Why does everyone seem to hate baby showers on MN?

[Hotchocolateandsnow]

Obviously not talking about the over the top grabby ones (which I’ve never witnessed in real
life and probably make up 1% - similar to birthdays/ weddings percentages I’m sure or are fabricated for the news?)

Im talking about the afternoon tea with family / friends and some decorations. Getting together to see people and celebrate. You can take a present and then not take one once the baby is born.

It’s an excuse to see your friend or family, eat some nice food and chat. But there seems to be a hatred of them on MN. There might be a game but the only ones I’ve witness in real life was guess the name / weight / date of birth.

If you do dislike baby showers, do you also dislike attending weddings, birthday parties, christenings, Christmas gatherings, Halloween party, summer BBQs? Where’s your line on what’s acceptable to celebrate or not?

I agree with your sentiment. If it was a genuine celebration of motherhood with other women, I’d be all in . However it’s simply a present giving and photo opportunity occasion.

British people tend to like to socialise with a drink. It combines the gawky forced-fun of hen dos with the sobriety of a work ice-breaker.

The main guest is in utero. Childless friends generally don't "get" it and ones with children need childcare to attend the most pointless event ever.

They're cringey. I've been to two (will never go to another one). Both were full of games that made me want to turn my body inside out from cringing.

Weddings, birthdays, christenings etc are totally different. They are celebrating an event. I would much rather wait until the baby has arrived safely and celebrate then.

Baby showers are an(other) consumerist American import

It’s an excuse to see your friend or family, eat some nice food and chat.

I don't need an excuse to see those I care about. We meet up regularly regardless.

If you do dislike baby showers, do you also dislike attending weddings, birthday parties, christenings, Christmas gatherings, Halloween party, summer BBQs? Where’s your line on what’s acceptable to celebrate or not?

I don't have a 'line' - you celebrate what you want. We don't all have to think the same or do the same. FWIW I don't go to hen parties (you didn't include that) or christenings (I'm not remotely religious and it's why I have godgoblins and not goddaughters). I also don't go to things I 'dislike', why would you attend something you dislike? That's barmy. Also what are you 'celebrating' at a summer BBQ exactly? I don't get why you care that other people don't like baby showers - you have one if you want, lots of other people find them tacky, grabby and vulgar.

I’ve recently been to a couple where there were no games, no blokes and no ‘gender reveal’. We all took some food, all bought our favourite childhood book for the baby and had a good old natter. They were multi generational and lovely.

Yes I paid for all of the guests and they all left with 'party bags' (small bottle of processo or non-alcoholic alternative chocolate bar, sweets, thank you card) they also took the leftover food so nothing went to waste. I'd not have charged guests to attend and I didn't open gifts until I got home

I’d see it as bad luck to celebrate before the baby is born and would be uncomfortable with a baby shower for that reason. Where I live nobody gives presents before the baby has arrived safely. It’s got nothing to do with not wanting to socialise or give presents etc.

I just find them very attention seeking, same as gender reveals.

Because they’re a load of wank dreamed up by people who try to get us to buy and consume stuff we don’t need?

I was just reading the ‘baby registry’ thread and I can’t quite believe that in the 13 years since I was pregnant, people have become so entitled

I thought baby shower gifts were low cost practical things, nappies, muslin cloths, bottles, creams, lotions, tiny baby grows etc.

Op baby showers are not just hated on MN they are universally hated by the majority of people i know. Its attention seeking, pointless, tacky and grabby. I always decline if i am invited to one. Its a tacky American thing that didn’t need to be imported over here.

It’s a mumsnet thing to hate celebrations ime. Meanwhile in real life, people I know like getting together and spending time with each other, whether it’s Xmas, birthdays, weddings, Halloween, baby showers or just a bbq for no reason.

