MN phrases that aren’t said in real life and make you laugh

[Hotchocolateandmarsh]

I’ve never heard anyone say give your head a wobble in real life. I have no idea why but if makes me smile everytime someone uses it. I picture one of those bobble heads 😂

What’s your favourite MM phrase?

No one has a small or average sized salad - they’re always massive.

Be gentle. Sounds like a virgin on her wedding night in a Victorian novel.

Crying and shaking 😁😁😁 I never buy it when someone says that

it’s a post traumatic response (say after a bad car crash) not how you feel when a neighbour does not wave back at you

The fact that nobody ever just slightly raises their voice at a MNer.

They are always screaming at them.

Actual screaming is a whole other category of noise that would turn heads and get people running over in any normal environment. But apparently it happens all the time to these people?

"Who's taking their Christmas tree down today?"

😁

Why did you buy for your inlaws, that's dh's job.

Boils my piss
Grinds my gears
Give your head a wobble
Get your ducks in a row

I use the handhold phrase. Is there something better I could use. I only use it around MH support. Strangers really can’t give me support so it’s a sort of shorthand for that. What could I use?

They're not specific to Mumsnet. They were on many early forums - general internet acronyms.

-Head tilt- "Did you mean to be so rude?" -Tinkly laugh-

I donr think I've ever seen my face didnt fit on here but regularly hear it said in real life, it's a pretty normal phrase isnt it?

No one I know would say No is a complete sentence out loud, it doesn't even make sense

But just saying ‘no’ to people when they’re being cheeky or horrible actually works really well. They expect you to explain and fill awkward silences and when you don’t, it stops them.

"Living rurally". I've never heard anyone say it in real life. One lives in the country, or in town, or in the suburbs.

We give each other scores.

Before I discovered MN I’d never heard the expression ‘cooking from scratch’. It was simply ‘cooking’.

And if I wasn’t’ ‘cooking from scratch’ I would refer to ‘getting dinner ready’

Life Admin. WTF, it's easier than ever these days to do the things we need to do yet on here people go on about it. I read a thread once where someone claimed to do 15-20 hours of ‘Life Admin’ a week and it’s why she could only work part time.

DDog and DCat are my favourite of the abbreviations 😂 Especially on a post about “so-called ‘D’H and DDog”, it always makes me laugh

I can’t even fathom that! About 95 percent of my “life admin” is automated and involves very little input from me day to day.

I actually think it’s sweet, even though the “D everyone” thing annoys me generally. They don’t want to leave the dog out!

That doesn't work for me.

‘Rant over’

When I was at school I took dinner money in and that was that.

Now it's download an app, or get a registration code for a website in a letter sent home from school. Register kids. Log on and choose dishes. Buy credits. Get a code sent to your phone for payment. Enter code. Update app. Sorry the menu has changed so you need to re-do tomorrow's by 8.30am. Buy more credits. Do you want to link the payment card to your account and set up an automatic DD? Oh your bank card has expired, you need to redo it. We've sent you a code to your phone. Enter code. Sorry, your device isn't supported any more.

Yes, and they’re not intended literally as expressions of praise/love — there is an element of irony or lightness to them. A two-letter abbreviation like DD or DS or whatever just stands out more clearly and is easier to read than a single-letter version. They are practical rather than sentimental.

A lot of people seem to miss that and wrongly assume that whenever someone types DD (or whatever) they’re being kind of simpering and sugary.

There was peak "admin" on a thread the other day. It was about giving vouchers as presents. Apparently, this is an awful thing to do because you have to:

a. take possession of the voucher in your hand.
b. find somewhere to store the voucher
c. research where the voucher can be spent
d. make a note of the expiry date.
e. remember where you stored the voucher
f. retrieve the voucher from its storage location before using it

etc etc

Might just as well shit in someone's hands eh? oh god, the germ admin involved in that!!!

I’ve been using internet forums for at least 25 years and I’ve never come across the use of DH, DD etc anywhere. It’s just laziness.