Baby shower. I’m Not being unreasonable but my sister is. How do I tell her to get tae fuck?

[leafhandle]

My usual response would be to tell her to stop being a massive baw bag but she’s being absolutely ridiculous and I don’t want to piss her off more.

this is her 3rd baby.

had surgery 3 weeks ago, cancer surgery and I’ve had 5 operations since the original operation because it’s all gone a bit tits up. I’m home now and beyond exhausted. I had my kidney removed and a nephrostomy bag fitted to the other one because of sarcoma. So I’m feeling very vulnerable and absolutely knackered.

My sister who is usually normal has thrown her toys well and truly out of the pram about her baby shower. Her stipulations are as follows;

1. if I go to the baby shower that I cannot talk to family about my operation, mention cancer or mention feeling shitty
2. if I don’t go, I must tell everyone it is because I have norovirus and it’s nothing to do with cancer.
3. If I do go, I must wear my ‘normal wig’ not the colourful one.
4. it’s me who’s organising the whole fucking thing so I need to include x y z like afternoon tea and as her family we should be paying for her and her friends to attend.

I would never make her baby shower about
me but I really don’t know if I have the energy to go to her baby shower, let alone have her dictating what wig I wear. I will have lost my hair by that point (4 weeks) and I don’t even know if I’ll be able to wear a wig because I found them so itchy last time. Also I don’t know if she realises that if chemo doesn’t work for the other tumour I have this will probably be my last Christmas as this is my third go at cancer.

i want to tell her to fuck off and not bother with her ever again but she didn’t have a baby shower with baby 1
or 2 because it was 2020 & 2021 so Covid so she sees this as her last chance of a baby shower because this is her last baby. So I want to give her the benefit of the doubt but fuck me she is so difficult at the moment.

I'd be telling her to fuck off, she sounds awful.
Sorry you are having a hard time.

I would tell her I'm not going because of my cancer and I would have a sit down chat with her about your concerns of not making it to another Christmas too.

I think deep down this is her real issue and she's trying to navigate what is a upsetting situation with 2 small children and a third on the way. It's telling that she doesn't want you to be sick or look sick - not because she's being demanding (as you say she's normal normally), but your family are probably all aware that this might be 'it'. I would give her grace, but I would also be firm in setting boundaries and expectations as it's not your fault you are ill and she is destroying your relationship in the process. Also for you, you're going through a literal life changing event feeling like shit and need support rather then to feel like a burden. She should be looking out for you and lightening your load, a party is a lot to plan let alone attend when you are ill.

I am rooting for you to kick cancer's arse a third time so you can wear a crazy wig when you go to see the 3rd baby in true fun aunt style!

She is being so unreasonable that I don't know where to begin. Have you organised the baby shower? If I was you I would tell her you are too unwell to organise it or go to it and she needs to sort it all out herself if that's what she wants. Look after yourself.

Wow, she seems actually jealous of you having cancer and taking the limelight away from her...you attention seeker you 🙄Pathetic woman , tell her -to fuck off you're too ill or tired.

Tell her you are too tired and too ill. I wouldn't be organising a party for such a selfish person anyway. You've found our how unpleasant she is. Don't lie about anything.

She’s a selfish cow. WTF should you pay?

Don’t go, OP, yanbu, she is vile. There’s no excuse for it. I’d be telling everyone exactly why I was missing it too.

Baby shower for third baby is also the worst. Win, win you don’t have to suffer her, or it.

Hope you can rest and recover well

Your sister needs to be completely and utterly ashamed of herself. Sadly when one is so self centered they simply cannot/will not see it.

I’m so very sorry you have this mountain of your own to climb, if it were me, I would excuse hosting duties very early on, concentrate on what is truly important - and that’s you and your health, and tell your sister if you are feeling well enough you will attend but atm are unable to guarantee you’ll be there.
Leave her together with her stipulations to organise her own ‘do’.

I wish you the very best. xx

This.

Most people wouldn't have a baby shower if a sibling they were close to and lived near was in active cancer treatment the way you are, or would keep it low key.

She absolutely does not want you there. Don’t go.

Absolutely, OP. Just say that you are too exhausted from being ill to take on this party, and then bow out.

I am so sorry you're fighting this awful disease. Sending you thoughts and prayers and healing dust xxxx

I am so sorry for everything that you are going through.
You didn’t choose to have this awful disease but your sister chose to get pregnant and have a third child so no woe is me for baby 3.

Honestly she needs to stop being a whiny little bitch or get in the bin. You need to be that blunt and she expects you to organise and pay for a baby shower when you should be using your time, energy and money on fighting the disease and doing what makes you happy.

She is 100% being selfish and even if she is jealous of you getting the attention for having cancer then she needs to get over it as it’s ridiculously drama lama territory. She should be supporting you not the other way around

You need to rest and heal, it would be draining to even show up for an hour, never mind organise and pay for it.

I’m shocked she thinks otherwise, next level selfishness.

Concentrate on yourself x

Dont tell her to fuck off OP. Tell her you are ill and exhausted by your cancer treatment and have to step back completely from organising the baby shower. Only attend if you want to on the day and wear what you like.

She needs to give you a ‘shower’ and show some love. Sorry you have to deal with all this, but you don’t have to deal with all this. Just concentrate on getting better ❤️

O God, that’s awful. If she is normally a nice person as you say she’s going to feel so embarrassed when she looks back and sees how she’s behaved. Third baby as well!

Tell her to git tae fook

Sending love to you x

Dear Sis,

Here’s what you asked of me:

-quote OP-

Here’s what will be happening:

I won’t be organising your baby shower. I am very unwell at the moment and I need time and rest to recover. - reiterate surgery you have just had, and chemo upcoming-

I am very sad to miss your special day, but if any friends or family ask me why I can’t join in, I will be telling them the truth. This is an immensely difficult time in my life and I need the support of caring people around me as I head into a challenging round of chemo with all that brings. It’s not appropriate to ask me to lie about that.

I know you will understand and I am sure your baby shower will be lovely. I’ll be thinking of you.

As someone who has just lost my sister to cancer I am truly disturbed to see this post. How could she be so cruel and self centred?

I really hope the rest of your family are more supportive and best wishes for going through this treatment.

Get tae fuck is the perfect response. Dont pander to this nonsense, sister is completely unreasonable.

Good decision OP. This actually made me quite angry on your behalf. I would send her a single cupcake in the post, iced with some unrepeatable words!

I wouldn't really, but well done for saying no and prioritising yourself. I hope you get to treat yourself though. You are going through an incredibly difficult time. Wishing you have a full recovery and lots of support around you.

Your sister is being completely unreasonable! My sister had cancer and no way would I ever have dictated to her what she had to do or say or what wig to wear if any.

She should just be grateful you attend her baby shower if you’re feeling up to it and be understanding if you aren’t.

Could your mum have a word with her? She’s being ridiculously selfish.

I cannot believe what I have read.
I can’t believe someone has a baby shower for number 2 or 3 Covid or no Covid (and personally think it’s crass for number 1).
I cannot believe someone can be this much of a self-centred shallow dick.

I’d tell her to get to fuck in no uncertain terms. Would not be organising, would not be attending, and I would find it hard not to be sickened looking at her in the future. So sad.

My god what? You are terribly unwell and she's pressuring you about a recently made up fuss. When I had my DS we didn't have baby showers.

Whether she likes it or not you need to prioritise your health. Tell her you are not arranging nor attending it.

Aye. Get tae fuck.

What. The. Hell. Is. She. On.

Much love to you OP.