If people don’t enjoy these things, that’s ok, we all like different things, but those that spend their time moaning a lot about them says more about them than anything, especially all the ‘Americanism’ comments or saying people are narcissistic because they had a big wedding

There are things I’m not into, but when they’re pretty harmless, I really don’t care what others do, and if it’s for people I know and love, I’ll attend for them and enjoy just being with them.

You've just given three reasons

Like others, I don't like celebrating a baby until the baby has been safely born. Otherwise it feels like tempting fate.

I've been to close friends showers but it's something I'd ever consider for myself

Because it's an American tradition, not an English one, so a lot of people are uncomfortable with it..

Traditionally, we didn't celebrate before birth. We visited the new mother with a gift after the baby had safely arrived. It was considered unlucky to celebrate before. At one point, it was considered unlucky to have the baby's pram in the house before the baby was born.

It leaves people in an uncomfortable position of buying 2 lots of gifts, which feels grabby. (No one would feel comfortable visiting a new baby empty-handed)

It gets out of hand. What starts as a simple get-together with some nibbles and a drink rapidly develops into balloon arches, catering, afternoon teas, etc. I honestly wouldn't be surprised to see someone do a weekend away baby shower soon, because one-upmanship on social media is a thing.

They make me uneasy as baby hasn't safely arrived yet.

My reason is personal - I had a stillbirth at full term.

Baby showers make me uneasy - all the cheerful assumption that everything’s going to go smoothly.

And of course it does, the overwhelming majority of the time, and there’s no reason expectant parents and families shouldn’t be excited.

But the number of people who responded to the death of my baby as though I must have done something wrong to cause it, was shocking and very upsetting. One person even asked me to return the gift she’d given me for the baby I lost. When something like this happens you realise what absolute twats people can be.

In the bad old days of higher infant and maternal mortality it was acknowledged that childbirth was a dangerous event. People waited to celebrate until everyone had survived the birth. I’m more comfortable with doing things that way.

These days the assumption is everything will work out fine - and if it doesn’t, there’s a strong tendency to blame and ostracise the individual.

By that logic, "If it's just a meal, why bother calling it Christmas dinner?"
"If it's just a get together with friends and family, why bother calling it a wedding?"
"If it's just a day why bother calling it your birthday?"

it's a baby shower because celebrating the baby is the reason for the get together!
When you usually meet up with friends it's not to celebrate one specific person, is it? It's completely different.

OP I also find the absolute vehemence people on here think of baby showers with bizarre. However it's also the same with hen parties, Christmas work parties, etc. Anything outside of 'our little family.' Basically a lot of people on here seem to hate any and all human interaction, and, ironically for a female focussed site, even more so events that are primarily women meeting up and having fun together. I've always considered myself an introvert but on the MN scale I'm Susie Sociable!

The only vaguely coherent explanation I've ever got is that some people seem to think you're expected to buy a present at the baby shower and then again once the baby is born, so they think it's grabby, but that's not the expectation or practice with anyone I know. If you're close enough to the mum to be to be invited to a baby shower, you're close enough that you'd probably buy the baby something anyway so you're not being expected to spend more than you would if there was no baby shower.

The advantage to the mum to be is that if people buy them things they need in advance, they know what they have/still need to get themselves. Rather than buying everything themselves beforehand and then people turn up in dribs and drabs over the next few months with duplicates they have no use for. The advantage to the friends is you can group together to get a bigger item the parents will actually appreciate rather than 10 loads of random smaller things, which usually saves you money. Plus you get to catch up with a group of mates without having to organise it.

At the end of the day if you don't want to go, you can say no! No idea why people get so worked up about them.

Not surrounded - my friends were great.

But people in the hypnobirtbing and NCT circles were awful - they earn their crust persuading people that nothing bad can happen if you do all the right things, so baby loss feels like a real threat to them.

So sorry to hear this happened to you. Sounds like some people behaved absolutely appallingly towards you. There truly are some arseholes walking the earth. And fwiw I agree with you, better to celebrate once the baby's actually arrived.