Baby shower. I’m Not being unreasonable but my sister is. How do I tell her to get tae fuck?

[leafhandle]

My usual response would be to tell her to stop being a massive baw bag but she’s being absolutely ridiculous and I don’t want to piss her off more.

this is her 3rd baby.

had surgery 3 weeks ago, cancer surgery and I’ve had 5 operations since the original operation because it’s all gone a bit tits up. I’m home now and beyond exhausted. I had my kidney removed and a nephrostomy bag fitted to the other one because of sarcoma. So I’m feeling very vulnerable and absolutely knackered.

My sister who is usually normal has thrown her toys well and truly out of the pram about her baby shower. Her stipulations are as follows;

1. if I go to the baby shower that I cannot talk to family about my operation, mention cancer or mention feeling shitty
2. if I don’t go, I must tell everyone it is because I have norovirus and it’s nothing to do with cancer.
3. If I do go, I must wear my ‘normal wig’ not the colourful one.
4. it’s me who’s organising the whole fucking thing so I need to include x y z like afternoon tea and as her family we should be paying for her and her friends to attend.

I would never make her baby shower about
me but I really don’t know if I have the energy to go to her baby shower, let alone have her dictating what wig I wear. I will have lost my hair by that point (4 weeks) and I don’t even know if I’ll be able to wear a wig because I found them so itchy last time. Also I don’t know if she realises that if chemo doesn’t work for the other tumour I have this will probably be my last Christmas as this is my third go at cancer.

i want to tell her to fuck off and not bother with her ever again but she didn’t have a baby shower with baby 1
or 2 because it was 2020 & 2021 so Covid so she sees this as her last chance of a baby shower because this is her last baby. So I want to give her the benefit of the doubt but fuck me she is so difficult at the moment.

This is outrageous! And very sad. She should be so glad you are still here and able to be part of her baby shower (can’t believe you’re organising it). I don’t have any suggestions about how you even engage with someone like this who thinks the sky is green! Is your Mum around? Could she or another family member have a word with her? Her DP?

I am so sorry op. She sounds a right baw bag as you say. Maybe it's hormones (being very generous).

I hope your family are understanding about you bowing out. Even if they aren't you are definitely doing the right thing

Omg have I just read this right !! This is honestly one of the worse things I have read. Your sister needs to be told in no u certain terms to F off. I am so sorry you are having such a hard time and I wish you all the best but u can do without your so called DS in your life. I doubt I would ever speak to her again. Her behaviour is appalling.

Jeezo, what am I reading, has she taken leave of her senses! Hopefully she will return to normal and preferably apologise at some point. However just now, focus on you and getting well. Dont go to a (frankly ridiculous anyway) baby shower, never mind organise it!

She is indeed a massive bawbag and agree tell the daft bint to get tae fk your no fit and let her pals organise it. Sorry your ill hope you are getting loads of support from everyone else x

She is indeed a massive bawbag and agree tell the daft bint to get tae fk your no fit and let her pals organise it. Sorry your ill hope you are getting loads of support from everyone else x

I'd be tempted to kill her with kindness so she will feel how dreadful her words are when it hits her afterwards how poorly she's treated you, as it sounds like she'll twist an actual confrontation into an attack and make herself the victim. Yes she probably wants a day all about positivity and her baby but erasing you from it and erasing your cancer from the narrative of why you may not be there is a step too far!

I'd just message and say sorry sister, I won't be able to make it and I think the family will know its due to the surgeries and chemo as they've been checking in and know how I'm feeling, so i dont think anyone will ask where i am anyway. Love you and wish I could have been there to celebrate you and the imminent arrival, can't wait to be an aunty again.

Of course your DSis is completely unreasonable, but this post above is worth repeating, especially if your sister is normally quite sane. And don’t discount the pregnancy hormones being a factor too.

I lost my DSis to cancer last year and I can’t imagine for a moment anyone behaving to her that way. In fact, it was our absolute honour and privilege to be able to arrange a party for her, not the other way round.

hope the treatment goes well, and of course pull out of organising any party.

I am genuinely lost for words at this. Firstly, I'm so sorry you are going through this and I pray you recover soon.

I honestly don't know if I could ever talk to her again after that. It's hard to describe just how rotten to the core her behaviour is. If my sister were going through cancer treatment I wouldn't even dream of having a baby shower, never mind forcing her to organise it for me and then trying to silence her and make her hide her illness.

You need to call her out on this. Have none of your other family had anything to say to her?

This is disgusting - she needs her head testing. Personally I’d tell her to FO.
I couldn’t imagine burdening my sister with the health concerns you’re living with, with shitty BS like this. I’d honestly just be grateful you were able to make it.

First post nailed it. I’m sorry OP 💐

Tell your sister to fuck right off.

There is not many threads in this site when a "fuck off" won't be better justified. Fell free to use it.

I can't believe what I've just read. I mean, I know there are people who feel incredibly entitled but...wow...

Best of luck with your treatment OP.

I'd go absolutely fucking ham at her, pregnancy hormones or not. There's no excuse for being a selfish, heartless bitch and I'd want to shame her into realising that

Best of luck in your recovery

So sorry to read this. Your sister is terrified she is going to lose you and it's coming out like this. I'm glad you aren't going, I've just been to my future DIL's baby shower and she was exhausted. Best of luck with your treatment xx

Simple.

Tell her to grow up and stop behaving like a five year old who wants a princess party that has the entire world revolving around them.

Or she can organise it herself and you will tell anyone who asked you weren't there because she was behaving like a five year old and you got fed up of it.

Glad you have decided to step away and that you are prioritising yourself

OP Screenshot your Post with all of our replies and pop them over to her

Job done

Has your sister always been a narcissistic bully?

I’ll message my family and say it’s all too much right now and I know I’ll feel shocking from chemo so I will bow out now.

So pleased you've decided this @leafhandle . Reading your OP, I was getting quite angry for you.

Of course it's tough for your sister to feel that her lovely happy news is in the shadow of your very tough situation, but surely she's old enough to have some perspective and some kindness.

I wish you the best for your upcoming treatment.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this - weirdly, I’m going through cancer treatment atm and my sister was also a complete dick to me at first (she stopped speaking to me - my Dad had to go round to her house and tear her a new one but I’ll never forget it)
I’d be tempted to totally land her in it. Message family and said I’m not coming because sis has told me I can’t speak about cancer while I’m there and wants me to pretend I have a stomach bug instead and that feels ridiculous to you so you’re staying away. And let her pick up the pieces.

Awful! Your well-being and recovery is priority, nothing matters more right now. I hope you start to feel better soon 💐

Don’t down play why you aren’t going. Tell your family that physically you don’t feel up to it, but also that your sister is a nasty piece of work that you have no interest in helping

OP you are 100% making the right decision.

My Dsis had cancer and I cant imagine behaving towards her like this. Her needs were at the centre of all family plans while she was going through treatment.

Your Dsis needs a big slap.

ps: baw bag 🤣

As much as it would be great to do this, op doesn’t have the energy. I think she needs to pull out and spend the time recovering.