MN phrases that aren’t said in real life and make you laugh

[Hotchocolateandmarsh]

I’ve never heard anyone say give your head a wobble in real life. I have no idea why but if makes me smile everytime someone uses it. I picture one of those bobble heads 😂

What’s your favourite MM phrase?

No is a complete sentence

“I’m so skint on £100k salary “

Did you mean to be so rude?

I fucking hate "Dear Husband", "Dear Daughter", "Dear Son" and so on. Who says that in real life?

Is there anyone who says that in real life, every time they are referring to their spouse or child?

Why is it even a thing on Mumsnet?

<rant over>

Give a tinkly laugh and a head tilt.

‘Vile’. It’s said far more often here than anywhere IRL.

@AmberLime. I agree about the mad abbreviations but At least Ds etc is a bit better than DDog and DCat. I’ve never come across anyone in real life whose first response to anything they think their husband or partner has done wrong, from daring to fart in the same room rather than going to the toilet to staying out late and getting pissed is Leave the Bastard - or should I say LTB.

We've lost sight of what a healthy (insert whatever they're going on about) is!

You have a husband problem

Cat's bum mouth.
LTB
Just learn to drive/get a cleaner/go on a spa weekend.
My face didn't fit (I don't even really know what this means!)

I always write it out in full using the title of mother or son or whatever, I cant bear it

Theres a thread Im on at the moment where I keep having to write 'brother in law' over and over again. I cannot use the initials with the D in front of it. Awful

As is ‘grim’

Get your ducks in a row
Spitting out tea

It’s actually Darling Husband, Darling Daughter, etc etc

I say so many of these irl! Give your head a wobble. No is a complete sentence. Did you mean to be quite so rude?
Vile. Ducks in a row.

Cocklodger
Not this again.

No one ever just has people over, they’re always “hosting” them.

I used to work with someone who said ‘get your ducks in a row’ ALL the time.

And people on Mumsnet don’t ever give presents - they gift gifts. I’ve never met anyone who giftd things rather than gives them

A meal is never just dinner, tea, lunch. It always has to be deliberately specified as home made / healthy/ from scratch.

‘mental load’ never heard anyone in real life moaning about it. It’s just stuff that needs doing, crack in with it.

I do use ‘ give your head a wobble’ in real life though. Is it a Northern thing?

My entire first year I did not know what DS and DH stood for, and as I have a vivid imagination and MN was full of dark humour (the early years…) I thought it stood for:

(DS) Devil Spawn
(DH) Demon Husband

MIL (Mill Stone around the neck)

not kidding 😬😁

Can I have a handhold? This actually makes me feel sick when I read it.

Hope that helps.

I was crying and shaking.

I have never farted in front of my partner of 36 years