Why does everyone seem to hate baby showers on MN?

[Hotchocolateandsnow]

Obviously not talking about the over the top grabby ones (which I’ve never witnessed in real
life and probably make up 1% - similar to birthdays/ weddings percentages I’m sure or are fabricated for the news?)

Im talking about the afternoon tea with family / friends and some decorations. Getting together to see people and celebrate. You can take a present and then not take one once the baby is born.

It’s an excuse to see your friend or family, eat some nice food and chat. But there seems to be a hatred of them on MN. There might be a game but the only ones I’ve witness in real life was guess the name / weight / date of birth.

If you do dislike baby showers, do you also dislike attending weddings, birthday parties, christenings, Christmas gatherings, Halloween party, summer BBQs? Where’s your line on what’s acceptable to celebrate or not?

We celebrated our DT’s birth with friends and family visiting after they were born. Didn’t see any point in an event before.

if it’s just a get together with friends, then why call it a baby shower. My friends meet up and we don’t feel the need to call it anything.

I don’t like prematurely celebrating, I prefer to get the baby a present when it actually arrives safely as sadly this doesn’t always happen.

I don’t think it’s a case of what is acceptable to celebrate or not. Some people like them, some don’t. It’s not really a big deal.

They're a bit tacky and attention seeking (particularly for subsequent babies) and tend to be thrown by the sort of people who drag their birthdays out into a month long affair.

Because they normally involve stupid games! I don't want to guess what chocolate is in the nappy!

It's not just a get together with friends is it? There's an expectation of showering the person the party is being held for with gifts. I would much rather just have a get together without the overpriced cakes and daft games and give a gift once the baby has been born.

1. It's a US import which doesn't have cultural roots here. That doesn't necessarily mean it is bad but it can feel forced.

1. Many people still associate pregnancy and birth with a dangerous time for a woman and child. It seems premature and even historically, unlucky to celebrate a child before they are born.

It's just another expense and thing to do. Also feel like have to buy something when baby is born.

Sorry to be so depressing but it’s because it seems too soon to celebrate a new arrival, it hasn’t happened yet, things could go wrong between the shower and the birth or post-birth. As a near 40 year old woman there is so much anxiety around pregnancy and birth, as a 20 year old I would have probably had one though, the anxiety comes with age and losses

Where does the “shower” bit come from?

It always ends up with costing more money.

Visiting mother and baby empty handed? No.
It's a gift for babyshower (and often a fee for taking part to cover food), at birth, christening and 1st birthday. 1st year of a baby's life can be so expensive for family and friends.

Don’t forget not answering the door!

I'm in my 30s and they've become very common. I personally didn't want one when I was pregnant with DDs because I did see it as bad luck to be prematurely celebrating. But we have had two stillbirths in our family sadly so I appreciate that has coloured my view of them. I would just prefer to celebrate once the baby was safely here and both mum and baby are ok.

Plus they do feel grabby. You feel like you have to buy a present and then once the baby is born I'm not going to turn up to visit them empty handed so I have to buy a second gift.

The ones I've been to we've had to pay for ourselves. I think the last one I had to pay £30 for afternoon tea plus a contribution towards covering the cost of the mum to be. At least with a Christening you tend to be catered for and not have to pay for your own food!

To me, it isn't at all like a wedding or a Christening or another type of party where usually people are hosting you and inviting you to celebrate with them but kindly paying for putting on the celebration. It's the opposite, expecting other people to pay to celebrate you which feels grabby.

I normally celebrate with people who are leaving work to go on maternity leave. Get them a voucher for a pregnancy massage or something between us. Have a meal or afternoon tea or something.
I didn’t have a baby shower and have never attended one. My sister is the same. She didn’t have one either. If people want to that’s fine……I buy a gift once baby is here safe and sound. I don’t like the fact that people buy the baby gifts before the baby is here etc.
I don’t impose this on people and if I get invited I politely decline!
I’ve just politely declined my sister in laws 2nd baby shower. We get on very well etc and I’ll be involved in my niece/nephews life.
‘So sorry I can’t make it! Have a lovely time!’

This

It’s an American thing and like much that comes from America, it feels a bit brash to English sensibilities.

They're all grabby, and it's best to celebrate after a safe and healthy birth.

I must be the minority in that I don’t do any of these. Most people don’t know my dislike for baby showers as I politely decline…..I was also glad that my friends didn’t want baby showers as well as I didn’t need to decline their invitations 🤣

It’s an Americanism.

And counting one’s chickens before they’ve hatched.

I think they’re lovely when done as you described. It’s such a special feeling becoming a mum for the first time, a big life changing moment. Why not celebrate it, make a little fuss of someone and acknowledge their excitement. No presents are expected except in your 1% lot. It just seems so sad that people don’t want to make a bit of a fuss of someone. I’ve thrown one for my daughter and attended a couple. Nothing grabby or look at me, just a joyful couple of hours with people I really care for and to see someone have a little fuss and celebration. It’s called, in my eyes, the joy of giving, giving time and thoughtfulness.
After the baby was born, I popped a card and a small gift round, but that’s the time you don’t make much of a fuss or stay as they are tired, emotional and need to bond with their baby.

They’re just really naff. The twee games, the pretending there’s no expectation to bring a gift (of course there is), the fussy food. My biggest bugbear though, is they are really just non-stop photo and video shoots for social media.

School gate cliques are a thing.
Reducing contact with abusive people is sensible.
Lots of folk have part time jobs at 16.
Many MN comments are from actual people.

This

A lot of Mumsnetters don't like socialising.

Different people like different things, how is this new to you ?