasonable issues with his behaviour in your home that hes staying in for free, with shush.

And the relative youre tolerating this for said dont come to her with your drama? Simple solution, is she can have this pig back

He's not paying you? Tell him you need the room to rent to a lodger who will pay their way so either he starts paying you £150pw or he leaves next weekend.

Come on, OP, unless this is a wind up, you 100% know he is taking the piss and has to leave immediately.

Don’t house him for another day.
Chuck him out asap and change the locks.
He can go to a hotel.
You don’t care where.

This is disgusting, both he and the family member of yours are abusing your kindness

does he pay you rent?

either way, he needs to know what the hosie rules are and follow them.

Get your ex to come and tell him if you can’t do it. I hate confrontation, but this is a massive pisstake. No rent, smoking weed, disrupting your sleep?! I’m sorry, your dd cannot expect her horrible dp to live for free and behave like an arsehole in your house.

He has to go, personally I'd be kicking him out today. His issues are not your problem - he can go to the family member, or find/rent/air bnb/cheap B&B,/sleep on a park bench, a long as he goes. If he refuses to leave, call the police. Do you have friends or family who can come around to back you up while you kick him out? He is disrespectful and rude - the fact that he actually had the nerve to tell you to shush is disgraceful. Its not about upsetting the applecart, you need to prioritise your daughter at least.

So youve 2 daughters, 1 lives with you and the other lives with your grandchild and her partners your weed smoking lodger?

I think alot here depends on why he isnt with his child and partner. And whether you think your other daughter would use your grandchild as a weapon.

And you know there's a reason your daughter hasnt asked her dad to have him?

But if theres a reason he cant live with his family, despite paying rent for them? But he might be able to leave your in March or the summer? I honestly feel somewhere in this you have a bigger problem than hes loud and eating late.

Tell him to sling his hook. I understand about the kid involved etc, but you're being used, and him telling you to "shush" is beyond acceptable, as well as his drinking, noise etc.
Hope things work out for you.

He told you to shush?!!! 😳
And the friend who you are doing a favour says she doesn’t want to hear your drama?! 😳
Bloody hell.
Cheeky sods.
He needs to leave asap. You are not overreacting. Far from it.

I can see why he's not allowed in the same home as your grandchild tell him he needs to get his stuff and leave now ! And if your daughter kicks up a fuss tell her you dont want to listen to her drama the problem wasn't yours to fix in the first place.

WTAF!!! He told you to “shush” in your own home !!!

…”this isn’t working for us anymore, you’ll be leaving tomorrow -
is that clear?”

This. Hope you get it sorted.

OP he needs to leave. Pronto.

It's not your responsibility to house him!!

He doesn't have one single relative or friend he could stay with?! If he doesn't that's rather telling of his character isn't it.

He leaves. What happens after that isn't your concern.

Well done for posting. Sorry yoir daughter has blackmailed you about seeing your grandchild to have someone who’s so horrid he’s not allowed to live eoth his partner and child!
Seriously I hope you’ve kicked him out today

Tell him to leave

I was going to say this too. The biggest threat to a child, especially a girl, is an unrelated male.

This!!!!!!

@WhyAreWeLikeThis please get him out for your daughters sake if not for yours.

If you have to put up with shitty beahviour to keep a child in your life, it may be best to accept that you have to say goodbye to that relationship

Is anyone else picturing this whackjob from Friends? (Eddie, who became Chandler's flatmate after Joey left,) and he refused to leave and completely dominated Chandler, and scared him.

Joey came back after a week or so, and they changed the locks - when Eddie was out - and wouldn't let him back in. Is there NO-ONE who could pose as someone who has moved in @WhyAreWeLikeThis so you can say 'this is my new lodger, and you're out. It's not working for me anymore.' And change the locks first of course.

Oh, and tell your relative, that they must have been taking the piss sending this fucking grim and hideous parasite to your home, and you're fucking fuming that they did this to you. Don't be nice about it! As a pp said, if the relative complains or whinges, tell them you 'don't want their drama.'

No idea why you are letting this go on. Chuck him out. He’s an adult and not your responsibility

If he told me to shush he'd be out within twenty minutes.

stop moaning or get him out.