Why does everyone seem to hate baby showers on MN?

[Hotchocolateandsnow]

Obviously not talking about the over the top grabby ones (which I’ve never witnessed in real
life and probably make up 1% - similar to birthdays/ weddings percentages I’m sure or are fabricated for the news?)

Im talking about the afternoon tea with family / friends and some decorations. Getting together to see people and celebrate. You can take a present and then not take one once the baby is born.

It’s an excuse to see your friend or family, eat some nice food and chat. But there seems to be a hatred of them on MN. There might be a game but the only ones I’ve witness in real life was guess the name / weight / date of birth.

If you do dislike baby showers, do you also dislike attending weddings, birthday parties, christenings, Christmas gatherings, Halloween party, summer BBQs? Where’s your line on what’s acceptable to celebrate or not?

Okay thanks? I’ll never understand why women on here want to bring down other women, we should be sticking together. Have a great day ❤️

And highest form of intelligence of you want the whole quote!

I find this stuff really facile

What does it mean? That you can't disagree with anything another woman does?

Because they’re crass, grabby and hubristic. Why not wait until you’ve given birth to a live baby before celebrating their entry into life?

Precisely this. They're so naff and self indulgent and fucking greedy as they're a blatant begging tactic for gifts.

I judge the hell out of anyone that has one and have refused invites to every one I've ever been invited to.

Its a US tradition that UK folk do not understand. It is NOT a tacky procession of gifts and balloon arches. When I see them on social media it reminds me of the reddit full english breaksfast threads.

"Well done for trying, I can see what you were attempting to do"

And also people are utterly deluded into thinking their offspring are of as much interest to the rest of the world as they are to them.

Newsflash. They're not. Get over yourself.

This. What’s wrong with popping around after the baby is born with a present and helping mum with some washing or vacuuming etc?

So you celebrate your birthday and ask everyone to celebrate it with you before your actual birthday?

That's weird.

It’s hardly disagreeing is it? It’s just being mean IMO, jeez haven’t you got anything better to do that reply to replies of replies of replies on MN? Fml, it’s tedious.

You're right. That was crass and unnecessary.

I'm sorry for posting it.

They weren't a thing when I had mine thank god! I've been invited, the one I went to was my idea of hell, a bunch of women, their small kids, playing dozy games, 3 hours of my life I can't get back!
A mixed gathering.. bbq..music.. etc, I could understand. The whole concept is cringy.

Traditionally where I'm from you wouldn't do anything like this in case of a loss of baby. You wouldn't even take your pram home from the shop.

I'm in the "they're grabby and weird" camp.
Does anyone know why they're called "showers"? Is that an American thing? I don’t really understand.

I find this argument quite weird. Historically the mortality rate was a lot higher, so that made sense. If we didn't change any of our traditions because we didn't do them 'historically' women wouldn't have the vote, our own bank accounts or rights over our own children!

I also can't imagine that it would be any less devastating to have to find a new home for an unused baby grow or cradle if you'd bought it yourself, compared to someone else buying it for you. You could even argue it would be less upsetting as you wouldn't have the emotional history of going out to choose it. When you say 'redistributing' I can't imagine that any friend would want their gift back if the worst did happen.

Besides, surely it should be up to the individual woman to decide how she manages the risk? I've never gone to a baby shower where the mum to be didn't know about it. If the mum decides a one-off celebration with her friends before the baby comes, when she's comparatively free, bringing gifts that will be useful and allow her to plan, rather than a load of visitors coming separately in the weeks immediately after, when she's knackered and has the actual baby to wrangle, then surely it's infantilising, not to mention horrendously rude, to say to her 'No, I won't come, and you're being stupid to hold it, because your baby might die.'

With that argument why bother buying anything for children at all, or anyone? Technically we could all die before making use of our newest present.

It's the policing other people's choices I find so rude.
If YOU don't want to have a baby shower for YOUR child, don't have one.
If YOU don't want to go to someone else's shower, don't go!

All perfectly fine choices for YOU to make on your own behalf, but it's weirdly arrogant to think you should be allowed any input in what other people do?

Because the mother-to-be is "showered" with presents.

I've not witnessed a single one that wasn't chavvy. They are for people who can relate to Geordie Shore and the Kardashians.

I’ve never been to one, but the worst part for me is that it just looks boring, forced and awkward. Like it’s set up for photos rather than something people actually enjoy.

Surely it’s more fun to go out with your firmed group than having a stifled mix of family, colleagues and friends, all sitting around playing baby-themed party games

Your post has just made me realise something actually. Most of the people expected to turn up to the shower with a gift will most likely not be welcome to visit the baby 😂 how ironic!

2 I have been invited to were for ex colleagues, one you had to pay to go. They weren’t people I would have bought presents for anyway. But you are invited to make up numbers and yes presents were expected.
and no, I wouldn’t ever see their children, or in fact see them again anyways.

Judging by this thread there are some mean women around, I have been to two, one a colleague who I like very much, I wasn't forced to go, I bought a small gift, I wonder if any of the above mean spirited posters actually have friends or receive genuine invites , and no they were not chavvy or Geordie shore influenced

I dislike the idea of baby showers because they are a us materialistic invention, about something that hasn't even happened.
I haven't been to one and they weren't invented when I had my children.
I didn't really know what happens at them before I read all these posts. I thought you just took a present along. But all these party games sound gross!
I like socialising with my friends but absolutely despise party games and actively avoid any social gatherings where people think that's a good idea.

I just don’t like the celebrating before hand, much prefer after.

Yes hate those grabby ones, I’m not superstitious, just feels wrong plus some Mums really don’t want anything until after the baby is born.
I heard one Mum to be say she had to find out the sex of the baby to know what paint to buy (yes heard this and tutting as shame there was a nice hue of blue but we’re on pink again), I just thought it sounded sad like where is the surprise, not knowing; happy suspense / guessing games till the birth etc. Never had them for mine just makes me shudder. Each to their own though.

This 100%. Let’s celebrate after the baby is safely born.

Sorry to hear you have suffered some losses OP I hope you have a safe pregnancy next time.
I agree with loads of the sentiments expressed here in relation to your question. Looking at the stats unbelievably in the last few years the UK has moved backwards in terms of mother and baby deaths and it does feel like tempting fate somewhat.
Honestly though I personally feel baby showers smack of self importance, indulgence and greed and as for gender reveal 🙄
There is no need to be an introvert to dislike baby showers, they are just not something Brits would normally partake in. I love a good, wedding, Christening, taking out a friend to celebrate just about anything but I find baby showers a bit tacky and too regimented; I’d rather choose my own gift or ask the mum to be myself.