Baby shower. I’m Not being unreasonable but my sister is. How do I tell her to get tae fuck?

[leafhandle]

My usual response would be to tell her to stop being a massive baw bag but she’s being absolutely ridiculous and I don’t want to piss her off more.

this is her 3rd baby.

had surgery 3 weeks ago, cancer surgery and I’ve had 5 operations since the original operation because it’s all gone a bit tits up. I’m home now and beyond exhausted. I had my kidney removed and a nephrostomy bag fitted to the other one because of sarcoma. So I’m feeling very vulnerable and absolutely knackered.

My sister who is usually normal has thrown her toys well and truly out of the pram about her baby shower. Her stipulations are as follows;

1. if I go to the baby shower that I cannot talk to family about my operation, mention cancer or mention feeling shitty
2. if I don’t go, I must tell everyone it is because I have norovirus and it’s nothing to do with cancer.
3. If I do go, I must wear my ‘normal wig’ not the colourful one.
4. it’s me who’s organising the whole fucking thing so I need to include x y z like afternoon tea and as her family we should be paying for her and her friends to attend.

I would never make her baby shower about
me but I really don’t know if I have the energy to go to her baby shower, let alone have her dictating what wig I wear. I will have lost my hair by that point (4 weeks) and I don’t even know if I’ll be able to wear a wig because I found them so itchy last time. Also I don’t know if she realises that if chemo doesn’t work for the other tumour I have this will probably be my last Christmas as this is my third go at cancer.

i want to tell her to fuck off and not bother with her ever again but she didn’t have a baby shower with baby 1
or 2 because it was 2020 & 2021 so Covid so she sees this as her last chance of a baby shower because this is her last baby. So I want to give her the benefit of the doubt but fuck me she is so difficult at the moment.

I can’t believe what I’ve just read.

All this over a baby shower? What the actual fuck?

Pull out now. Say you don’t have the energy for it, for her, for any of it. Tell everyone who asks. And do, indeed, tell her to fuck off. Baby shower!!

Sorry about the cancer stuff. Fuck cancer, too.

Oh OP what a selfish person she is you are going through so much and don’t need this. Honestly I just wouldn’t go, in fact I couldn’t after she had treated me like this - how dare she. Her not having a baby shower previously is no reason for her to behave like this. You’re her Sister and going through an awful time - fuck her, I’d struggle to even look at her let alone throw her a party. I truly hope your treatment works and you get the all clear

Sorry I had to read your post twice because I COULDN'T believe my eyes! What the actual hell? Baby showers are bullshit, sorry but they are, and if she's going to be like this, why would you even want to be involved? Can you tell her you are too tired to attend and she can just sort herself out? Your post has really given me the rage because she's just being self-centred at a time when she should be giving you the support that you need. So in lieu of her being a proper person, I am sending my love and support for your recovery. You should never have to lie about who you are or what you are going through. I really hope that the treatment is a huge success and sets you on a pathway to total recovery.

That’s actually really helpful. I think writing it down has actually helped. I’m not going and I’m not going to say I have norovirus. I just cba with her at all at the moment. I love her and my nieces so much but no. She can’t be a dick about this.

I’ll message my family and say it’s all too much right now and I know I’ll feel shocking from chemo so I will bow out now.

she’s normally really nice, but she’s a fucking night mare right now!

Agree - don't go, don't help organise or pay?! for anything. And tell her you'll tell people whatever you want if they ask you why you weren't there. She can't dictate to you like this.

Tell it like it is, OP. Your sister is bang out of order.

Say you’re too tired to go. Have no hesitation in letting people know your situation.

And do what you need to do to have the Christmas that you want to have.

best wishes xx

She is a disgusting individual. How has anyone wanted to get her pregnant 3 times. Most men would be massively turned off by this level of bat shittery and entitlement.
Stay home OP and recover. She is not worth your effort or energy.
Sending YOU all my love and best wishes for your ongoing treatment.

So what that she didn’t have a baby shower before. I bet the majority of posters on here didn’t either because they are a pretty recent (shit) thing in the UK

concentrate on yourself & doing whatever you need to do to get through this.

Just tell the selfish bitch to fuck off. You have enough on going on in your life. God I’m really pissed off on your behalf 💐

I'm so sorry op, she is being hideous, there's no excuse for being that awful to your sister in these circumstances. Someone should tell her off as she needs it.

Op I wouldn’t give a shit about my baby shower (no matter which one) if my sister was going through what you are. My life would be so bleak knowing a loved one was going through what you are and I’d be doing everything to make sure they had the necessary support.

Your sister is awful and you don’t deserve this. It’s time to take a step back and look after yourself because she isn’t going to even though she should. Wishing you well and I hope you successfully battle what you are x

She sounds disgusting, not having a baby shower previously is no excuse for treating anyone that way.

You are doing the right thing by telling them now that you can’t go, it doesn’t sound like you need the extra stress of planning it all either.

Best of luck for your ongoing treatment, I hope it all goes well.

Probably the hormones

There is absolutely no excuse for her behaviour. None.

I would seriously consider whether your opinion of her normally being lovely is actually accurate. Is it possible that she has always been a selfish turd but it’s not been so obvious? It’s a massive jump from lovely to utter twat

You say she's usually nice. It sounds like she wants a 'normal' experience for her baby shower and she's shutting out all her anxieties about what you are going through. Being pregnant third time round is hideous and her lovely sister is very poorly, he mind is mush.

Saying that, I completely agree with the other posters, it's ridiculous to make these expectations of you. She's isolating you and being extremely insensitive. I would absolutely be bowing out if I were you.

Flipping heck, she wants you to say you have norovirus? She must be deluded at the moment, because that wouldn't be a good mix with cancer treatment so if that was the rumour floating around about why you weren't there, everyone would be talking about your chemo anyway.

Feel I'm going to get battered for my first paragraph there, but that's me trying to be diplomatic to the reasons she may be acting this way when usually nice! I agree she is out of order. Hope you do get better and have a really lovely and peaceful Christmas x

Hormones, my arse.
OP's sister is a dictatorial little madam.
Wishing you well, OP.

Really sorry to hear about everything you’re going through OP. Is there someone else in the family you can pass this on to? Just tell your sister you are far too poorly at the moment to be taking responsibility for her “shower”. Then, if you’re not feeling up to it, make an excuse on the day as to why you can’t be there.

Please take care of yourself. Xx

I can't believe what I have just read! What a horrible person your sister is, how can anyone be so insensitive and lacking in empathy.

Well done for deciding not to attend, there is no way I would be doing so in your situation. As for telling people why you aren't going, you can tell them whatever you like, she has no say in this. As for giving her the benefit of the doubt, no it's gone beyond that. She is behaving like a spoilt madam and I would be taking a big step back from her and concentrating on my recovery if I were you.

Sending hugs and best wishes for your recovery.

I can barely wrap my head around such selfish horrible way to treat anybody but especially her extremely ill sister. She ought to be trying to help you in any way she can! So glad you decided not to attend. Best luck with your chemo treatment. 💐

What a disgusting person she is.

I am raging on your behalf OP.

Wishing you a full recovery.

Is she fuckin tapped in the heed?? I'd wind her right up and send a fake invite out to a fuck cancer party very close to the date and watch her lose her shit 😂 seriously though imagine looking back at yersel ten yrs later and remembering yi telt ur sister to not dare complain about her cancer instead of enthusiasticly playing guess the flavour baby food hahaha crackers!!

I totally agree that this could be the case. I’ve had 3 siblings die from cancer and have experienced siblings going through treatment and dying since I was 25 and I’m now 62.
Last sibling died 2 years ago at 47.
This sounds horrible but I feel so much lighter not having the day to day sadness of worrying what they are going through and how they can cope with what is being thrown at them.
it doesn’t excuse the behaviour, as you say, but it is hard to standby and watch the struggle and sometimes you just wish it wasn’t part of the family narrative.

Rubbish, she’s a selfish nasty pride of work!

Don ‘t try and excuse her.

OP, tell her to fuck off and don’t have anything to do with her, bloody baby shower and rules!

Her behaviour is terrible OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this